How to meet nice 40s to 50s women

[GeorgeA12]

Been a single dad for 15 years, worked hard and juggled to keep everything together. Daughter is going off to uni this year.

Thought it would be nice to meet someone again as will have more time for a relationship now. Looking for something meaningful. I'm 51, fit, tall, in good shape, good job but where do you start? I've tried OLD but it's always a nightmare! Any advice appreciated!

Thread title updated by MNHQ on OP's request

You could try meetup. It's basically a place for interest groups to advertise their group. https://www.meetup.com/

@GeorgeA12 do you fancy learning to dance? Ceroc is a great way to meet people and you don't need a partner to attend. I'm married, but lots of the people I dance with are single and many find it a good way to meet new partners.

@outofideas2 thats a good idea - i used to do that when i was younger, also thinking I would like to get back into yoga again. I think ive just got to concentrate on myself as other posters have said and see what happens from there!

OP, meeting someone outside of OLD is obviously much harder the older you get (and I have to say I only know two people who’ve done so). But if you really are exactly as you describe yourself, then you’re possibly a bit of a unicorn and I imagine a lot of women would be pleased to meet you.

Getting out there, joining stuff and socialising as widely as possible is the key, plus just enjoying your life and not making finding a partner the active focus of those activities. Both my friends met their partners completely naturally in situations where they were neither looking nor expecting it. Good luck.

(The ‘female’ thing is an issue to be aware of though. It’s so bound up in incel and manosphere rhetoric that it’s understandably a hot button for many women. As @LadyLavenderUrchin said, you’re getting an unnecessarily hard time on here because of it, but language is important and it’s worth noting before you get your arse handed to you IRL!)

But first impressions count.
Referring to women as females is so tied up in the incel/monosphere culture that many women will not take the risk. It’s worth the OP taking that on board and understanding why some women don’t like it, rather than trying to prove them wrong!

@EnjoythemoneyJane aww thanks for the compliment. I think i'm at my peak to be honest. I have realised through bereavements life is short and im ready for a meaningful relationship again. But I will just try and focus on doing new things I enjoy and keep doing OLD too I guess. I have been pretty robotic up until now focusing on my daughter and work. Im a sensitive guy and never meant to offend anyone on here.

You beat me to it! I was about to say is that you Martin Goodman? 🤣

Both "female" and "male" are adjectives. When used as nouns they are dehumanising.

Think about it - you wouldn't say "the blacks" or "the gays" would you? it would sound horribly racist/homophobic.

The reason some women on this site get away with saying "males" is because this site is mainly populated by women - the men aren't here to post that it's offensive. But they are both offensive.

In fact when I see a post referring to "males" or "females" and purporting to be written by a woman, I immediately suspect it's a man, trolling.

Well, it’s great that you have good self-esteem, but the vast majority of people at your life stage have dedicated themselves to raising their children, if they have them, and to their career. Those things aren’t going to win you plaudits, they’re just basics. Are you interesting, clever, articulate, self-aware, good company? What does someone meeting you for the first time meet?

Meant to add, I wish you luck in dating! It's not easy out there for men OR women.

ive asked mumsnet to update my post title. Sorry again.

I wouldn’t give up on OLD dating after one date. You need a thick skin, it’s a numbers game and you’re going to have to put the effort in if you want to find someone decent. That means swiping every day, sending opening messages every day. I’d casually chat for around a week before asking someone out. You want to get a feel for whether you’d actually get along IRL and if they are genuine or not. There are nice women on dating apps. I know lots of them.

George - think you’re getting a bit of a bashing here and you sound nice, despite the inadvertent ‘females’ clanger, which gave me a laugh anyway because, Martin Goodman.

I know plenty of lovely single women in their 40s - beautiful, intelligent, solvent, interesting - but not one unattached straight chap in his 40s or 50s who I could in conscience introduce them to as a potential date.

So assuming you are kind and decent, I think it will only be a matter of time before you are snapped up, whether online dating or in real life. Wishing you well.

Yes, but you wouldn’t say ‘woman friendships’ would you?

Anyway, let’s leave that; I think you’re getting a bit of an unnecessary bashing for it.

You say you keep yourself fit? Do you enjoy hiking, or outdoor activities? There are loads of groups that do that sort of thing, and if you don’t meet someone for romance, you’ll definitely make friends.

@OrdinaryGirl thankyou! Im interested to know the reasons why you would not introduce one of those guys to your friends?

I’m genuinely wondering - why are decent men in their 40s/50s unicorns? (As in, not amazing men who look like Tom Hardy and have their own private jet! But just relatively good-looking, kind men with a decent job) if over 40% of marriages end in divorce nowadays? Shouldn’t that mean there are a fair few decent ones out there who are divorced or between relationships?

I feel as though you are being very harsh and looks focused. You had a nice time. Doesn’t that count for anything?

The reason a woman might post old pics is that women are judged so heavily on their looks and the standards expected of a 40/50 year old woman in these days of Mountjaro, Botox, filtered selfies and HRT are very high. If you met someone IRL perhaps the focus would not be so much on that one aspect.

I’m happily married and not looking to date but if I was I would also see ‘female’ as a red flag and I would want someone to be more interested in me as a person than in looks at this stage of our lives.

Before anyone thinks I am just a resentful cat fisher I am not overweight, work out regularly etc etc but I do that for health reasons mainly. I hate so much how women are judged almost exclusively on our looks in a hugely unrealistic way.

Maybe something to consider if your ‘success’ criteria only include women 10 years younger than you and fitting certain looks criteria.

No she said she was 54 and Im 51 and I was happy to meet, but there has to be attraction.

Never been on OLD and pretty Convinced if I split with dh I wouldn't be interested in old.

But it seems the general advice is go on dates pretty fast. Don't waste weeks talking to just meet up and find it's all BS.

I was saying to my dd you just need to close your eyes and throw a dart to find a crappy bloke. Maybe that's true for women.

If you can talk about your former partners without saying they was crazy you'd be pretty unique. Still lots of woman seem to love that "his ex was a crazy bitch". Then they quickly find out why these men are single at 50.

Good luck OP. You can tell by some of the replies already. Nice women are like rocking horse shit.

You might need to expand your age range. You are 51 and looking for women 40s to 50s. This looks like you would date someone 10 years young but not 10 years older? Have I got that right?

It really depends how old the pics were. If it was 5 or less years, maybe that’s ok, and I think most people would find that acceptable and understand why someone does it. But anyone, male or female, posting a photo that’s 10+ years old is straight up catfishing and it’s not ok to mislead someone like that. We all know the kind of response a woman who started a thread on here saying “turned up for a date and realised his pics were 15 years old” would get. “He’s dodgy AF”, “he’s a catfisher”, “he’s probably married”, “run NOW” etc etc. Yet when a woman does it, that’s ok cos “of society”. I’m a woman who dates women so I can see both perspectives and absolutely would be extremely pissed off if I turned up to meet someone and they’d posted a really old pic. Equally i’d never do it myself, mainly because I’d just be so mortified to see someone’s face drop when I met them IRL and they realise I look about 100 years older than they were expecting! Maybe some people do it cos they’re a bit delusional and they genuinely think they don’t look much different, cos I can’t imagine having the confidence to know how much older you look yet go and meet the person anyway

Well, women are more likely to initiate divorce (some studies suggest that 70% of divorces are initiated by women) so I’m guessing most of those divorced men aren’t the ones women are desperate to start a relationship with.

meeting people seems really hard, but i think as someone with a job, who is presentable and has no issues with their time (so no childcare or school issues) the answer is to try a combination of OLD and good old fashioned joining a club.

Good luck, OP, and thanks for taking it on board (and on the chin) about the thread title. Thanks for getting it changed.

I somehow don’t think you’re naive enough to believe op would go out his way to date a 61 yo.