Would you trust DH after these Prague stag weekend inconsistencies?

[Confusedflower124]

Hi everyone. I’m looking for some perspective as I’m feeling very uneasy following DH’s return from a stag weekend in Prague. Until now, I’ve had no reason to doubt him, but I’ve found a few things that aren't adding up.

• The Search History: While he was away, I saw searches on our shared tablet for a specific sex massage parlour, including map directions, and things like "Roly Poly show." He claims the group was just "having a laugh" and looking things up together.

• The Boxers: While doing the washing, I found a pair of his boxers with a white stain on the inside. He denies any physical contact or even masturbating the whole trip, saying he has "no idea" what it is.

• The "Joint" Dance: He eventually admitted the group of 10 had a "joint private dance" with the stag in a small room.

• The Text Message: I saw a message from his close friend sent at 2am on the second night asking, "How was it?" I haven't confronted him about this yet.

He has been patient, hasn't got flippant, and has offered me his phone and passwords. However, my ex-husband had an affair and left when I was 8 months pregnant, so my "radar" is sensitive.

Am I being paranoid due to my past, or is this a classic case of "what happens in Prague stays in Prague"? Does the 2am text suggest something happened that the rest of the group wasn't involved in?

He'll have deleted anything incriminating now unless hes completely stupid.

Reason why they offer passwords is they have either already had a clear out, or they then hit you with a version of "ah so you dont believe me then, ive told you everything, without trust we have nothing, if you check my phone we're over, why would i give you my password if i was hiding anything" blah blah.

Then, they go on a frantic deletion spree.

This is what I just don’t understand.

whatever went on that night, with presumably a stripper or a prostitute….how good could it have possibly been that a man would risk their marriage?

But they do. I know they do. I just don’t understand why.

They obviously think as a group they are untouchable and you will never find out the truth, OP.

He doesn’t care that you suspect. Thats why he puts so little effort into explaining. He has “no idea”
about the stain in his boxers.

He doesn’t care that you suspect because you don’t have any proof, so it’s just something you’ll have to live with.

That’s my best guess at what’s going on, anyway. Sorry OP, most men are horrible.

When you are at the point that you are checking the inside of your husband's pants for stains, the trust is gone, regardless of whether he has shagged someone else or not.

I wouldn't stay with a man who pays for dances with other women or went on this kind of weekend away in the first place.

My EXP was always open with his phone/laptop, I had all the passwords and because I felt uneasy I would occasionally check stuff. The reason he was open with his devices was because he had hidden or deleted things and knew I would never find them. He was projecting "look how honest I am" while living a completely secret life. Access to devices does not always equal honesty.

No. We just had it at as part of ‘tradition’ at that one and the half dozen others I’ve been on.

As far as I’m aware no one’s ever cheated on one I have been at… my friendship group wouldn’t tolerate anyone who did / would Tbf.

A lot of people have made fools of themselves though on them, so the pact has at least stopped some peoples foolishness being made common knowledge!

I'm going to assume you’re a man - what’s your honest opinion whether he’s done something or not?

Do grown men still do this kind of shit for their stag nights? Grim.

Yes, this is correct. EVERY stag do in Prague involves cheating. That's the rule.

Also, any man that agrees to go to a stag do in Prague is actively looking to cheat on their partner. Any man that really loved their partner would REFUSE to go, even if the stag was their best friend / brother etc..

Prague is a beautiful city, and the beer is cheap. My ex went there for his brother's stag do - he said there was a strip club involved, and a couple of the single lads sloped off somewhere else at the end of the evening - but that nothing else untoward happened.

OP it's definitely worth having a proper discussion with your fella - that 2am text is a bit concerning - but it may have an innocent explanation. Try talking to him!

Thanks for everyone’s messages. I’m so confused what to do. My gut feeling is that he’s lying and has done something, which seems to be the consensus here.

If he was honest I possible could’ve forgiven, it’s the lies (if they are) that I’m not sure I can forgive. I think I’ll try and have another chat tomorrow and see if anything else is said then make a decision what to do. Just dread starting again, another separation, kids impacted etc

Thank you.

I so desperately want to believe him but do I just take his word if he has a reason for the 2am text? If he has done something I can’t see that he’ll be honest. What a mess this is 😢

I think that he’s sharing his logins and messages with you (and I assume bank transactions) is a very good sign.

Silence about the group dance is likely because of the pact.

Some of our group out there did get private dances after the Stag had their group one and if your husband did, he’s likely embarrassed and ashamed of it. Alcohol and peer pressure can make us do silly things which are out of character.

Talk to him.

The 'how was it?' has to be something suspect. You'd never ask that about a bath, a sandwich or bar/restaurant. You'd give more context...

That and him denying all knowledge of the white stain. I mean he should've just said he masturbated in bed one night/morning. Which presumably would've been fine. So why try and act all clueless about it?

There's a very strong chance he's done something that he knows would be a deal-breaker for you.

Trust your gut. Talk to him. Look him in the eyes.

If his excuses / reasons sound dodgy, they probably are. You know him far better than a bunch of random strangers on the internet ( including me! )

Tbh, I thought a lot of the responses on this thread were cack. There was a strong current of ' If he's been to Prague on a stag do then he's definitely cheated on you ' which I thought was nonsense.

It may well be that there was a group trip to a strip club, hence the marks on his underwear. That wouldn't bother me too much. Not many guys would bail on that and risk looking prudish / anti-social.

The 2am text... does sound a bit more dodgy. Clearly he did something that at least one of the others wasn't party too, hence the ' how was it? ' text.. could have been a late night bar, could have been a kebab, could have been another strip club, could have been something worse..

I genuinely hope he hasn't done anything too stupid OP.

I'm puzzled by your stance on this - is it only the lying that is bothering you? If he did something (private lap dance etc) and was honest about it, that would be fine? Personally, men who engage in this kind of behavior are misogynist pigs who I suspect would do a million other things on a daily basis that I would find deeply problematic. So, I guess you have bigger questions to ask about what your standards are and whether your insecurity, given your last relationship, is making you paranoid about hanging on to a man who may not be worth hanging on to.

Op - sharing log ins isnt automatically a good sign at all, its meaningless. And cash is accepted in Prague so seeing bank transactions means absolutely nothing.

"The Pact" tho....sorry but 😂

Exactly this. This isn’t what you dream of when you imagine a loving relationship is it?
you’re not paranoid OP. Your gut is right. The only decision you need to make is if you’re alright with it or not. If not then you need to dump as you’ll never trust him again.
Ig you do stay together i would advise that you do NOT have sex with him until he proves he is sti free

Somethings happened, what remains to be found out, but his first confession won’t be the truth! It’ll be an attempt to placate you.

Sorry

When he got the 2am text he knew the friend was awake so may have called him to tell him how it was, whatever "it" was? But it was definitely something your DH did away from the group.

... or something that the friend didn't participate in, but the rest of the group did.

Look at it this way- he answered the other queries you asked him about and you're still not 100% whether to believe his answers or not and driving yourself mental with it. Frankly I think it would be foolish to confront him about the 2am text expecting anything other than adding something to that list.

Go through his phone when he is either asleep or in the shower. Have a good dig and see if you can put your own mind at rest.

On its own the initial issues could be explained, but the “how was it?” is pretty damning, I’m sorry OP.

Do you have access to his bank movements? I’d be checking email and notes too if you can. What a dick.

Yes they prob went and seen strippers he prob had a dance, personally I find examining his under wear unacceptable. I’d leave my husband if he did that.

What’s your gut feeling? Could you afford or would you do a lie detector test? The latter is extreme. Has he had anything dodgy happen in the past? Dodgy texts?

I know for a fact that there’s man code, so they’ll cover for him. Do you know the other wives/girlfriends?

The text message could be taken either way to be honest. It might be the person texting didn't accompany the rest of the group somewhere, and was asking 'how was it'. Or it could mean your husband went somewhere by himself, and his friend asked 'how was it'. The message in itself isn't proof he did anything wrong.

The stain, well I'd say it's likely he got excited by the group dance.

Prague is supposed to be a beautiful city but men on stag weekends, aren't there for the architecture! They are interested in the bars/clubs, booze and in some cases sex workers.

Ultimately you either trust your husband or you don't. If you don't, then anything can look suspicious, regardless if it is or not.

I’ve seen your gut instincts. How truthful is he?

I would check bank statements myself, cash withdrawals, anything else. The 2am text is very dodgy though. How can that be explained away?