Would you trust DH after these Prague stag weekend inconsistencies?

[Confusedflower124]

Hi everyone. I’m looking for some perspective as I’m feeling very uneasy following DH’s return from a stag weekend in Prague. Until now, I’ve had no reason to doubt him, but I’ve found a few things that aren't adding up.

• The Search History: While he was away, I saw searches on our shared tablet for a specific sex massage parlour, including map directions, and things like "Roly Poly show." He claims the group was just "having a laugh" and looking things up together.

• The Boxers: While doing the washing, I found a pair of his boxers with a white stain on the inside. He denies any physical contact or even masturbating the whole trip, saying he has "no idea" what it is.

• The "Joint" Dance: He eventually admitted the group of 10 had a "joint private dance" with the stag in a small room.

• The Text Message: I saw a message from his close friend sent at 2am on the second night asking, "How was it?" I haven't confronted him about this yet.

He has been patient, hasn't got flippant, and has offered me his phone and passwords. However, my ex-husband had an affair and left when I was 8 months pregnant, so my "radar" is sensitive.

Am I being paranoid due to my past, or is this a classic case of "what happens in Prague stays in Prague"? Does the 2am text suggest something happened that the rest of the group wasn't involved in?

Sleazy AF - he's been up to no good and is lying through his teeth (they're no doubt all having a good old laugh amongst themselves about lying to their GFs and wives). I'm really sorry that you're married to a man who would even want to go to Prague on a stag, let alone behave as yours is/did ☹️

It sounds suspicious.
How did he explain the 2 am How was it text and why didnt he respond to the message?

So they definitely did strip club/ lap dance/ massage parlour type stuff while they were there based on search history and his ‘joint dance’ confession . the looking things up together is bollocks so you also know he’s lied.

White stuff in his pants, highly likely it’s sperm. Doesn’t mean he cheated tho.

Text message sounds suspicious it could be how was the ….sex/ lap dance/ evening / food so could be nothing.

You know he’s visited clubs is that a deal breaker? Because if it is the other stuff doesn’t matter.

You know he’s lied so you can’t trust him.

Did he have sex ? unless he confesses there’s no way to know.

Haven’t asked him about it yet. We are both off work tomorrow morning so going to ask, think I’ll ask for clarification on what happened and who was there before saying that I’ve seen the message

He obviously isn't looking up a specific sex location including directions for "a laugh." What kind of laugh?!? Look at the street layout lads hahaha? He must think you're fucking stupid. And he will never tell you the truth about that message. I'm sorry OP, it's shit and it's put you in an impossible situation. What explanation to the message at 2am would you even buy? How was the walk home? How was that last beer?

Strip clubs in themselves aren’t a dealbreaker - do I like it? No but I can let it pass. He told me they had this group private dance, apparently the stag was in the middle and the rest sat round in a circle. He told me the girls were naked and did go round all of them. Just don’t know what to believe

Would you be ok with a 1 on 1 private dance though? And any extras offered?

Sounds as if he’s giving you a believable story, hoping you’ll believe it because as you say you’re ok with strip clubs.

The text message could be… his close friend didn’t do the private group lap dance and left early, for whatever reason (could be sickness). What time did this dance end? Was 2am the time your DH came home to hotel room? Or was his friend expecting him still to be out/at another hotel. Did your DH text him first?

After you mention this text tomorrow you’d be damn sure I’d be right on it afterwards. Spanish Inquisition would have nothing on me! And no, I’m not especially jealous.

No I wouldn’t be ok with 1 on 1 private dance or any extras, he knows this.

No he didn’t text him first, was literally just that message from that evening. There was another message saying £100 for a private dance, f that - from my partner. Also not happy about that either because feels like there is consideration

Well @Confusedflower124your latest update proves that there was at least discussion about private dances.

You will never know what happened. At the very least, you could consider telling him that you have suspicions about his behaviour and you have lost trust in him. So he needs a full STI check before you are intimate again. Let’s see how he likes that.

And that’s why he’s only admitting to the group dance. If he admits anything more, he knows he’s in trouble.

I’d be leaving the relationship even if it was ‘just’ the private group dance. A naked woman all over your partner at a strip club and you think that’s normal, acceptable behaviour in a relationship?

For a lot of people it’s a case of ignorance is bliss.

I definitely wouldn't mention you've seen the 2am text to begin with when you talk to him OP. Ask him to talk you through the night and try to tie him in to where he was and who with in the run up to 2am, see if he drops himself in it, like claiming he was still with the friend who sent the text at 2am. Then drop out that you've seen the text and watch his reaction like a hawk, any sniff of a lie and you have your answer, why lie if he did nothing wrong?

I’ve actually just spoken to him about it and not mentioned the message. Asked him to talk me through each night. The night he got the message he said they all went to a boat party then the friend that messaged and one other went back as they were drunk, the rest of them went to normal club for an hour. I’ve also checked our messages and he sent me a picture of them all in Burger King after the club.

I appreciate I’m going to roasted for saying this !
I think in all probability they visited a lap dancing bar
I really don’t think it’s the end of the world
from experience it’s normally look but don’t touch !
general house rules apply
a private dance is more of the same but more up close
there is a huge difference and gulf between a lap dance and sex
my experience is men being men lots of beers and banter
frankly I find it a bit boring if I’m honest but look kind of go long with it as it’s their stag weekend
I think his pants are a red herring certainly after 48 hours
Personally I would forget about and move on
Flipping this around a girls hen weekend with a chippendale style act is that not the same

there is a huge difference and gulf between a lap dance and sex

I bet if OP told her husband, I'm just off to next door to give Bob a lap dance he would beg to differ.

I'd break up with a guy who went to a strip club with sleazy, 'laddy' mates, yeah.

Everyone has different standards.

I’ve recently seen pictures on social media of a family member on a stag do. It’s not a typical stag city. Yes, there’s lots of beer and wine on the tables in pictures, but also sea swimming, art exhibition, live music.

Yes, of course if they were visiting prostituted women it wouldn’t be posted online.

My point is, you know fine well if they are the type of men who would go on a Prague type stag and visit strip clubs and brothels, or if they are the type of men who would find that a pathetic way to spend their time.

I also don’t think ‘go to a strip club and look at naked women if you must, but don’t have a private dance’ is a very sensible or helpful boundary for you.

But my objection would be on the part of those women and they way my partner and his friends would be complicit in the degrading nature of their work.

Your objection is what counts as cheating, and you seem to think being part of a room full of men leering at naked women paid to dance for them is not cheating, but being alone in a room and being aroused by it is.

Well, you do you, boo. Of course you're entitled to set whatever standards you want in a relationship.

But there will be plenty of decent guys out there who would go to a strip club on a stag do, not because they want to, but because it's part of the weekend, and they feel they have to support the groom and be there for him.

In my experience, it's often the women who set these ridiculously high standards who then complain because they can't find a man.

"Flipping this around a girls hen weekend with a chippendale style act is that not the same"

Absolutely the same if the Chippendale offers private dances where he'd drape his ballsack across the brides lips at the bare minimum.

If they were decent by my standards, they wouldn't go to a strip club. And I've known many men over the years who wouldn't and haven't – not every man finds the idea of going to a strip club appealing. They can have a whole variety of reasons for not going.

Considering I've been happily married for nearly twenty years, I'm not complaining :)

But I do think it's desperately sad that you think expecting a man not to go to a strip club isn't just high standards, but 'ridiculously' high.

Well, as I say, horses for courses.

I've been to strip clubs with my partner, and had a good time. He doesn't go without me though; I'd find that a bit weird.

No point arguing about it - but I don't think it's fair to call any man who goes to a strip club just because they're on a stag do not decent. If that's the plan for the stag do, then I can understand why they would feel obliged to go.