How to meet nice 40s to 50s women

[GeorgeA12]

Been a single dad for 15 years, worked hard and juggled to keep everything together. Daughter is going off to uni this year.

Thought it would be nice to meet someone again as will have more time for a relationship now. Looking for something meaningful. I'm 51, fit, tall, in good shape, good job but where do you start? I've tried OLD but it's always a nightmare! Any advice appreciated!

Thread title updated by MNHQ on OP's request

@Brightbluesomething i know. im the best version of me so just going to do my life I think, join some clubs and see what happens. Its the finding the half a chance that is difficult, which is why I came on her to get some advice and not use OLD anymore!

No 51 year old man is looking for a woman over 60 - to settle into a relationship with. Most (like the OP) will be looking for a woman 45 or under.

Whether he manages to find one is another matter.........

But basically, yeah, men over 45 never go for older women. (And often seek women more than 5 years younger.)

U OK dude?

You seem to have gotten lost on your way to meet your little incel buddies.

@GeorgeA12 indeed ignore the posters who have an issue with your terminology. I don’t suppose you are in South London are you? I am 52. Same age DD and had an online date yesterday. He talked at me for 2 hours. I could write a dissertation on his life. I’m not sure he could write a post it note about mine. I do also look the same as my profile pictures and am good company and interesting so I am told.

I, like you intensely dislike and am despairing of OLD.

Wondering if there's going to be a queue! 😁
I don't think you'll have any trouble OP. You sound authentic and reflective which is always a bonus! And brave for having even tried OLD, I dabbled and gave up straight away. I long for old school dating and rules I understand!

I'm also 51 with older teens living their own lives mainly, am enjoying getting fit through pilates/yoga type things and am an outdoorsy homebird. Also lost at how to meet someone. So I'll join the queue 😅 and if it gets to me and you're interested, pm for a chat! West Sussex. 😊

I'd treat OLD with a nonchalant attitude OP whilst looking for RL connections. These nice women on OLD have a tendency to ghost people ( 3 times this week) a courteous note saying no thanks doesn't take much effort does it?

It might be ideal to look at some of the dating you tube coaches. They are primarily aimed at women but it might give you insight a different perspective on things. The one guy I found useful was Matthew Coast.

I am unsure if you mentioned you are a widower. I am a member of the charity "Widowed and Young".WAY If you were 50 or younger at the time of your partner's death then this charity have social events across the UK.

oh come on, by the sound of a very decent man, is going to date over 60 when he can fetch 35 to 50? Bonkers. He is looking for someone to grow older with , not someone getting ready for a care home

This. I don’t buy this post at all. Faux naivety of OP at not knowing how the term females is used or could be offensive. The

It’s really not ghosting if you haven’t met yet IRL. It doesn’t mean they’re not nice people. It’s just part of OLD, some people are having multiple conversations, they connect more with 1 or 2 so quit the ones the connect less with or life gets busy and they don’t look at the app for a while. Or a million other reasons. At the end of the day they’re complete strangers and you need to see them that way until you meet in person, otherwise you’ll never last OLD. I’ve “ghosted” many people and many people have ghosted me. I don’t mind at all. I’d find it way more weird and awkward if they sent some kind of explanation saying “sorry, I’ve had a think and decided we’re not a good match”. I think it’d actually annoy me

I do get dates on OLD and people generally want to meet again but I've just been put off with it and think it's better to meet organically

@GeorgeA12 I don’t really get what your issue is then?

You’ve had dates and met women, they just weren’t for you.

That’s how OLD goes, it’s not instant for most folk.

There’s a saying about OLD “ a man’s worst fear is a woman’s photo will be out of date. whereas a woman’s worst fears is she will be harmed by a man on a first date!” And yet I know women who have been using them for years well over a decade and barely had any relationships longer than 6 months resulting from them.

You don’t seem to have had any awful experiences, you just haven’t met the right one for you. I think especially given you are relatively new to it you need a bit more grit and patience if you want to continue OLD. Bit early to be frustrated!

Completely agree. Sorry but I’ve rarely seen an attractive 51 year old man on dating apps. Not saying they’re ugly but it’s rare they’re attractive. And yet many seem to think they are massively so.

And yeah the older ones seem obsessed with dating way younger. Once I had a 61 year old message me. I was 37 and I had clearly stated no one above 45. 🙄

But you wrote her off very quickly for looking older, basically

yeah it’s totally fine to be superficial about who you date IMO but own it.

OP, It’s not that you can’t find a nice woman it’s that you can’t find a nice woman who looks young enough/meets your standards in looks. And that’s fine but let’s call a spade a spade.

I think sometimes men who say they can’t find a woman leave that out but as they think their plight will be regarded with less sympathy. Lol

Its like a lot of these “incels” who claim they can’t get any woman at all, wouldn’t go near a fat or disabled women and often use very racist and demeaning terms for women of colour.

They’re angry that they can’t get a skinny blonde conventionally attractive woman under 30. No matter how old or fat or
unattractive they are.

@Smarvellous tried to PM you to say hi and thanks but it's not working, maybe your settings block PMs.

@Unclesadam this is not true. I'm happy to date older people and I didn't write her off for looking older. The person that arrived just did not look like their pics in any way. I didn't find them attractive and I didn't want a second date. This happens between people all the time.

I met my lovely partner in real life, through a hobby group. After we found we had lots in common, he asked me if I wanted to go for a coffee, then we went for a meal out, then we started seeing each other regularly. I’m mid 50s, widowed and it was very flattering to be asked out like that! Try a hobby group if you can. OLD seems to be an absolute minefield

Ah many apols @GeorgeA12! I have changed my settings 😊
Now hoping we're not opposite ends of the county 🤞

Cookery classes (you are a good cook, so maybe one of those restaurant run things - I one did a residential for a few days, cooking and eating together, fantastic way to meet people). Volunteering National Trust gardens. Book Club. Yoga (although, definitely focus on Yoga). Walking clubs (I've never actually come across one, but walking and proper conversations go hand in hand). Go to arty things. Is there sea swimming or rowing up on Dundee? I don't know, just start living your life again and enjoying your free time. Won't take you long to meet a whole host of new friends and hopefully someone romantically in time. Goodluck!

(ps I'm mystified why the female / woman thing matters)

I didn't find them attractive and I didn't want a second date. This happens between people all the time

Well that’s partly my point. It happens all the time so again - I don’t see what your issue is?

You’ve only recently started online dating by the sounds of it and met a few women who wanted a second date, but who you aren’t attracted to.

And yet you say in your opening posts regarding OLD that it’s a “nightmare” ?

Where's the nightmare?

(ps I'm mystified why the female / woman thing matters)

or the age thing

Exactly. You’re not going to find everyone attractive. Not everyone is going to find you attractive. That’s just life. It’s a numbers game.

This Is just online dating unfortunately.

At least you don't have to contend with perverts who request 'full body shots so they can see what they're getting'.

This. Exactly.

I don’t want to berate the OP for it cos it was a genuine mistake and he went to the trouble of getting it changed. But it does matter! I hate it, it’s dehumanising, it’s what you’d call a bunch of foxes or toads or pigs. “the females are in this pen”. We’re human beings, we’re women! I don’t like when people say ‘males’ either but it doesn’t get my back up as much as females, probably cos women are already objectified so much, this is just more objectification

The incel/manosphere community use the word female as a noun in an attempt to dehumanise women.

And while I realise that not all men using the word female instead of women are an incel, it is worth highlighting that it is being used that way and could be seen as a red flag.