Would you trust DH after these Prague stag weekend inconsistencies?

[Confusedflower124]

Hi everyone. I’m looking for some perspective as I’m feeling very uneasy following DH’s return from a stag weekend in Prague. Until now, I’ve had no reason to doubt him, but I’ve found a few things that aren't adding up.

• The Search History: While he was away, I saw searches on our shared tablet for a specific sex massage parlour, including map directions, and things like "Roly Poly show." He claims the group was just "having a laugh" and looking things up together.

• The Boxers: While doing the washing, I found a pair of his boxers with a white stain on the inside. He denies any physical contact or even masturbating the whole trip, saying he has "no idea" what it is.

• The "Joint" Dance: He eventually admitted the group of 10 had a "joint private dance" with the stag in a small room.

• The Text Message: I saw a message from his close friend sent at 2am on the second night asking, "How was it?" I haven't confronted him about this yet.

He has been patient, hasn't got flippant, and has offered me his phone and passwords. However, my ex-husband had an affair and left when I was 8 months pregnant, so my "radar" is sensitive.

Am I being paranoid due to my past, or is this a classic case of "what happens in Prague stays in Prague"? Does the 2am text suggest something happened that the rest of the group wasn't involved in?

Ah I saw she didn’t quiz him about the message. I would’ve.

How can you know that?

He denies any physical contact or even masturbating

Why is he denying masturbating? That part doesn’t ring true.

He not being honest, but because he done things a lot of men do on a stag night, doesn’t mean he’s had sex with anyone. I’m not saying it is right.

The trouble is men who wouldn’t otherwise do anything like that will all act the same on a stag do as not to be seen to be different to their friends. Men who would never normally betray trust will be drawn into it. Brings out the worst in them. Add tons of drink to the mix and morals and trust go out of the window. They may hate themselves for it. I really believe they have a pact that what goes on in Prague stays in Prague. Best thing is for them not to go on this sort of stag do. Many men grow out of this thank goodness! Leave it to the young single blokes. Stuff like this can cause mistrust at least and at worst wreck a marriage

Even if he didn’t he’s sullied himself and behaved badly

@Allseeingallknowingi agree. Not good

Ok

So here is my perspective - and I've had my stag do in Prague.

There is absolutely a "joint" dance. Please don't worry about this. All of the guys go into a sort of belly dancer style tent and belly dancer style girls dance around. There is zero contact and it is genuinely more like a performance than an erotic show. It's a very common form of event for stag dos. And ir's utterly unsexual.

White stains in underwear? Honestly, if he had done anything with a girl, why would the results be in his pants? (Answer - they wouldn't be.)

Search history. Men can find a certain eroticism with understanding what may be available. But an eroticism is not a reality. People can have fantasies - and no judgment should be levied on anyone's fantasies.

The 2am text message? I suspect he had a private dance. It's very common to be offered that when on a stag do. And it's not like the films. No one is having sex and she's certainly not kissing the guy.

i think you should speak with him, but I'm not seeing anything immediately that concerns me.

Not really reassuring. A lot will go on that never reaches home! Not all are going to resist temptation!

No I wouldn’t trust him, sorry, all too inconsistent. Too many things not adding up.

Why not? You'd be talking about incompatible values.

That's illustrated by the fact that anyone who required women to be 'ladylike' would be dumped before he'd finished complaining.

I don’t think anybody is saying that about peer pressure.

of course a straight man wouldn’t give a man a blow job due to peer pressure. Because he’s straight and doesn’t want to.

But that’s entirely the point. The vast majority of men would want to have sex with a beautiful, scantily clad woman who is dancing naked in front of them. They just would, and I don’t believe any poster who says “not my husband”.

That’s the starting position. They want to.

Then all the other things come into play. Their wife / girlfriend and the morals and how they feel about cheating. At what level they feel it cheating, can they get away with something that’s not full sex? How likely are they to get away with it? If she guaranteed to never find out, what’s the harm? Is everyone else doing it and cheering them on to get a private dance? A private dance where touching is allowed?

Men will all react differently to all these factors and of course not all will give in. But they all want to.

So of course no straight man is going to give a blow job because his friends egg him on. That’s not an appropriate analogy.

But imagine being on a diet. Weight Watchers. It’s weigh in night tomorrow.

But you turn up at a friends house and they all have strawberry tarts. They say there’s one there with your name on it. And it’s only them there and nobody else will ever find out. They won’t tell anyone. They won’t tell the weight watchers leader so there’s no way she’ll ever know. And if she doesn’t know she can’t be annoyed / hurt / disappointed. They’re all having th strawberry tarts, just have one, you know you want to. Maybe have a few drinks and get nice and tipsy first, then have the strawberry tart…..

I think that's a pretty family friendly sanitized version. I'm sure some people do have this more tame experience but I know from horrible grubby pals others get far more than a a "dance" in the clubs.
Years ago there was a Dispatches on C4 about the U.K lap dancing industry. Turns out out there was full on dry humping, dancers soliciting for full sex later at hotels, and full sex at a a spearmint rhino in the back room. Business was booming there! All caught on camera in the supposedly highly regulated UK.
If Mumsnet shows you what women think Reddit shows you what men think and there are many threads and tips about getting 'moneys worth' in lap dancing clubs. Prague included. Wear no underwear and thin trousers, no belt for the dry hump aka "private dance'.
I think that would explain suspicious underwear stains.
I don't honestly believe everybody looks, nobody touches and everyone goes home guilt free after a jolly wholesome good time! Why would there be so many brothels, who would be going to them? It's tourists, stags and lads weekends.
It's the bloke thing to say we just look at them, honest!

The fact he went to Prague for a stag do would be all I needed to know.

A private dance is cheating. It's an absolute crossing of a red line. And it's grim behaviour even from single men tbh.

quite !

Men can leak ejaculate fluid without actually ejaculating!

i think he may have had a private dance and fobbed you off with the group thing .. which would explain the boxer shorts and could also explain the text message .

Because I trust my partner. We have been together 21 years. I know him better than he knows himself.

Some are “complete scum” but there are far many more that are not.

When I went to the one in Prague, I was single and didn’t have any children. Having a daughter hasn’t changed my opinion either.

I went to support the stag, and hadn’t been to one before, I also didn’t get a dance. I don’t enjoy those places (or the dance I had bought for me at another stag and which made me feel awkward), and have avoided them on other stag do’s since.

Thats adorably naive

Or, as mine did, have a second phone!

I can only give my experience - and you are of course correct that there are much more grubby versions available.

I am only saying that a "family friendly (!)" stag do in Prague is also possible, as that was my experience there.

Yes, you end up getting dragged to ghastly strip clubs - but the main ones are big, almost cabaret style rooms, and it's pretty tame and lame.

I guess my only point at this stage is that it's possible he did have a sanitised version of a stag do, as that was also my experience.

The only issue is the private dance - (if it happened) - if that's not something that was agreed upon before, then that's a breach of trust issue and must be discussed.

Not all men go on these sorts of stag dos and act like animals - and hopefully the OP's partner was the same - but a conversation must take place.

Hi, I actually think he’s probably innocent. Stag parties can be a little loose so I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a private dance…. I personally would laugh about it with him and recognise that you have far more value than the dancer. Also, on the “how was it” comment - that could simply be one guy asking another how the rest of the club was. I feel like I used to text this sentence all the time in my party days. I think your prior experience (which is heartbreaking to read) will have you on edge sadly