Struggling to cope with adult son’s behaviour at home

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Living with DS is becoming an absolute nightmare. DH and I are in our late 60s and DS is in his 30s. He has ASD, OCD and Learning Disabilities. On most days we manage quite well. DH is physically disabled, I am also and have severe depression.

On his worst days, DS is extremely difficult to live with. His OCD gets the better of him and he screams and shouts abuse at us. This has just happened again this evening. DH and DS were trying to cook together and it just ended up with DS yelling.

I am sorry that this is so muddled but I’m shaking with fear and anxiety. I just don’t know where to turn.

Thank you for your reply. Yes, we have had advice on here and we have contacted a range of professionals, including Adult Social Care. So far, nothing has been suggested that will actually make a difference. However, we will try contacting them again on Monday.

You can get support here: www.pegsupport.co.uk

Also here: www.coramfamilylives.org.uk

Their helpline is open today between 10am - 3pm.

Does he have his own social worker from the adult team?
If not then thats where you need to start. Get him on someone's case load. Make a named person responsible for provision for him. Tell them plans need to start being made now to transition him to supported accommodation.

He needs supported accommodation, the sooner the better. Because he will need it eventually, when you're not here, so it makes much more sense to organise it now. You will all be happier.

What does the social services assessment say? Do you have support from MENCAP or another charity? Are you in touch with your local carers support worker? Its very confusing dealing with services and every borough is slightly different. But for your son's sake as well as your own you need to make plans for the future. But it does sound as if, right at the moment, you are desperate. Is emergency respite care an option?

I’ve decided to pick a day next week when it is cooler to go through everything we have received from the variety of people and agencies, and talk it all through with DH. DS will have to be out of the house because he has remarkable hearing. As he does go out a lot, that should be doable!