Would you trust DH after these Prague stag weekend inconsistencies?

[Confusedflower124]

Hi everyone. I’m looking for some perspective as I’m feeling very uneasy following DH’s return from a stag weekend in Prague. Until now, I’ve had no reason to doubt him, but I’ve found a few things that aren't adding up.

• The Search History: While he was away, I saw searches on our shared tablet for a specific sex massage parlour, including map directions, and things like "Roly Poly show." He claims the group was just "having a laugh" and looking things up together.

• The Boxers: While doing the washing, I found a pair of his boxers with a white stain on the inside. He denies any physical contact or even masturbating the whole trip, saying he has "no idea" what it is.

• The "Joint" Dance: He eventually admitted the group of 10 had a "joint private dance" with the stag in a small room.

• The Text Message: I saw a message from his close friend sent at 2am on the second night asking, "How was it?" I haven't confronted him about this yet.

He has been patient, hasn't got flippant, and has offered me his phone and passwords. However, my ex-husband had an affair and left when I was 8 months pregnant, so my "radar" is sensitive.

Am I being paranoid due to my past, or is this a classic case of "what happens in Prague stays in Prague"? Does the 2am text suggest something happened that the rest of the group wasn't involved in?

In the context of the evening I agree it could be anything. But my mind immediately springs to something dodgy. Call me cynical.

I suspect those that go justify it as ‘this is what is expected we do’.
It is grim though.
They don’t have to do it. They could have a more civilised stag do.
I can understand why you are less than impressed OP.

@IggyPopsPlasticTrousers many women have a reasonably high bar for their partners and would see a strip club, especially with a private dance (be it individual or group) as cheating. Also many of us don't like women being exploited or objectified.

my humble husband said that when he visited Prague , there were women all the time asking him and his friend: do you want six? So

I've been to a lapdancing bar with my partner before; it was fun.

If he went by himself, I'd be curious as to why he did it. There would be a conversation.

If he went by himself, and lied to me about it, he'd be dumped.

If he went by himself more than once, then I'd be asking him how much it was costing, and whether that was a better use of money than spending it on things we could do together.

If he went as part of a stag do, I'd understand that group dynamics were at play and shrug it off.

Pact? He isn’t 7 years old. He needs to decide who is is more loyal to, his partner or his seedy mates.

I've just scrolled back to the messages on a stag do I went on last year in Dublin. The stag text me after 1am saying "how did you get on". Some of us went for a late night Indian, that's what he was asking about

You clearly don't trust him. So the relationship has to end.

What's the point in all of this if you don't believe what he says anyway?

This
I wouldn’t be with a man who does these types of trips or has laddy friends.

You know you are not being paranoid.

So you would break up with a guy if he had ' laddy friends ' ?

And if he broke up with you because your female friends were too loud / liked a drink / weren't ladylike enough, you'd be ok with that, yes?

Liking a drink and being too loud aren’t behaviours that hold another sex in a diminished position …whilst laddy behaviour is part of huge inequality between the sexes.

This is basic lowest bar stuff

Just in case it is useful, I’ll share my experience. I worked in a central Irish bar in Prague for a couple of years. Groups of men would come in and loved to tell me (the bar maid) all about themselves and how they are ‘not like that’. They’d often reappear the next day after a night out for hangover cures & full English breakfasts. I heard it all. Men would tell me at the beginning of their stay that they hated the sex industry and loved their wives/girlfriends/children. Then they’d have a couple of beers and some shots and disappear for the night life. Next morning they’d want to confess to me and tell me who got up to what. The groups weren’t always stag do’s, they’d be golfing clubs, hobby and sports groups etc. There would always be one or more in the group who took it too far. The men would lament ‘Oh Jim is such a bad lad, he’s got a pregnant girlfriend at home’ ’I’d never do anything like that, here’s a photo of my wife, she’s lovely’ then rinse and repeat for the next night and the next. By the end of the stay they’d desensitised to it all and it became acceptable behaviour for them. Of course, I can’t speak for everyone and I only spoke to the type of men who drank in my bar, but it really put me off men to be honest with you all.

I judge my partner by his words and actions - and above all, by whether he is truthful to me.

I don't judge him for the actions of his friends.

What’s your opinion on The Dreamboys? Should women who go to see them be treated with the same disdain?

Im amazed at the responses... I dont automatically think he's done anything horrendous. The evidence is quite limited. I don't think the "what do you think he was there for" is fair if she has no reason to think he'd betray her. If my husband went, I imagine he'd join the group in the strip club but I absolutely would not expect he would have a sexual encounter so I dont think its unreasonable to believe him if he's never given her reason to question him before

Depends what you mean by sexual encounter. If you think just looking I think you are being naive. Especially if they have a private booth. Boobs in faces as a minimum.

@CaffeinatedSeagull I would give up if I were you 😂MN doesn't like men that go on stag do's and don't like strip clubs. You won't win.

There was a post on here not long ago with a woman who had been invited on a hen do and part of that hen do included going to see a male stripper. She didn't know if she should go because she had made it very clear to her DP that if he ever went to something like that it would be completely unacceptable. The amount of posters telling her to just go and not tell him was laughable 😂Apparently women going and letching over men getting their kit off is completely different to men doing it.

Exactly... amazed at some of the responses here too.

I do think that he might have done something dodgy though... if I was the OP, I'd want to give him a good grilling and see the whites of his eyes while he gave me his excuses/reasons...

... but some people on here seem to be suggesting that people only go to Prague to cheat on their partner, and/or that any bloke that goes to a strip club with his mates for a stag do is a misogynistic asshole and should be dumped as soon as he gets back.

In short, no I wouldn't. All of it's pretty distasteful in the first place tbh but it's obvious that at some point your DP- who you know has been looking at paid-for sex parlours, has split up from his mates and done something on his own in the early hours, his mates are then asking him how it was.

If he were planning to admit to having done anything then he already would.

I would accept in this situation that you won't get the truth or be able to source absolute proof so you need to work with what you have and where you find yourself - washing the stained pants of a bloke who is happy to pay women for 'dances' in seedy parlours off the back of trying to find places they can get a happy ending if they want it. Nobody needs to google specific locations for a laugh do they - we all know these places exist, you only need to know where they are if you're actually thinking of going.

I wouldn't marry someone who did stuff like this, who I didn't trust and thought might be lying to me, no, for my own sake.

I think its grim but not as grim as going somewhere you can get a shot and a sex act with the same name at the same time and get a bonus side of the clap

Make him watch Sky Rojo on Netflix with you and see if he squirms

He hasn't covered himself in glory and I understand why you're suspicious but if someone EVER questioned marks on my underwear I'd go off on them big time and would seriously reconsider the relationship - I genuinely think it's tantamount to abuse.

@Confusedflower124 If something feels off for you then speak to him. Ask him to show you his bank statements and banking transactions. Look carefully at the amounts around thetime of evening to 2am of said day.

That can be deleted too.