Starting a fourth thread when I hoped three would be enough

[PithyBeaker]

really hoped I wouldn’t need this but looks like I do

Very happy for you OP 😊

most of the small stuff now gone too, down to small furniture dregs. And an “Alex” update… non-date on Wednesday (ie. meeting up to do a fun outdoor activity we both enjoy which is how we met). V v v v relaxed about the whole situation. All well. Thanks pals xxx

You are doing so well. It seems as if you're starting to float above the negative things and just enjoying a sense of 'being'. It's a wonderful thing when that happens.

Enjoy Wednesday's non-date.

Fingers crossed for good weather for you! Or maybe bad weather at the end so you need to go indoors and snuggle up together 😜

I’m so pleased for you OP and that you are experiencing life beyond this relationship.
Im sure he has many regrets.

It sounds like your self esteem is recovering a bit from the battering it's taken over the last few years.

I remember you saying you thought ex was your last chance at love and now you're seeing that there's a lot more out there than him and you're actually quite a catch. Your self image is undergoing revision and that's a good thing.

You saw yourself as less than you are and that was fine with ex because it kept you vulnerable to being kept in a bad situation. I still think you could benefit from individual therapy with a good therapist to clarify how your past still affects your present and to let that voice go.

Fair winds and following seas.

Thank you, most clever potato. I will think about therapy but honestly last one was so bad I feel quite scalded by it. I’m doing ok at the moment, I think. And the “Alex” situation continues…. Saw him today, only half planned, we kind of planned to bump into each other (if that makes sense) and ended up hanging out in a casual way for a bit. Found out we were actually at the same uni for the same three years believe it or not but never met, which is a weird coincidence

A little alarm bell just went off in my head at the University thing. Please set my mind at rest and tell me the conversation didn't go like:
Him: "So which University did you attend?"
You: "XYZ University"
Him: "Me too! When were you there?"
You: [dates]
Him: "Oh, so was I, how amazing is that?"

🫣😂😅 no, I’m not that stupid. He said his dates first, and I was like, wait, what?? Same as me. The university is Oxford and we were at different colleges in very different departments and he was doing his postgrad while I was an undergrad but our years were exactly the same, which is a funny coincidence. Also FWIW I have verified all his deets and qualifications, they are all over online…. He is legit, I’m afraid.

@PithyBeaker

Random....but how is your DS doing?

Great 😊 thanks

Well done. Good idea to make sure he is legit.

Tell you what I’m not sure where your ex was educated but he didn’t quite know who he was talking on did he?
Anyway, about Steve. Blimey. Not that I should be that invested but….

Just to say, space potato, I have just ordered this, after a read back of messages. Thanks 🙏

Excellent book I read it 30 years ago, it was so easy to see myself in some of the behaviours and to stop it. Also how childhood experience is often what sets us up for people pleasing.
It was my blueprint for valuing myself and learning to say no.