How to meet nice 40s to 50s women

[GeorgeA12]

Been a single dad for 15 years, worked hard and juggled to keep everything together. Daughter is going off to uni this year.

Thought it would be nice to meet someone again as will have more time for a relationship now. Looking for something meaningful. I'm 51, fit, tall, in good shape, good job but where do you start? I've tried OLD but it's always a nightmare! Any advice appreciated!

Thread title updated by MNHQ on OP's request

this is exactly what happened. I was a bit shocked and dont understand why people do this.

Probably early 40s to mid 50s.

Well she’s told you she’s 54 so if the pic looks 44 then don’t be surprised if it’s not recent. Unless she was in fact 64.

Just to say I'd answer to woman or female. Takes all sorts . Re dating I guess you've got to give it a while. Just arrange some meet ups with no pressure, just coffee and then see if you both click.

Online dating is a minefield.
Bit like Mumsnet then 🤔 😄

So Ive got to be a dating detective too 😀

Just less naive. If it looks too good to be true it probably is?

@Shrinkhole yes im learning!

Good luck @GeorgeA12 I'm sure you'll find the right person. Ignore the haters on here.

OP I don't think the term 'female' is offensive, and I'm a woman.

I did online dating and found the same RE misrepresentative photos too.

RE the dating scene, I think I'd try as previous posters have suggested, joining a club or hobby that's for both men and women to enjoy, and see if there's anyone you meet that sparks your interest. Good luck and keep us updated :)

You're here to prove a point?

As others have suggested I would look into hobbies if OLD is not for you, I’m not sure it would be for me either.
Local to me off the top of my head there are walking groups, reading groups, art/drawing classes etc all based from/in our community centre, so worth doing some research.
What about speed dating?! One of my friends tried, didn’t match with anyone but she said it was a great laugh and was interesting.

" I know plenty of lovely single women in their 40s - beautiful, intelligent, solvent, interesting - but not one unattached straight chap in his 40s or 50s who I could in conscience introduce them to as a potential date."

I feel the same.

There are two main reasons I wouldn't introduce them as a potential date.

1. The men I know in that category are confirmed bachelors who want short term relationships and have no intention of committing.
2. My lovely single women friends (between 40 and 65) have it all going on and aren't interested in accommodating a bloke into their lives. Being brutally honest they aren't that fussed about having sex and certainly don't want the baggage, commitment, faffing around, sunday lunch with someone else's extended family that would come with a relationship.

The op has been on mn for years, and I remember him being really kind to a poster and offering helpful advice.

Why not? There's not really any difference between a 58 year old woman and a 61 year old woman.

@DeadBug wow, i didnt realise people remember things i wrote. thats so kind and lovely of you to say.

You're welcome. Just wanted to put some perspective on so hopefully the thread turns the right way for you.

I met my partner at work OP. He's a little younger than you (46). I'm 37.

Do you meet people at work? If not I agree with trying hobbies or would give OLD another go

This is an important point
Women mid 40s to mid 50s are perimenopausal/ menopausal and in the squeezed generation coping with work (pension age rising to mid 60s), kids and ageing relatives. If I was single I would not be arsed about sex or a relationship. I’m just too busy and been there, done that. Maybe some others feel differently but perhaps that’s why it’s not a crowded market.

Or between a 61yo and a 64yo.
Or between a 64yo and a 67yo.
Or between a 67yo and a 70yo…

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sorites_paradox

Well done for sticking around after a pretty harsh start to your thread! Whereabouts are you geographically? OLD doesn’t really work if you’re rural as a lot of areas have a small population as it’s a numbers game. It’s easier in bigger cities and areas. Your profile needs to be good, up to date and fairly detailed. Meet quickly if you can. You will get ghosted and invest in conversations that go nowhere. This is all normal. Be resilient and take a break if you need to. If it’s not working for you be polite and exit, don’t string anyone along.
Build your friendships circle and go out and do things you like. You can sometimes bump into a potential date in the wild. Eg I love going to see live music so I do it anyway and people who appreciate that will be there.
You’ll always get a roasting on here as it’s just like that. There’s a dating thread in here which is really good if you have matches and need advice. There are plenty of us singles in your age range but you do have to sift through to find women you connect with who want the same things. Be upfront about what you’re looking for. Best of luck.

@GeorgeA12my friend (female 😜) who was sadly widowed in her late 40’s (now early 50’s) met her new partner last year.

She dipped her toe into OLD about 5 years ago and hated it.

She pretty much gave up on meeting someone and then decided to join a “mature” hiking club - mainly to get fit, meet new friends and have something to fill weekends since her children had left home.

Thats where they met and seem so happy together (getting married next year).

So something like that might be an option?

@Shrinkhole that in no way describes me and I’m in that age group. Many of my friends are too. Don’t write us off just because your life looks different.

Tbh I've observed that men in their 40's and 50's are often firstly, a bit over optimistic about their own attractiveness (they basically all think they are decently fit and good looking) and secondly, unrealistic about what most women in this age category look like. They claim they are interested in women of a similar age but in reality they are looking for a woman 10 years younger because they quietly feel entitled to a woman 'in good shape who is attractive' (reality - a woman in her late 30's or early 40's, rather than late 40's early 50's). Women in their mid 40's to 50's are generally menopausal and often struggling a bit with weight gain, fine lines appearing, a lot more grey hair than they had 5 years ago. That's not to say these women aren't attractive, of course they are, but often what men think a woman in her 40's and 50's will typically look like is a woman in her late 30's.

I note OP that you said one woman looked much older than her photos, 10 years older - women can age rapidly at this point in their lives. I have photos from 2 years ago and I definitely look a lot older now. But you wrote her off very quickly for looking older, basically

I would say make small talk when you're out and about, you can meet people anywhere. I met my husband in a public place just from smiling and eye-meeting and an is-this-your-seat kind of beginning. Conversation grew, at the end he gave me his business card and a "let me know how you enjoyed the film I just recommended" type remark, (no pressure, no creepiness) and left it up to me to follow up if I wanted. I did!