Page 35 | The Dating Thread 58 - will you swoon in June? 🌸🌼🌸

Nosdacariad · 2026-05-21T19:39:24+00:00

The Rules: -The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating -Develop a thick skin -Do not invest emotionally too soon -It’s all BS until it actually happens -Trust your gut instinct -People vanishing, lying &amp; being generally weird is not your fault -Know your worth -If it's not fun, stop -Loo update is mandatory -No dating the thread -Treat others as you'd like to be treated -Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with -The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future - If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?! -OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

ElleintheWoods · 07/06/2026 21:51

@Ilovelurchers Honestly, I do think men (and indeed people) are increasingly comfortable not dating and not putting themselves out there these days. There’s a big leap between chatting to a nice woman on the internet, and actually meeting up with one. It’s easier not to. It’s easier having an AI lover, OF, penpal, platonic friends etc.

Most of my male friends don’t bother. They’re mindset is very much ‘why would a woman want me’

Mind you, I don’t bother. While I love the idea of being with someone, I feel more comfortable by myself. Unsure how to shake it as I notice an increased preference for my own company and keep making excuses to not let people in.

I’ve actually cancelled 2 dates last few years with 30 mins notice as I couldn’t handle the idea of going.

So it’s not that you’re competing against someone else, or that they expect Claudia Schiffer to show up and seduce them.

A lot of people are bruised and experience tells them it won’t work out anyway so why bother. They dip their toe in but once it comes to actions it’s suddenly too much.

It may sound depressing but that’s what I see

Ilovelurchers · 07/06/2026 22:52

ElleintheWoods · 07/06/2026 21:51

@Ilovelurchers Honestly, I do think men (and indeed people) are increasingly comfortable not dating and not putting themselves out there these days. There’s a big leap between chatting to a nice woman on the internet, and actually meeting up with one. It’s easier not to. It’s easier having an AI lover, OF, penpal, platonic friends etc.

Most of my male friends don’t bother. They’re mindset is very much ‘why would a woman want me’

Mind you, I don’t bother. While I love the idea of being with someone, I feel more comfortable by myself. Unsure how to shake it as I notice an increased preference for my own company and keep making excuses to not let people in.

I’ve actually cancelled 2 dates last few years with 30 mins notice as I couldn’t handle the idea of going.

So it’s not that you’re competing against someone else, or that they expect Claudia Schiffer to show up and seduce them.

A lot of people are bruised and experience tells them it won’t work out anyway so why bother. They dip their toe in but once it comes to actions it’s suddenly too much.

It may sound depressing but that’s what I see

I absolutely know what you mean, because, despite my complaints, I sometimes feel like this myself! I largely enjoy my own company, and the peace and quiet that comes from living just with my daughter/on my own when she is at her dad's. With nobody else's needs and feelings to worry about on a day to day basis....

But there is another part of me that still wants that vertiginous feeling of being kissed for the first time with desire.... The excitement of getting ready for a date with someone I am passionately interested in.... Sharing experiences like travel, or the theatre, or even just a film or a nice meal with a man whose opinions and perspective matter to me.....

So I suppose I see all the swiping, and on-line chat, and first dates (on the rare occasions they happen!) as a necessary, though not always pleasant, means to that end....

But if I am honest with myself, I DO understand why people might back out from in-person meetings at the last minute. As at times I am close to doing that myself, and to a certain extent I have to force myself not to....

MsJinks · 08/06/2026 04:56

CleanShirt · 07/06/2026 20:39

We had a brief chat about it on the first date and it was something along the lines of he'd ultimately like to find someone but liked meeting people along the way... Deffo still too early for another conversation tho!

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Ugh - I still can’t do the adult chat at 60! I sort of hope it morphs into what I wanted in my head haha.

Anyway, doing that ended up in a decade of a situationship- didn’t clarify early on, danced the puck me, gave up and settled for what he had had in his head all along - sigh. It was ok tbf - I had other stuff on so a Friday or Saturday blowing off steam was ok by me - till it wasn’t and slowly died a death - no dramatics at least.

However, it sounds as if Mr Mullett is interested - to look at the time in bed - well it seems as if other nice things bookended it, so not just that.

As you are at this point though are you thinking of exclusivity anyway - not a you must marry me, but this level of trust for me means one at a time? Or mention sexual health?

What do you think you’ll do?

Don’t forget you are the prize.

MsJinks · 08/06/2026 04:59

duckingclueless · 07/06/2026 20:11

Can I ask how does anyone keep up with this thread? I’m trying really hard to listen but am ND. Could we have a daily roundup racing commentary style!?! (Just joking) had a platonic afternoon with Mr Holiday Homes. I’m going to be brutally honest. I like him but he’s the same height as me. I’m honestly struggling with that. At 6’2 he’d have been a slam dunk! Why??? Couple of other imperfections but this is the biggest. I’m travelling now for a while. He bought me a perfect book (very me) for my travels. I like the physical contact with him and hoped for more of a kiss but he couldn’t really as I’d knocked him back. (Yes I am an overthinker)

I get this - I say one thing and hope for another - but rationally they can’t know this.

To buy you a perfect book for you is quite an achievement after 3? meetings - he’s on your wavelength- but then again if you can’t get past something then you can’t - in my opinion- it just comes back to haunt you I think - maybe others think differently- it could be it becomes completely irrelevant I guess.

Enjoy your travels.

MsJinks · 08/06/2026 05:10

Ilovelurchers · 07/06/2026 18:28

At the risk of sounding arrogant, I do wonder what kind of women some of these men are actually expecting to attract....

I'm not a supermodel, but I am a conventionally attractive woman - I pass for quite a lot younger than my age - pretty much a "perfect" size 12 with a body shape that's traditionally considered sexy - and I dress well, have my hair and make up done nicely in my pictures. My profile pics aren't super-flattering - they show me as I am day to day - but I know I look decent for a 47 year old woman. And once I get chatting to a guy and like him I usually send a couple of "better" photos than the ones on my profile (dressed up to go out) so they do get to see me at my best.

Added to that, I have my own full time work in a professional career, own home, I'm educated and have lots of interests, I'm funny and polite and friendly in my messages. My daughter is a teenager and I share custody, so it's not like my dating availability is crazily restricted.. ..

And yet, men who are far from conventionally handsome, men who are quite a hit older than me, men whose employment and finances are less stable than my own, men who are less educated and articulate, seem to assume I should be desperate to leap into bed with them without them even going to the effort of taking me out first - almost as if I should be flattered that they would sleep with me! And when it becomes clear i'm actually expecting the effort of a date, with no guarantee of sex afterwards, they can't be arsed....

Sorry, I know this is a self-indulgent rant! I'll recover my positivity soon - I know there are decent guys out there - it just feels like a needle in a haystack of shit, sometimes .....

Oof - I can agree with this. I am 60 and ok on paper, not stunning at all but acceptable ish and a bit overweight - I don’t think I’m repulsive.

I look at some guys and it’s clear I’m way, way below their expectations/wants - that’s ok or can be - but I sometimes bitchily wonder if they ever looked in a mirror or checked out their dating cv.

Then they talk to you like it’s an absolute massive favour you are receiving - no I’m here to date, not worship at your alter ffs.

Mr Situationship just knew I dropped lucky - I had a decent job, my own place, and was average enough looks I guess - he had no job, (but had had amazing ones), rented flat in not the best area (but had owned an amazing house previously) but obviously was God’s gift. On holiday I found he was telling folk I was older than him as he believed he looked younger - I found out as an older lady didn’t believe him and came to check with me - so yeah he was an embarrassment to be in public with too. So I stayed a decade haha and I know that’s on me!.

I think we have to acknowledge there are these poor specimens amongst us and just be glad they show themselves early on - there are also decent guys I think - just a bit of a chore working through the crap.

You definitely are the prize and don’t settle for anyone thinking less.

MsJinks · 08/06/2026 05:25

Nosdacariad · 07/06/2026 18:37

@Ilovelurchers I don't have all of your advantages, but I am finding the same.

Planes has no job, no home and issues...

Hey - hope you’re ok. Thank you for quietly resolving the shark in these waters.

It’s a difficult one with Mr Planes - I had high hopes here for you - and this may be a real shame - I’m sorry anyway for the glitches now whether you stay or go. It’s so hard to be sensible when it’s not even clear what sensible is I think - he’s maybe got a plan for housing/work? Is it workable?

I’m watching one of my kids’ fellas not look for work in a a bit of a frustrated manner - he had a decent job, was stupid and lost it, still appealing but it’s a year now! He does bits here and there - he’s not put anything on my daughter (they don’t live together). It’s nowt to do with me so it’s ok but I’m finding it baffling he ‘wants to work’ but this job wouldn’t let him do this, that job has weekends attached, best wait as this, not quite his thing. I’d be very frustrated with that as he could get an average, if not great job, pretty easily.

I don’t know if Mr Planes may be more solid.

The rent - that can be not uncommon if it’s how he’s always lived, family/ friends have always lived - which may he understandable a bit more. If it’s something he heard down the pub from a randomer and thought ‘I’ll have some of that’ then it’s a bit more worrying re his general integrity and , sorry, but also his bright perhaps. What did his landlady say? And what did he say when you gave a different view on it?

Obviously, there’s the bit of ED - you’ve been open with each other about this - guess bottom line is if he has done what he said - and been respectful of your take on it.

Guess it’s hard for you to know what to do. 💐 Maybe you don’t need to decide today, but it will become apparent over time - these things can chip away though and spoil stuff, at least a bit, anyway I think unless resolved.

Original poster

Nosdacariad · 08/06/2026 07:41

TheThingOnTheIce · 07/06/2026 18:42

It’s absolutely not you @Ilovelurchers
at this point I think it’s more like finding a needle in a field of haystacks that’s been sprayed silver
i think that’s mostly why I’m still so pissed off with my last ex
he could have been that needle and I’m so angry I’m having to start this bullshit from scratch yet AGAIN

i haven’t even spoken to anyone on Hinge yet, I don’t even know why I’m bothering . I don’t know what the answer is anymore

I feel the same about my ex. If he had just behaved with a basic amount of niceness...

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Original poster

Nosdacariad · 08/06/2026 07:43

CleanShirt · 07/06/2026 18:45

@Ilovelurchers absolutely nothing to do with you! And all their loss!

@Polly1979 did you decide what to do?

Mr Mullet had just left. I originally thought I had to work early tomorrow so he booked in a pub quiz, but I got my shifts mixed up. No biggie, would have been nice if he could have spent the night but was my error.

Turned up with bubbles, bagels and smoked salmon. TMI but we spent most of the day in bed with a couple of hours in the pub in between.

I welcomed it as much as him (a great Sunday IMO) but am now even more worried he's more interested in FWB, whereas he is the first person in a long time I would be keen to partner up with.

Spoken about meet ups for the next few weeks so we will see but I think I need to tread carefully for my own sake (difficult with my stupid anxious brain!)

I swear I can hear Whoopi Goldberg saying "you in danger girl" 🤣

(Sorry that was long!)

@CleanShirt how lovely AND do you feel you could open a conversation about this with him?

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Original poster

Nosdacariad · 08/06/2026 07:46

Ilovelurchers · 07/06/2026 19:43

Thank you for the kind words everyone.....

And I am sorry if my post sounded like I think I'm something special - I really don't - I've got two failed marriages and various other long term relationships behind me, so I am definitely not perfect and I have my demons. ...

In one of our horrible arguments, when I told him I wanted to move on and meet someone who actually valued me, my ex asked me what I thought I had to offer a man. (Implying, nothing ...). After quite a lot of counselling, I do feel (most of the time) that I have a lot to offer and am genuinely worthy of love....

But just occasionally, that question comes back to haunt me .....

But you are all right - and we are all the proof of it! A bunch of kind, funny, articulate, experienced, emotionally intelligent women, and all of us either struggling, or having struggled, with rejection and indifference, from men who should count themselves lucky to even get the chance of a date with us!

However, those of you who have managed to meet someone decent are proof that there is hope! (And it's lovely that you still come on here and give encouragement and advice to the rest of us!)

And, at least I am lucky that I have a job I love, good friends, lovely family, a fantastic daughter..... A relationship with a nice fella would be the icing on the cake, but at least I don't feel I NEED one to be happy, in the way I used to when I was younger .....

Onwards and upwards! No matches on Hinge so far, but I do have a couple of Bumble dates that haven't yet been cancelled.... Mr Cars on Tuesday (cautiously hopeful about him - his messages are regular, respectful and sweet), and Mr Artistic on Saturday, who also seems a sweet fella. I am trying to tread the line between remaining cheerfully optimistic, but also realistic. L

But you ARE something special and please hold that thought ♥️🧡💛💚💙💜💞

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Original poster

Nosdacariad · 08/06/2026 07:49

Ilovelurchers · 07/06/2026 19:51

Where are you at with Planes now? Are you thinking of calling it a day, due to the issues you've mentioned?

It's gutting, especially as there is clearly a lot you like about him.

Is his job and housing situation likely to be a temporary thing? I know that's probably hard to answer, but does he have any job applications in? Does he work in an industry where he is likely to be able to find new employment quickly?

A temporary blip might not be so bad, but being with someone who is long term unemployed is tough, I know from experience.

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I am going to review after an event I would like to go to with him in a couple of weeks.
He is starting a business with a very thorough plan, so that side may be ok.
There are a LOT of other things...we'll see.

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Original poster

Nosdacariad · 08/06/2026 07:57

MsJinks · 08/06/2026 05:25

Hey - hope you’re ok. Thank you for quietly resolving the shark in these waters.

It’s a difficult one with Mr Planes - I had high hopes here for you - and this may be a real shame - I’m sorry anyway for the glitches now whether you stay or go. It’s so hard to be sensible when it’s not even clear what sensible is I think - he’s maybe got a plan for housing/work? Is it workable?

I’m watching one of my kids’ fellas not look for work in a a bit of a frustrated manner - he had a decent job, was stupid and lost it, still appealing but it’s a year now! He does bits here and there - he’s not put anything on my daughter (they don’t live together). It’s nowt to do with me so it’s ok but I’m finding it baffling he ‘wants to work’ but this job wouldn’t let him do this, that job has weekends attached, best wait as this, not quite his thing. I’d be very frustrated with that as he could get an average, if not great job, pretty easily.

I don’t know if Mr Planes may be more solid.

The rent - that can be not uncommon if it’s how he’s always lived, family/ friends have always lived - which may he understandable a bit more. If it’s something he heard down the pub from a randomer and thought ‘I’ll have some of that’ then it’s a bit more worrying re his general integrity and , sorry, but also his bright perhaps. What did his landlady say? And what did he say when you gave a different view on it?

Obviously, there’s the bit of ED - you’ve been open with each other about this - guess bottom line is if he has done what he said - and been respectful of your take on it.

Guess it’s hard for you to know what to do. 💐 Maybe you don’t need to decide today, but it will become apparent over time - these things can chip away though and spoil stuff, at least a bit, anyway I think unless resolved.

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Totally, with the ED it is not "is it resolved" but "has he taken steps to resolve it".

With the rent thing he knows he would be flouting the rules and I'll find out today what the landlady said.

We'll see where we're at in a couple of weeks.

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BoxOfCats · 08/06/2026 08:27

duckingclueless · 07/06/2026 20:11

Can I ask how does anyone keep up with this thread? I’m trying really hard to listen but am ND. Could we have a daily roundup racing commentary style!?! (Just joking) had a platonic afternoon with Mr Holiday Homes. I’m going to be brutally honest. I like him but he’s the same height as me. I’m honestly struggling with that. At 6’2 he’d have been a slam dunk! Why??? Couple of other imperfections but this is the biggest. I’m travelling now for a while. He bought me a perfect book (very me) for my travels. I like the physical contact with him and hoped for more of a kiss but he couldn’t really as I’d knocked him back. (Yes I am an overthinker)

Daily roundup sounds like it might be a job for AI!

Ah that’s a shame about Mr HH. But if he chemistry’s not there, it’s not there…

BoxOfCats · 08/06/2026 08:40

Cute work colleague Mr Social added me on Instagram today. He does work in our social media team, although there’s no work reason for him to have added me 🧐 He’s messaged me already, something non work related we were chatting about in the office. I feel like I’m a teenager wondering if he likes me or not…

Ilovelurchers · 08/06/2026 10:23

BoxOfCats · 08/06/2026 08:40

Cute work colleague Mr Social added me on Instagram today. He does work in our social media team, although there’s no work reason for him to have added me 🧐 He’s messaged me already, something non work related we were chatting about in the office. I feel like I’m a teenager wondering if he likes me or not…

This is very exciting! Can you tell if he is single?

empirebiscuits12 · 08/06/2026 11:02

Hello again everyone, I’ve decided to come back after flouncing off last week 🙈😂

Been reading all of the updates over the weekend and keeping abreast of all the dating gossip! And just to reiterate what was said above…..we ARE all special and we ARE the prize! Any guy who makes us feel otherwise can do one!

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend 🤍

Becky3825 · 08/06/2026 11:21

@empirebiscuits12 , so good to come on and see your post. I reported that 'guy' too when he started on you. He needs professional help and his tech removed..

Anyway, I am back too, clearly. But I saw the situationship man so got tail between legs

Becky3825 · 08/06/2026 11:28

@Nosdacariad and to make you feel less at sea with the bedroom issues, I found an empty box of Viagra in my guy's recycling bin on Friday when I stayed.

Didn't mention it as he is 41 and it would be impossible for him to use them every time we've done it the last 9 months. Plus despite everything I wouldn't want to embarrass him. I think he does feel the pressure to be an absolute stallion every time, which I definitely haven't helped with my comments to him pre-meeting, or when we are together. Basically blowing smoke up his arse for how many times he can 'go' etc for his age.

Anyway, it made me feel kind of stronger , like he had a chink in his own armour too. That he worried and felt insecure like all us mortals

Becky3825 · 08/06/2026 11:30

@BoxOfCats If its any consolation I am like a teenager when I like anyone still. I get the gid!

Becky3825 · 08/06/2026 11:30

I do feel 'The Gid' is a sign you really fancy them though

CleanShirt · 08/06/2026 11:56

Becky3825 · 08/06/2026 11:30

@BoxOfCats If its any consolation I am like a teenager when I like anyone still. I get the gid!

Same here! Although no phones when I was a teenager made it much easier 🤣

Original poster

Nosdacariad · 08/06/2026 12:37

empirebiscuits12 · 08/06/2026 11:02

Hello again everyone, I’ve decided to come back after flouncing off last week 🙈😂

Been reading all of the updates over the weekend and keeping abreast of all the dating gossip! And just to reiterate what was said above…..we ARE all special and we ARE the prize! Any guy who makes us feel otherwise can do one!

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend 🤍

Welcome back beautiful 😍

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Original poster

Nosdacariad · 08/06/2026 12:40

Becky3825 · 08/06/2026 11:28

@Nosdacariad and to make you feel less at sea with the bedroom issues, I found an empty box of Viagra in my guy's recycling bin on Friday when I stayed.

Didn't mention it as he is 41 and it would be impossible for him to use them every time we've done it the last 9 months. Plus despite everything I wouldn't want to embarrass him. I think he does feel the pressure to be an absolute stallion every time, which I definitely haven't helped with my comments to him pre-meeting, or when we are together. Basically blowing smoke up his arse for how many times he can 'go' etc for his age.

Anyway, it made me feel kind of stronger , like he had a chink in his own armour too. That he worried and felt insecure like all us mortals

I think planes should get the lower dose daily version, but whether he does or not...

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Original poster

Nosdacariad · 08/06/2026 12:40

Becky3825 · 08/06/2026 11:21

@empirebiscuits12 , so good to come on and see your post. I reported that 'guy' too when he started on you. He needs professional help and his tech removed..

Anyway, I am back too, clearly. But I saw the situationship man so got tail between legs

I reported him too x

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Ilovelurchers · 08/06/2026 12:58

empirebiscuits12 · 08/06/2026 11:02

Hello again everyone, I’ve decided to come back after flouncing off last week 🙈😂

Been reading all of the updates over the weekend and keeping abreast of all the dating gossip! And just to reiterate what was said above…..we ARE all special and we ARE the prize! Any guy who makes us feel otherwise can do one!

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend 🤍

So glad you are back, lovely! That guy was a nasty piece of work, he had some nasty views. It's a testament to all of our kindness and patience that we all tried to help him as long as we did, but there is just no helping some people......

Anyway, onwards and upwards, and we are, indeed, the prizes!

(Though the men of Hinge don't seem to have got the memo on this, at least as far as I am concerned. Not a single match so far......😥)

Brightbluesomething · 08/06/2026 14:05

Glad this is back to a supportive space now 😊
I also reloaded Hinge yesterday and have a fair few likes and some matches. It seems to have picked up a lot. I saw someone in the supermarket yesterday that I know is on OLD and he’s messaged me on Hinge today to check it was me and said I looked lovely. Bearing in mind I was racing round before it closed to get everything I needed wearing jeans and a hoodie, that was a bit of a stretch! He’s quite attractive and local so will see how that progresses. At least I know he looks like his photos.
I’ve also decided to screen slightly less and see if more matches throws up someone I wouldn’t have ordinarily dated. My Bumble data really showed I like barely anyone online so proceeding with burned haystack isn’t working.