Has anyone overcome avoidant feelings in relationships after divorce and betrayal?

[Foamy4]

Is anyone else a real avoidant in relationships? I am divorced 6 years after ex had an affair and I do thing it’s left me with a real sense of wanting to be hyper independent and not rely on anyone again. But when then I start to date I like it for a while and then get this real sense of wanting to just run away.
has anyone been able to work on this?

I was single for a long, long time following a DV situation.

I ended up meeting someone through work and we were friends for about a year before beginning a relationship, otherwise I think I would have stayed single a lot longer.

We’re still together but I would say that if I were to do it over, I’d use that single period to heavily focus on therapy and address all my issues. One of them was hyper independence for sure, but surprisingly enough once in a relationship I quickly reverted back to bending over backwards even in situations that I probably shouldn’t have. It was like being with someone again even though I was now older kickstart the exact response and behaviour I had in my previous relationship.

I can resonant with you. I have bodily anxiety response even when just thinking about dating again.