Where are all the nice 50-something, single males?

[MysticalChipmunk]

Are they hiding? I can’t find one. OLD is dire and not for me. What can I do?

You're ruling those women out because they can't spell?

Your standards are too high 😅

You had me at plague of little insects.

A boy's gotta draw the line somewhere. I make it a principle never to send sexually compromising photos or cash to a scammer who can't use your, you're, and yore correctly.

Ooh this thread has taken an interesting turn.
i remember many years ago the relationship thread would often hot up with little flirtations. Fascinating, please don’t take it offline for a while, I enjoy a vicarious budding errr romance

@Holidaymodeon me too, I wonder if some of those couples are still together!

Ahh forget settling down! Do exactly what the middle aged blokes do, go for someone younger! Honestly they love a well-kept older woman!

Sorry...drifted off into memories of burning my feet on the pavement in '76 🥵

Prodding the little tar bubbles on the road to pop them.
We knew how to enjoy ourselves in the 70s.

Prodding the little tar bubbles on the road to pop them. not just popping them, we used to roll them up, to create bigger tar balls.

I'm 60, I have 3 or 4 mates who seem to believe that they have discovered the elixir of life, (some 15-20 years ago). 2 have reasonable jobs, 2 have very good jobs. We all run and go to the gym. They are all in good shape (physically, mentally and financially). They seem to have put a pin in mid to late forties women and stayed there for the last 15 years or so. It's like a weird version of The picture of Dorian Gray. They go out with women generally for a couple of years (usually until the woman works out that she can't change them, but that's a whole different thread). Then they exchange them for a new version.
They often say how much dating has changed. When they were young the woman, controlled the tempo, of the relationship, especially sexually. Now they say its totally reversed and they are like kids in a sweetshop.
My DW and I often comment that at some point, 40 something women will stop dating them, but so far that has not happened.

I feel like I have been out with several of your friends 🙈

Aww I hope so!

I also found I could do this as a well maintained 55 year old woman with men in their thirties and forties. As long as I didn't want to have a long term relationship with them I could have as much meaningless fun with really good looking younger men as I could handle.

That was certainly a welcome revelation after being in a sexless marriage for 30 years with a miserable git who'd let himself go.

However there's a limit I think to how long this stays fun and luckily for me I met a really nice guy my age with whom I'm happily monogamous now. But I did have a good time and it was a huge ego boost at the time. I definitely described it to my friends as being like a child in a sweetie shop

So is that maybe an answer to the original question? To find a prince, you just have to kiss shag a lot of frogs?

Well I wouldn't describe it as shagging frogs to be honest there was a lot of flirting and chatting, a lot of fun dates and a lot of kissing (a little bit of shagging)

I know some of them would have been happy to have a relationship but for me I need somebody who matches me to do that and that's somebody my own age really.

I definitely recommend going into dating with a completely open mind and a positive mindset. A strong sense of your own worth and perhaps don't take anything too seriously until it proves itself to be worth taking seriously.

See this regularly

In answer to your question, probably sitting in a lonely marriage, or got wise!

"Define Nice"

'Nice' isn't a trait that promotes desire, excitement, nor is it a trait that promotes loyalty, my guess is that most genuine 'nice' men are avid providers, emotional rocks and give or at least try to give 100% in relationships to make their partners happy, but they won't be perfect and won't always get it right. The problem is that the excitement wanes, the nice guys are reliable, dependable and grounded, true family men, but they aren't dangerous, unpredictable and exciting...it's almost impossible to be both, once they realise this and figure out that the reason they are still married has nothing to do with being desired or being wanted emotionally, the realisation hits hard, they are merely lifestyle enablers or moss covered rocks, at this point they probably eventually stop being nice guys, or decide that relationships are all the same so why bother, which is why you can't find any, sad right!

I may be speaking out of turn but most of my female friends will tell me this, (and i find it hard to disbelieve based on real life experiences) we don't look for nice guys, nice guys aren't exciting, we look for projects, men who are exciting, dangerous, unpredictable, independent, full of swag and over time we try to mould them into what we want them to be, they then either refuse to change and it goes nowhere or we stick with them and find it hard to manage the relationship due to us both pushing in opposite directions, or we finally start to mould them into what we think we want them to be, at this point they aren't that same person that attracted us in the first place they are now a nice guy that was once exciting, unpredictable, dangerous and full of swag...and we start to get bored...so we seek excitement elsewhere again...

I can tell my wife she's sexy, beautiful and the best mum in the world to my kids everyday and it will mean very little, a good looking stranger however can say the same thing once and it would be life changing.

I guess the one thing i've learn't over the last 50 years is that being nice gets you nowhere, although i can't imagine not being that way, and you're just playing for time before someone better comes along, with those easy picking compliments and blows your world up. Life hey!

This is not an assassination attempt of either sex, this is unfortunately how desire and attraction is programmed into humans, hormones and their imbalances control our desires, you aren't wrong to desire what turns you on even if you know they are players, you don't control that, nature does. But don't be surprised when nice men become impossible to find, especially when they have 50 years of experience under their belt.

I find your interpretation of "Nice guys" pretty much perfect really. Although its important to understand that a proper nice guy does nice things because he can and not for what he gets.

I prefer the term "kind men" but we will get lumped into the same category anyway. In answer to the question though, the kind men of men ypur after is bitter and cynical and has probably decided hes better off alone.

@Thatsthebottomline i think most people do things for a reason, i would agree that a man that only does nice things to get physical rewards it's most likely not actually a nice man and is probably your player in disguise, there is however another side to it i think, so i do it for what i get, but what i get is the satisfaction of knowing i did something that made someone else's life easier, better or more fulfilled.

Now I agree I do things for a reason, but its not about what I can get personally.

For example, every month I go to the seaside with this lovely old man who's partner died suddenly. They use to go every month so now I fill in. Its a nice day out for me and for him. We've become good friends.

I just try and live my life the right way; of service most of the time but without expectations or need for reward. Nice men have expectations, I dont.

The task is reward enough, I enjoy looking after people and being of service. People take advantage of me all the time though.

From what i'm hearing you sound like a genuine, very caring person, unfortunately as the case is with 'Nice men', people are smart enough to see that, and like you say, they WILL take advantage of your good nature. It's sad really that society feels the need to be like that.

I think the difference between the genetic makeup of the Male & Female species goes a long way to explain why men have expectations, now this is not true of all men, some get great pleasure in getting one up on the Female species and their expectations are physical reward, but again i refer to Nice/Kind men, they seek validation, they want to know that what they are doing is making a difference, it's pleasing you, it's making you happy, it's not always visible.