How to meet nice 40s to 50s women

[GeorgeA12]

Been a single dad for 15 years, worked hard and juggled to keep everything together. Daughter is going off to uni this year.

Thought it would be nice to meet someone again as will have more time for a relationship now. Looking for something meaningful. I'm 51, fit, tall, in good shape, good job but where do you start? I've tried OLD but it's always a nightmare! Any advice appreciated!

Thread title updated by MNHQ on OP's request

oh my goodness, this made me spill my coffee with laughter

Well you shouldnt. Thats probably why you are not getting any dates. We hate that. We are women.

I've apologised for this and as I said just used a similar title a woman made about wanting to find nice males in their 50s

No. It is because there is a specific, vile subset of men who use the word "female" when they mean women. They are generally Incel Culture Manosphere types who demean women in what they say, and using "female" is one of those ways

There is not an equivalent movement of women doing the same to men.

But @GeorgeA12 you can report your first post (use the report button) select "other" for the reason for reporting and ask mn to substitute the word "women" in your title.

What are you bringing to the table, OP? What kind of feedback have you had from previous partners and/or why do you think people should go on a date with you? Not asking to be snarky but genuine question as if you aren’t getting snapped up I wonder if you either aren’t selling yourself/lack confidence, or whether there is something you are unaware of that might be letting you down inadvertently on OLD. I second the suggestion to join stuff and get out there a lot. Choir, dancing, pottery, book club, etc etc. What are your interests? How could you use these to find like minded women?

Exactly. And it’s really hard to believe that a man that uses mumsnet, who has a teen daughter, isn’t aware of that. 🧐

As an adjective - "female friendships"

Referring to Females is all a bit Ferrengi.

My friends in their 50s, 60s and 70s have mostly found dates via shared interests like exercise classes, choirs, dog walking and volunteering.

They got involved with those activities for their own sake rather than dating, which I think is important. The people who are there just for hunting for a date given off very creepy vibes.

I think primarily time has been a major factor juggling work, daughter, clubs in evening etc, but that's freeing up for me now. But I've been stuck in this routine for years. I'm quite confident, athletic, attractive I think. Have a good job but work on my own a lot. I'm a great cook, fun and a few brains. It's just difficult hence thought I would come on here but think trying new hobbies and stretching myself to do new things will help.

I do get dates on OLD and people generally want to meet again but I've just been put off with it and think it's better to meet organically.

i would keep trying OLD, there are many women who seem to despair of the men on it and if you’re a decent bloke, eventually you might come across a nice woman too.

if i was you i would be ruthless. you turn up and they’ve misled you, i would literally jus turn around and walk away.

are personal ads still a thing on the Guardian? maybe you’d attract a different crowd there.

Yes sorry I'm on my phone typing!

Hi OP. Sorry if the advice you have received here has not been encouraging. I wonder if you are a little out of practice at 'dating'? I think you have touched a few nerves with your posts and perhaps rather than being offended you might be persuaded to see this as essential feedback that could be really useful to you. Your original post said you wished to meet females in the 40-50 age bracket, which might sound perfectly reasonable, but is a far cry away from saying you would like to meet a woman around your age to have a relationship and fall in love with. The latter perspective will go down much better with women perhaps. On dates your choice of words does reveal your intentions.

I would also suggest you consider again your explanation that you went on a date with a woman whose photos were misleading and wasted your time and money. This is quite a transactional way to look at it, and doesn't ooze a warm, friendly vibe. I think perhaps you are closing yourself off to the chemistry between two people that makes relationships work with this approach. It is absolutely fine not to fancy someone but on dates I wonder if you might be better served trying to get to know them and hone your dating muscle rather than writing someone off as a waste of time and money. I hope you were more charming on the date-I am sure you were, OP, but describing the date like this makes me concerned that you'll put women off.

Being fit, employed and confident that you're a good proposition is a great start but on dates, maybe focus on trying to ensure the other person has a good time. Not everyone will be the love of your life but you'll probably learn something from every interaction that will benefit you in the future and viewing life as though no time is wasted might serve you better. Maybe persist with a few online dates to get back in the swing of things and listen to what women are saying so you can recalibrate to the expectations of what makes them smile and want to see you again, whilst also taking a punt on asking a few women you meet in real life out for a drink and seeing how that goes. Practice makes perfect after all. Good luck, OP.

If people generally want to meet again then you seem to be the limiting factor?

Join a dating agency? I think some of them take men for no fee because they have more female than male clients

Agreed! I’m a woman in my 40’s and when I hear men refer to women as females I get instant incel/manosphere vibes.
@GeorgeA12listen to us instead of trying to find examples to prove us wrong.

I’ll be honest, lots of women my age are feeling very jaded about men at the moment.

Bowls and golf as hobbies attracting women in their 40s-50s, srsly?!

I would argue nobody would want to date a finger wagging perpetually offended person who would lose their cool because someone said female. I am sorry, but I dont see any of you being frustrated in all the other threads where women call men an entire different species or as a group entirely useless. so hey. here is a good filter for you @GeorgeA12 . anyone being offended over nothing is someone you dont want to date for example. haha. all of you who didnt hesitate to jump in and scream 'we are not females' i hope you are just as delightful when you fill out a form and go ask for the manager because the options were male and female, and not 'strong independent woman who needs no man'. tone down the butthurtness and learn to understand context. yes when a redpill bro shouts all females are only good for one thing. yes that is derogatory. look at the post. did it sound like OP was looking down on us? no. dont start a fight where there is no need for it. aim it at the actual idiots.

as for you, OP, my suggestion is to just be. don't force it dont try to be this or that way. the best relationships are organic. join clubs where people share interests and if there is chemistry with someone that is great. but dont be desperate and appear here or there trying to suss out who you could be romantic with. that is rarely attractive. so just be you and do things you like. and someone will be there who likes those things.

Yes, my grandmother played golf for years, she in her 80s now but was a very good golfer in her 40's and 50's. My in-laws play bowls and a lot of there league players are women in their 50's.

Bowls??!

Good to know that’s considered an ‘age range’ appropriate sport for those of us in our 40s and 50s. FFS 😂

Generally the options are - hobby groups (walking, hiking), volunteering or the apps

I used to go to lots of walks arranged by various Meetup groups, loads more women than men.
Good luck, I decided staying single was easier 😅

It’s fine, you just said females instead of women - practically illegal on Mumsnet!

It doesn’t bother me personally but “Where do I meet males?” doesn’t sound right does it?

Volunteering is a good way of meeting people.
Our town has regular litter picks on Sunday mornings. All kinds of people there, really sociable, not awkward as you've got a purpose rather than sitting around trying to make conversation. After the litter pick those who want to go to the pub for a drink/roast dinner.

AmDram
Sports clubs - gig racing, tennis, running
Classes - yoga, arts
Church
Pub teams e.g. darts, skittles
Walking groups

@Bigtrapeze thanks for you comments. Yes we had a nice time together, some wine on the balcony so a good way to spend the Sunday afternoon for a few hours and had a nice walk afterwards (she asked). But as soon as she arrived I knew that this was not going to lead to a second date. As a previous poster said maybe i should have just left. But you invest in the chat, look good and put effort in for the date etc so didnt just want to walk away.

Yes previous OLD people have wanted to see me again but if its not there, its not there.

@LadyLavenderUrchin thank you so much for your post, and yes ill just be. I have made huge strides with myself over the last couple of years and finally feel like I am ready to meet someone again after years of hard work and struggle.