Page 9 | End of a relationship 2 weeks before marrying

supercali77 · 2026-04-13T07:27:39+00:00

Im so so lost this morning. We were together 6 years. Not living together (we tried. Kids didn't like it) but decided to marry for ourselves. Hes always had issues with any major life change. More argumentative, quick to escalate into a terrible temper. Has threatened the relationship before. A couple of weeks back I'd got irritable over text about a communication issue. Something and nothing. It escalated out of the blue and he went mental in a voiceclip, which I've seen before, I really don't like it, so I left the chat. While I was gone and calming down he issued an ultimatum. Come back and talk or that's it. Its over. By the time I went back 15 minutes later to reply. He'd blocked me. I mean, everywhere. I was devastated. Totally shocked. Accepted it was over. Told one of my witnesses, started deciding how to cancel things. He emailed me late the next day and said he loved me and still wanted to marry me. I asked for time. After a week, i agreed we could try to get back on track. Maybe just pre wedding nerves? Fucking stupid of me. So stupid. I should have seen it coming... Yesterday. In a conversation about where things go wrong during a conflict between us, he said i needed to 'own my feelings'. And I said..then surely the same goes for you. You cant expect me to own my feelings but your reactions are 'caused' by me angering you. That triggered an explosion. He called me a f*king twisted bitch. I felt like id been punched in the stomach and i hung up. He sent several texts saying he thought this was done. Obvioisly I dont care about his feelings. I said yes i think so. And hes blocked me everywhere. Blocked my bloody daughter 🤦♀️ for God's sake. I would never block his daughter, who does that? Its a mess and obviously over. I feel sick, I feel stupid for going back to it and trying to paper over it. Mainly, I'm spinning. We speak every day. See each other round the kids. Getting married in 2 weeks. And that's it. He's just....gone

ClairDeLaLune · 13/04/2026 16:48

quick to escalate into a terrible temper

OP, for future reference, never ever get into a relationship with someone like this again. As soon as anyone shows signs of a temper, run for the hills. It will never go well. Please value yourself more than being in a relationship with someone like this. He’s awful, you’re well rid of him.

Kayakerpaddleboarder · 13/04/2026 18:37

You have had a really lucky escape. His temper is outrageous over the most innocuous reasons. I dread to think what his reaction would entail should a real problem arise. I am surprised you stayed with him for so long. The conversations you had with him in no way warranted an explosive reaction. He has done you a massive favour. Take this as an opportunity to cut him out of your life. People like that become far, far worse after they marry. Your child does not deserve to have such an abusive, unpredictable and volatile person in their life. And,neither do you.

TeaCupTinsel · 13/04/2026 19:37

I'm so sorry he treated you so awfully. Whenever I am struggling with how people are treating me and how valid my feelings are, I always ask myself how I'd feel if my daughter was being treated like that and I'd witnessed it. I consider what I'd advise her.

In this case, if this was my daughter, I'd do ANYTHING in my power to ensure that she stayed away from this horrible man and never saw him again.

You deserve to be treated with respect and love.

DearDenimEagle · 14/04/2026 07:51

supercali77 · 13/04/2026 10:10

He also has a good relationship with his dds mum....i have met her and she's lovely but don't know her well. He has many good qualities...i think this is why it has been so disorienting. Why its crept up on me. How does someone just.. Behave in ways you couldn't imagine they ever would?

They have a damage to the part of their brain that deals with empathy. It’s undeveloped, usually as a result of a defense mechanism from childhood. It can’t be cured. Can’t be therapied out.
They have good qualities, but their insecurities mean they have to crush people to feel in control and superior. They work a push, pull sort of attitude. Pull you in with words and deeds…all carefully constructed. They seem interested and caring, learning about you. Mirroring you. Then they use what they learned to control you, to push you away so they can pull you back in.
They keep you on the back foot, the disorienting is intended. It’s scary how many there are like this. Women too, but mostly men.

FunCrab · 14/04/2026 09:10

This man has done the best thing possible for you.
Marriage is legally binding and once in it difficult to get out of. He has spared you that.
Today is a new day, new chapter, new you.
Getting out now is much easier for you and DD.
Join a local freedom programme as mentioned by others.
Consider mindfulness.
Consider going to the gym or doing whatever is positive.
put the past behind and let the future shine.
Good luck to your future and your DD.

ElatedPinkSeal · 14/04/2026 14:13

Love ought to be enough. All couples have ups and downs

What you’ve got to remember is many of the women on here really hate men, and cheer at the prospect of any breakup.

But they don’t have to live with the consequences. They are just online and ideological. In a week they’ll have moved on, but you’ll still be living with the reality of a 6 year relationship ending right before marriage. Which presumably must have had lots of good points about it as well. Forgiveness isn’t the most common reaction on here, as people online tend to advocate for the most nuclear option. But it’s not them who have lost their relationship, and it’s not exactly a given there might be another one

kohlrabislaw · 14/04/2026 17:52

ElatedPinkSeal · 14/04/2026 14:13

Love ought to be enough. All couples have ups and downs

What you’ve got to remember is many of the women on here really hate men, and cheer at the prospect of any breakup.

But they don’t have to live with the consequences. They are just online and ideological. In a week they’ll have moved on, but you’ll still be living with the reality of a 6 year relationship ending right before marriage. Which presumably must have had lots of good points about it as well. Forgiveness isn’t the most common reaction on here, as people online tend to advocate for the most nuclear option. But it’s not them who have lost their relationship, and it’s not exactly a given there might be another one

Of course couples have ups and downs…. but if either of us called the other a “f twisted b” I don’t think you can come back from there.

ArthriticOldLabrador · 14/04/2026 21:04

ElatedPinkSeal · 14/04/2026 14:13

Love ought to be enough. All couples have ups and downs

What you’ve got to remember is many of the women on here really hate men, and cheer at the prospect of any breakup.

But they don’t have to live with the consequences. They are just online and ideological. In a week they’ll have moved on, but you’ll still be living with the reality of a 6 year relationship ending right before marriage. Which presumably must have had lots of good points about it as well. Forgiveness isn’t the most common reaction on here, as people online tend to advocate for the most nuclear option. But it’s not them who have lost their relationship, and it’s not exactly a given there might be another one

Bollocks to that (and I’ve been married 25+ years- never in that time has my husband spoken to me in the way OPs partner speaks to her)

Original poster

supercali77 · 15/04/2026 10:13

ElatedPinkSeal · 14/04/2026 14:13

Love ought to be enough. All couples have ups and downs

What you’ve got to remember is many of the women on here really hate men, and cheer at the prospect of any breakup.

But they don’t have to live with the consequences. They are just online and ideological. In a week they’ll have moved on, but you’ll still be living with the reality of a 6 year relationship ending right before marriage. Which presumably must have had lots of good points about it as well. Forgiveness isn’t the most common reaction on here, as people online tend to advocate for the most nuclear option. But it’s not them who have lost their relationship, and it’s not exactly a given there might be another one

You're right, forgiveness and compassion is part of love. And I've shown a lot of it. As has he in his own way in various circumstance. And yes there's no guarantee of another relationship.

But, I've been thinking about it for a few days now, and the problem boiled down to responsibility for your own actions. I have to own and be responsible for mine. But the prevailing narrative through so many of our arguments is that I'm also responsible for his, whether bevause i nitpicked, or i did this or that. That's not sustainable... the wedding coming up, the previous ultimatum and block and him complaining about how i contributed to him doing that...tossed me over the edge. Being called a twisted b*tch on top of it was the final nail. So, yeah love and compassion...i still love him. I still hope he's OK. Thay doesn't mean he and I have a healthy relationship.

OP posts:

Original poster

supercali77 · 15/04/2026 10:19

As an update, he unblocked me. I can tell bevause his profile photo reappeared. I never bothered blocking him. If he wants to organise exchanging things that's fine. Why he unblocked me but hasn't done that? Who knows. Ill admit ive been tempted to get in touch to make this a nicer ending..but then decided thats an issue with me. I want it all to be ok somehow. So i havent and i wont.

I've been holding it together, it's spring holidays still here so I've been keeping busy Taking my dd and freinds to the cinema/drives out etc. It's my hen dinner tonight and fuckit, i havent cancelled it. It was never going to be a big mad one, just me and my 2 closest friends and my daughter. We're all going anyway and I'm determined to have a nice evening 🖤

OP posts:

viques · 15/04/2026 10:36

supercali77 · 15/04/2026 10:19

As an update, he unblocked me. I can tell bevause his profile photo reappeared. I never bothered blocking him. If he wants to organise exchanging things that's fine. Why he unblocked me but hasn't done that? Who knows. Ill admit ive been tempted to get in touch to make this a nicer ending..but then decided thats an issue with me. I want it all to be ok somehow. So i havent and i wont.

I've been holding it together, it's spring holidays still here so I've been keeping busy Taking my dd and freinds to the cinema/drives out etc. It's my hen dinner tonight and fuckit, i havent cancelled it. It was never going to be a big mad one, just me and my 2 closest friends and my daughter. We're all going anyway and I'm determined to have a nice evening 🖤

Enjoy your non hen night. You will probably find that your friends are cheering from the sidelines at the news that the wedding to a man with anger issues and a hair trigger response is cancelled.

goody2shooz · 15/04/2026 10:51

ElatedPinkSeal · 14/04/2026 14:13

Love ought to be enough. All couples have ups and downs

What you’ve got to remember is many of the women on here really hate men, and cheer at the prospect of any breakup.

But they don’t have to live with the consequences. They are just online and ideological. In a week they’ll have moved on, but you’ll still be living with the reality of a 6 year relationship ending right before marriage. Which presumably must have had lots of good points about it as well. Forgiveness isn’t the most common reaction on here, as people online tend to advocate for the most nuclear option. But it’s not them who have lost their relationship, and it’s not exactly a given there might be another one

@supercali77 ‘love ought to be enough’
sorry @ElatedPinkSeal but what a load of Mills&Boon nonsense. Love does not include calling your fiancée an ‘f’ing twisted bitch’ and that sort of speech/reaction should not be forgiven. Yes of course relationships have ups and downs, but there is a limit - or there should be! A hair trigger temper is not great start - and marriage at any cost is not worth it. I’m glad the op has enough self respect to realise this. It has nothing to do with ‘man hating’ and everything to do with wanting the best for another woman.

scoobysnaxx · 15/04/2026 11:17

Good for you OP. You’ve had a very lucky escape. Celebrate freedom and looking towards the future. 🌺

SpryCat · 15/04/2026 11:37

He exploded and let the mask slip two weeks before the wedding because 1. He’s testing you to make sure you will allow him to victimise you with his temper. 2. He is counting on you to believe him when he tells you his temper was just wedding nerves and 3. he believes with the wedding so close you won’t walk away.
He has unblocked you because you haven’t begged him for forgiveness, he enjoys mind games and you his victim are not playing along to the script where you beg him to come back/forgive you for making him angry or let him get away with it and believe his bullshit explanation. He needs to get you in the cycle of abuse to make him feel superior that he has the power over you. It’s a cat and mouse game that he loves to play and he will always be like that whether it’s you or any future partner and children.

Warmlight1 · 15/04/2026 13:05

ElatedPinkSeal · 14/04/2026 14:13

Love ought to be enough. All couples have ups and downs

What you’ve got to remember is many of the women on here really hate men, and cheer at the prospect of any breakup.

But they don’t have to live with the consequences. They are just online and ideological. In a week they’ll have moved on, but you’ll still be living with the reality of a 6 year relationship ending right before marriage. Which presumably must have had lots of good points about it as well. Forgiveness isn’t the most common reaction on here, as people online tend to advocate for the most nuclear option. But it’s not them who have lost their relationship, and it’s not exactly a given there might be another one

'It's not exactly a given that there might be another one' do you know single women are amongst the most mentally healthy in the population?
I wonder if you realise that might sound like a blessing.
Very short sighted way to.look at a situation such as this. 2/3 end in divorce- that's statistically more likely and much more messy.

Muffinmam · 15/04/2026 13:43

He is absolutely vile. Why the hell did you want to tether yourself to this man and expose your children to his behaviour??

My partner has anger issues. I insisted he get medicated. Psychiatrist did absolutely nothing. Medication works - there is something broken in his brain.

After six years why are you putting up with this? The man is absolutely abusive. There is zero reason to marry this man. You don’t have children together, you don’t need him financially. There is zero reason to keep him around. Date someone else. Sleep with someone else and move on.

Muffinmam · 15/04/2026 13:46

supercali77 · 15/04/2026 10:19

As an update, he unblocked me. I can tell bevause his profile photo reappeared. I never bothered blocking him. If he wants to organise exchanging things that's fine. Why he unblocked me but hasn't done that? Who knows. Ill admit ive been tempted to get in touch to make this a nicer ending..but then decided thats an issue with me. I want it all to be ok somehow. So i havent and i wont.

I've been holding it together, it's spring holidays still here so I've been keeping busy Taking my dd and freinds to the cinema/drives out etc. It's my hen dinner tonight and fuckit, i havent cancelled it. It was never going to be a big mad one, just me and my 2 closest friends and my daughter. We're all going anyway and I'm determined to have a nice evening 🖤

That’s excellent!!

I bet he tries to weasel his way back in - but he will make you take accountability for his tantrum and he will be even shittier the next time around.

He wants you to contact him. Don’t give him the satisfaction.

Original poster

supercali77 · 15/04/2026 14:21

@Muffinmam maybeyou didnt read my updates?. Without excusing what happened in my case. He was not always angry, or at least he managed his anger without name calling and outbursts. And he has many good qualities. I was not perfect and nor was he but it was manageable until it wasnt. And isnt that the story of most toxic situations or situations that get abusive?. My child was never exposed to any of it.

It feels like you're blaming me for sticking it out until it was unsustainable?, when you yourself have stuck it out? Except I left it and you chose medication.. I don't know, the tone of your post came across harshly

OP posts:

Original poster

supercali77 · 15/04/2026 14:30

Oh sorry @Muffinmam I didn't see your reply after your first one, I guess you only read my OP, i was a little sensitive there, apologies 🤦‍♀️😂

OP posts:

DearDenimEagle · 15/04/2026 17:00

supercali77 · 15/04/2026 10:19

As an update, he unblocked me. I can tell bevause his profile photo reappeared. I never bothered blocking him. If he wants to organise exchanging things that's fine. Why he unblocked me but hasn't done that? Who knows. Ill admit ive been tempted to get in touch to make this a nicer ending..but then decided thats an issue with me. I want it all to be ok somehow. So i havent and i wont.

I've been holding it together, it's spring holidays still here so I've been keeping busy Taking my dd and freinds to the cinema/drives out etc. It's my hen dinner tonight and fuckit, i havent cancelled it. It was never going to be a big mad one, just me and my 2 closest friends and my daughter. We're all going anyway and I'm determined to have a nice evening 🖤

Of course he unblocked you. You are supposed to beg forgiveness . If you dont, he will contact you to try to get you back..so he can abuse you again. Probably worse because you dared to reject him, instead of trying harder to please him.

Its a game to him. Keep you emotionally invested, but he acts the part to get you hooked, then the ups and down rollercoaster that feeds him again.

Good for you resisting the temptation to write to or contact him. It feeds him.
I’ve been involved with a lot of women in similar circumstances to yours as part of my therapy. These guys come from a mould. There are differences, obviously, but the core behaviours are the same, because it’s that part of the brain affected.

Have a great evening