Would you trust DH after these Prague stag weekend inconsistencies?

[Confusedflower124]

Hi everyone. I’m looking for some perspective as I’m feeling very uneasy following DH’s return from a stag weekend in Prague. Until now, I’ve had no reason to doubt him, but I’ve found a few things that aren't adding up.

• The Search History: While he was away, I saw searches on our shared tablet for a specific sex massage parlour, including map directions, and things like "Roly Poly show." He claims the group was just "having a laugh" and looking things up together.

• The Boxers: While doing the washing, I found a pair of his boxers with a white stain on the inside. He denies any physical contact or even masturbating the whole trip, saying he has "no idea" what it is.

• The "Joint" Dance: He eventually admitted the group of 10 had a "joint private dance" with the stag in a small room.

• The Text Message: I saw a message from his close friend sent at 2am on the second night asking, "How was it?" I haven't confronted him about this yet.

He has been patient, hasn't got flippant, and has offered me his phone and passwords. However, my ex-husband had an affair and left when I was 8 months pregnant, so my "radar" is sensitive.

Am I being paranoid due to my past, or is this a classic case of "what happens in Prague stays in Prague"? Does the 2am text suggest something happened that the rest of the group wasn't involved in?

Yes.

Interesting the men on this thread trying to give excuses on behalf of the OP’s husband despite not knowing him or having been there. Men will ALWAYS cover for other men, unless there’s something in it for them.

Trust your gut OP. I hope he tells you the truth.

@Confusedflower124 You might not know or find out exactly what he did. That gut feeling you have matters.

Air crew all know the stags have a 'mass delete' on the plane back @Confusedflower124 Standard operating procedure.

This. The "How was it?" by it's nature was something he did that the others were not party to.

Could you tell him over and over that you KNOW he put his marriage at risk on that trip and keep insisting (without letting on the detail because you are waiting for him to be honest.) He might think someone has blabbed and fess up in the hope he can save something from the wreckage.

Quite honestly, to my mind, that is the only way you are going to find out the truth.

If you have had sex with him since, it might be worth getting an STD check as, in the event you have caught something, you would have incontrovertible proof that way.

I would suspect he is lying too though @Confusedflower124

So a private dance isn't cheating? Never?

He's given you his phone and passwords because he's learned how to cover his tracks from his previous affair. He's done that man thing of denying everything, and then admitting a little bit when you've kept pushing because he knows you know something.

You don't trust him so it's not really about what he has or hasn't done, he's broken your trust before and it hasn't recovered so you need to think about what you actually want, not what you're prepared to let him get away with.

Also the peer pressure excuse does not fucking wash for grown men.

Another stag, another lying sleazy man.

Of course he's lying to you. He's not going to tell you the truth.

The text "How was it" was his buddy asking him about something he did with someone away from his buddies.

Agree with PP above, if you've had sex with him, get full STI testing.

It’s a different man, I’m divorced from that one

Some but not all men will take sex where they know they won’t get found out. Ask me how I know or not. It’s true.

Over lockdown when I was single I met a couple of guys with my friend in the pub. One asked me for my number, texted flirty texts and then suggested we go for lunch that weekend. Once there at the lunch, he carried on flirting and chatting to me, but half way through confessed he had a live in girlfriend (lucky for him he said so!) but was trying to get me to come to a lively bar with him and his mates after our lunch. His hand was on my knee stroking it, up to the point where he confessed. I was so angry that I called him a liar, said I wasn’t interested and I chucked my cocktail at him and stormed out, him following me apologising behind. And that’s not even with sex!

My sister was washing her husbands clothes after he came home from a stag do, semen all over this boxers and up as far as the waist band, and then some on the bottom part of the T-shirt he had been wearing. Turns out he shagged someone down an alley after being out. It was clear as day looking at his clothes . Pigs

Why were you examining his pants that closely? I would never think to do that, just chuck them in the machine with minimal touching

Apologies, I somehow didn't pick that up.

A guy I was friends with when I was younger, really the sweetest most adoring guy towards his girlfriend (now wife) was still doing stuff like getting lap dances on stag do's and eating stuff out of a "strippers" vulva on his stag do. Stag do's are so shady.

The search history, the stain and the text all point towards your partner having had sex with somebody for money unfortunately.
Stags and their mates don’t go to Prague for the architecture.

What a bastard doing this while knowing what you've been through before. That's really extra.

Ugh that’s grim.

The Pact innit, it extends to all the brotherhood 🙄 like how they all go on with the same script about how they have to sit on their hands, the women arent naked, theres no chance of extras, its just somewhere to go for a beer. And the old fave - someone else always buys a private dance for them.

Its actually quite cute really how they think women actually believe this shit.

My boyfriend years ago told me he’d watch strippers in a pub sometimes usually when football was on. Basically you put money in a beer glass for them. In east end. God knows what sort of pubs they were. He only told me he went a few times and being young and foolish I let it pass. Of course he never cheated (denied it) until I found out he did, whilst on a weekend trip to Liverpool with his best mate to club Cream. Best mate kept quiet of course, but my boyfriend admitted he’d had a girl back to his hotel room. Told me after we broke up. I said I’d have dumped him before if I knew and he said yes I know you would’ve done. Bastard. And I got an std from that too! So angry.

Similar to story my ex told me. Just a harmless east end pub where they had strippers. As if it was so normal. God I was so naive!

He's had a private dance and come in his pants

There is peer pressure on these does. Blokes don’t want to be the party pooper, the odd one out, and what happens in Prague is meant to stay in Prague .There are often threads in MN where the OP is berated because they are worried about their partners going to stag does - they’re right to be worried. I wouldn’t want my partner going on one and acting like a single man.

So gross. Your poor sister.
I’m shocked, of course, by the seedy, unforgivable betrayal, but also that these men are not at least attempting to cover themselves by doing their own laundry upon their return. Or perhaps use their favourite motto, ‘What happens in Prague, stays in Prague,’ and just bin the spunky clothes before leaving to come home. No, rather than leave their mess in Prague, they bring THAT home and dump it. The wife’ll sort it.
PIGS is right. Fucking disgusting, stupid pigs.

It's obvious that he's taken part in sex worker activities. What those activities actually are he is never going to tell you.

What you should focus on OP is what boundary was laid before he went. Did you say you were ok with him having sex, having a lap dance, watching a dance, none of the above - what?

The fact that he's lying would indicate that he knew you would not be ok with it. So he has knowingly crossed a boundary. And because he is aware of your past relationship history this is so much worse.

For me, there would be no coming back from it.