The Dating Thread 58 - will you swoon in June? 🌸🌼🌸

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Hey - glad you are back 😀

I want to say that I am really sorry for my posts and the things I said.

This is a good sign. Tell him you'll next be doing your shopping at x time and he can stop by to chat if he's about 😁

Your real life fella sounds promising!

And let us know how screening less goes.... I don't have a hard line policy on how often I swipe - it very much depends on my mood at the time. I have spells when I am really fussy, and other times when I feel a lot more optimistic and swipe on anyone vaguely promising .....

Still had no matches on Hinge! 😥

In other news, does anyone remember Mr Dark Matter, an iron I was chatting to who is currently in the states but moving to my area in August (visiting end of June).

He disappeared for about a week, but popped up today apologising for his quietness and claiming to have been unwell ..... What do you reckon?

Normally I wouldn't have much time for this, but there is something about him. Even though the chat isn't great - he asks no questions - and has even been a little patronising at times, there is something that fascinates me about him ...

(Probably the fact that he is a total narcissist, and therefore exactly my type!😥🤦🤣)

@Ilovelurchers I do not believe that, but does the reason (or the possible fib) matter?

I think I am less bothered about it than I would otherwise be because he is not going to be available for actual dating for a while anyway. So a bit of a gap in messaging is kind of understandable in a way?

(Or maybe I am just making allowances for him because for some reason he has captured my imagination more than any of the others......)

@Ilovelurchers maybe just play along if you’re happy to chat to him, try not to get to invested though, he sounds like
he could be a bit flakey.

Do you think he’s genuine about his move? A few months ago I chatted to someone who was moving to a city near me the following week. He stopped messaging but I didn’t unmatch, I wasn’t particularly bothered but I checked a few weeks later before I deleted the app and he was still showing as being thousands of miles away. I’m not sure what he was hoping to achieve through our interaction and I found it all a bit weird.

@Ilovelurchers Would you ever consider asking Dark Matter for a video chat? I have done this a few times with OLD matches when they live far away. Basically just means I get to see if there’s enough there to bother with meeting them 😄 It’s worked quite well as I have definitely screened people out quickly this way. A couple of times it’s resulted in going on to meet in person. And the one time there was real chemistry- well that resulted in the situationship with Mr Nomad.

@Ilovelurchers I’m sure I’ve heard of catfish in other countries , in fact it was the US , claiming to be moving soon or visiting relatives in your local area. Saw a few on ‘are we dating the same man ‘

@Becky3825 Haha at ‘the gid’!

Mr Social is most definitely single. He has been friendly so far, and even gone as far as to ask me how things are going with OLD 😆 He also dropped into conversation the other day that the last time he had a date was in December. I don’t believe he’s OLD currently as I haven’t seen him on the apps at all (and the place I live is hardly a metropolis). He’s relatively new to the team though, and I’m in a senior leadership role so a few ranks higher. While workplace relationships aren’t banned where I work, I definitely wouldn’t enter into one without ultra careful consideration and getting to know the person well first.

@empirebiscuits12 I missed the whole thing but I hope you’re okay? I wouldn’t dwell on any of his opinions tbh xxx

@Nosdacariad what are SSRI’s? My Mr K also seems to have an issue in this department…

I'm not diagnosing your bloke obv but they are an often used family of antidepressants (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) I think that's the full name.

This is the second time I have encountered ED and DE (delayed ejaculation) in someone on them.

I realise correlation is not causation but these things are listed side effects x

It's a good idea - but he has gone quiet again....🤦

I am not too bothered as I have a couple of dates arranged with others, and various chats on-going - but for some reason I feel strangely drawn to him. It could well be his elusiveness, if I am honest.....

Please leave. You have upset many. I have reported your post.

Indeed 😊So don't think the guy has a lots of options and that's why chats don't become dates. Usually they're just scared of their own shadow.

It's nothing to do with you. Men are largely intimidated by women... Talking is easy, acting as in going on a real date? Not so much.

Attempting to attach a photo of dating advice from some one I follow on Insta. I thought most if it was very sound.

Have you had likes but no matches? The likes are the heart symbol in the middle at the bottom of the screen.

I think I didn't have any at the beginning. I think they make you 'like' people before your profile is pushed more. I just used all my likes each day and then I started to get likes - these are different to matches.

I got very few to zero responses to my likes which I found very demoralising. However now when I unpause I get over 50 likes on the first day. Keeping in mind I live in London 4.41 million men 😂 though that's all men, not just single. I just think it's very important to mark the geographical differences, otherwise I think it's easy to make unfair comparisons.

My point is that on Hinge my likes sent to guys brought nothing. But me responding to them liking me (that middle heart symbol) brought me very high numbers of matches. That's what I'm currently working through now.

I spent many many months being fascinated by an arrogant self-centred waste of time, instead of focusing on any of the men who actually asked me questions about myself and listened to me. My advice would be to run. But easier said than done 😅

Newbie here , on & off dating scene .
So was seeing someone, finished in October.
Went back on old end of April , started chatting to a guy 1 day back on it .
Great on line connection, went on a date HUGE chemistry.
He just wants something casual, I don’t 🤷🏻‍♀️.
So that was that .
He messaged me today to say hi , bla bla.
Don’t know if it’s he’s hoping I’ll change my mind or is he changing his .

I'll let you in on a secret... He likes you 😇

Unlikely a guy from work would be adding you on social otherwise, there's risks involved...

@Ilovelurchers I have a friend who is a complete knockout with all the traits you mention, great job, several homes, stunningly gorgeous. However just ends up meeting men who only end up wanting sex. Very disappointing for her. I do think what women see as a 'success' isnt the same as a man. My exes all married normal looking women, kids grown up, no 'big' job. The key thing is these cases were the women had the time to devote themselves to my exes.

I think @ElleintheWoods is right though, lots of men just comfortable being alone meaning less effort to find a date. I was friends with my last ex, and at a point where neither of us were into dating.

@BoxOfCats Mr Social definitely sounds interested!

I followed a lot of this by chance - but I wasn’t intentional- I was disinterested and just occasionally going on to distract from ironing or something ha.

I had a thought though it might be nice to get company now and again, few nights out - wasn’t either looking for perfect, just ok for a date. I got chats, 2 separate dates and ongoing Mr Tree.

I know it’s different when you’re on hoping for a good date/guy - I’ve been there a lot of times - and I know my approach was a bit odd plus fortunate as I wasn’t invested - but I’d say, evidence of me only, these tips mainly can work. I’d find them harder if I went back looking now though hoping for something like Mr Tree again - I know I would.

Oh it’s always the elusive ones - must be scarcity value raising their value in our eyes. Or maybe we like the hunt too? It’s very easy to say just don’t invest but see what happens - harder to do!

Hopefully, the other dates will be good - and some newer chats work well. It really is a numbers game with a dash of luck thrown in. I’ve heard of folk treating it like a job search and being very dedicated and precise with their approach- not sure that’s for everyone though.

Ohh - well he definitely likes you and is trying to see what might be what! That’s nice in itself though work yes could be awkward. Is he directly in your line of command? Cheers work up a bit though at the least m!

Hello and welcome. I think the former xxx