The Dating Thread 58 - will you swoon in June? 🌸🌼🌸

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

• If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!

-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

A quick word on penpals- really not worth it unless a justified reason.

Welcome @cupsandcupsoftea ☕️☕️☕️

He’s got a week to convert. Hope he does because I really like chatting to him. 🤞. Welcome back.

Nothing sexier than a guy with a grip!

(Honestly, if only they knew how easy it is for them to be sexy - just functioning like a broadly sane adult absolutely does it for me! 🤣)

Others may disagree but I think there's nothing wrong with a general comment about not ususally spending too long chatting.

You're not kidding!

We will see but he has not blotted his copybook so far.

First sleepover tonight 😱🤞

Haha - my eldest realised this quite young and stuck with that view and fellas that fit in it - not inherited from me sadly!

Woohoo - enjoy!

So Pleased it’s going well - you definitely deserve this.

I said this to a guy recently, and he replied that he "wasn't willing to take a blind punt". So that was him gone! 🤣

In a sense, I don't mind if they react badly to things like this, because if they are the kind of guy who has a problem with a woman being the first one to mention meeting up, then it would never work out anyway......

Exciting! Really hope it goes well. Quite jealous actually! X

Some of you may remember Mr Builder, who I was meant to be seeing for a first date on Tuesday, but he cancelled that morning as he had to go and "collect a puppy" (as you do.....)

Since then he has made zero effort to rearrange the date, though he has sent the occasional low effort text, and I have effort-matched completely. I had bascially mentally ruled him out. Well, he has just now sent a photo of himself which I have to say is causing me a rethink. FACE PIC, don't be alarmed! Well, face and top of his upper body. No naked mole-rats in sight.... And though he is not traditionally handsome (my mom said he is a "much worse looking version of my ex" - my ex is incredibly handsome to be fair so this is still a compliment of sorts) there is definitely something sexy and a bit smouldering about him.....

I SO wish he hadn't done that. It's making me second-guess my own boundaries now.......

Mr Mullet and I had spoken about potentially meeting on Sunday but he was trying to move things around. Asked his weekend plans (I'm working tomorrow and Sunday) and those tentative plans seem to have gone. Ah well.

That's frustrating. Do you think things have just come up for him, or do you feel he is actively trying to delay meeting?

To be fair, as it's such lovely weather I think a lot of people have suddenly got plans - I have been trying to arrange to meet my best friend, and we are struggling to find a time we are both free, which is very rare for the tow of us .... But various other family and friends have been messaging to suggest stuff - I think the sunshine is spurring everyone into action!

But, you will have a sense for what he is up to. Hope it's not a negative sign. Remind me, will this be date 2? And the first one was surprisingly positive from what I recall? X

Yeah insanely good and we've been messaging since. I also have his house keys (long story!). I'm working all next week and then going on holiday so it's frustrating.

Oh shit, I see the problem...... Is it worth mentioning it just once more, and trying to catch up even for just a quick meet - an hour's drink or a coffee? (Depends how far away he lives partly.....)

I know generally , if you have mentioned it once it's better to leave the ball in the other person's court, but if this was me, I'd ideally be wanting another meeting, even a quick one, just to make the connection feel a bit more solid and real before I went away.....

But my advice is generally awful! And it's a positive sign he is still messaging so much - certainly doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about.....

And you are the prize, don't forget. Hopefully he is a little anxious about this situation too, and keen to find ways to keep the connection going......

Hes done it on purpose to breadcrumb you. He knows exactly what hes doing....
Its fair enough if you need to cancel a date, but he hasnt rearranged, so that would tell me all I needed to know about his level of interest and effort.

Sorry to sound savage and cynical but I bet that the "puppy" was in fact a different date and hes keeping you hanging on waiting to see where that goes

You can do better xx

You are right - if I had to cancel a date for genuine reasons I would definitely take it upon myself to arrange a replacement date as soon as possible.

He hasn't even bothered to suggest any possible times or dates. Definitely a time waster.

Maybe I should just send a polite message and block him at this point? While he retains access to me, he is still getting some of my attention, which I don't feel he has really earned .....

And I do have a first date with Mr Beach on Tuesday, and he is being nothing but attentive and respectful so far, so I think my time would be better spent focused on that for now (as well as enjoying the long weekend and the stuff I have planned with family and friends......)

Thank you. I feel like I needed this thread in my life a a long time ago - it's really helpful! X

I’m so sorry to read this. I’ve also had one who cancelled a date but kept on the messaging. Everytime I suggested something he had a work thing but I kept replying to his messages as I liked the idea of him.

He ghosted me completely in the end. He had zero intention of ever meeting me and was just enjoying having the rest companionship. He pops up from time to time but I’m looking forward to telling him where to go next time xxx

@IlovelurchersYep send him a message just saying you’re not feeling it, block and move on. Classic delay tactics from him.

Saturday morning here and I just got home from Mr Charismatic’s. Had a really lovely evening. We both love wine so we opened a stupidly expensive bottle that I’d managed to score through work recently for a pittance, had it with some amazing cheese, and stayed up late listening to Japanese jazz LPs. Some fairly steamy bedroom action then a relaxed and lazy morning over a coffee.

Really trying not to let myself get too emotionally invested, and just enjoy it for what it is.

Sounds like a gorgeous evening - life is for living, after all! Why not enjoy yourself?

Just important, as you say, to be careful with your emotions. Keep something in reserve - don't allow yourself to fall in too deep! (Easier said than done, I know).

Yes, absolutely.

I keep telling myself I need to put myself out there to find someone who actually wants a relationship but when it comes down to it I seem to have no energy to do so. I’ve matched with someone on Hinge who has messaged and I have yet to reply. And an ex from 20 years ago messaged last night suggesting we catch up for a drink. His Facebook profile says he’s single. And I just can’t be bothered.

Thinking back to the posts on the previous dating thread, maybe my cab light is actually red 🤦‍♀️

I pushed. Said I had time 1st week June. He said weds or Sunday. I said weds. He said he will double check and know today. He’s 60 miles away. 1hr on train. A half way point has been mentioned. Is that reasonable or should I be expecting him to come all the way to me?

Wow. That sounds like a great evening!

@Nosdacariad how did the sleepover go?