Where are all the nice 50-something, single males?

[MysticalChipmunk]

Are they hiding? I can’t find one. OLD is dire and not for me. What can I do?

I'm late 40s and I have given up, for now. I'm contented with being single. (im divorced, I have children, grown up adults and teens, all still living home) I also have the Lovliest dog.

After my divorce around 5 yrs ago, I have looked around', joined dating sites, and dated but my, what an actual nightmare. (The men available)
Im still traumatized by my experiences which is why im so contented now. If you really want someone keep trying the online dating sites, Facebook dating was a good one as most ppl were in my city. Be prepared though. And good luck.

Ive already tried OLD, on and off, and felt traumatised by the whole experience. It’s not for me, hence why I posted my original question.

I agree with previous posters, the majority of the good ones were taken a long time ago and their wives and girlfriends are hanging on to them. Any that do become available get snapped up very quickly.

Looking at single men I know in that age range most are not attractive and come with a litany of dealbreakers; addictions, instability, a history of infidelity, debt and so on. The few I know who are single and decent go younger. One old friend just turned 50 says he is attracted to some women his age but mostly those he knew in his youth because he still kind of see the old, young them and has lingering feelings for them from that time, not me but other women he knew. Mostly though he seems to go for younger, his last long term girlfriend was 12 years younger than him but even then as soon as she started pushing for any kind of commitment he upped sticks and moved across the country for a new job.

He's also a runner and has complained about old women joining his running group looking to "bag a man". On closer questioning the women in question were essentially the same age as him. He is kind of a prick and probably not one of the good one's although he does have a good job, can be good company and his still attractive.

Kind of a prick gives him the benefit of the doubt.

@Nosdacariad I just meant that on paper many women would think he was a good one when he's a prick. I have no interest in him romantically so I am able to enjoy his company and our very old friendship but I'd advise any other woman to avoid him romantically.

One of the screening rules I had in place (before I did Burned Haystacks) was never to swipe right on someone with ridiculous age limits on online dating. If they were 55 themselves and they put that they wanted a woman aged 25-45, I wouldn't begin to date them. I expected men to be dating in their own age group, at least up to that.

This ruled out ones like a friend who is still behaving like a Peter Pan aged 50 odd, and doesn't want even the commitment a younger woman brings anyway.

My main tip is, however bad it is on the apps, do Burned Haystacks (from the FB group) and stay on there the minimal amount of time you can. If you expect to find great single men aged 55 just trotting around in the wild, you may be somewhat disappointed. Use Burned Haystacks for real-life encounters too. You might have far fewer dates, but the ones you have will be much better and not put you off men for life! I also get just staying in your peace and remaining single. It doesn't stop you from restarting in the future, and sometimes it's better than stressing about it all. I was single for many years before I ventured back and I don't regret waiting.

Sort of indicative of the male mind. Visited a quaint town today, narrow streets. Walked past and quite close to two old men with walking sticks, guessing mid to late 70s. One of them said she’s nice, the other one said who. First guy says the one holding the dog. Looked across at girl holding the dog. She was a lovely girl. About 17. 🤮

Ewwww. That’s just creepy.

Didn't realise they'd gone over and made her feel uncomfortable.

It's only creepy once people start acting on these opinions. Two old men going for a walk talking to each other isn't creepy. You'll be telling me now you've never commented on a young man's appearance.

It's only creepy once people start acting on these opinions

Not at all, by your logic then men thinking about, or talking on line with others about, children are fine because they aren’t acting on it.
Or all those men that went on that site to discover how to drug and rape their wives are fine, as long as they don’t actually go through with it.
Those old men in a bar nudging each other about the 18 year old barmaid telling each other how they’d ‘like to give her one’ are fine, as long as they don’t act on it.

Extreme examples maybe, but thinking such comments are harmless, and underestimating the issue, is part of the problem*, surely? And no, I’ve never looked at a 17 year old boy in any such way, or thought anything other than ‘he’s young enough to be my son’.

• as per instagrams coinswallow

I'm sorry but old men letching at a girl 60ish years younger IS creepy. She is virtually a child. Finding a 40 year old woman attractive, possibly. But objectifying a girl young enough to be their great grandchild? Urgh. Vile. And this is yet another reason there is a male loneliness epidemic.

Would anyone like a Diet Coke ?

From which year?

Those adverts ran from 1994 to 2013. They were a massive success although the male model in this advert felt "objectified" it was quickly decided that women ogling men was absolutely fine.

Well, look at what he's wearing.....

Bless your heart.

I'd strongly advise all the nice 50-something, single males to come and have a read of this thread. Admittedly, having got to page 8 or 9, I skipped to the end, but the bulk of the rest has done a great deal to remind me I'm NOT a complete deadbeat arsehole* ... even if not explain why I'm single. 🤔
The comments suggesting I'm not desirable because I'm not in the higher tax band were initially a little galling, but I consoled myself with the knowledge that, having sacrificed my career to be the primary parent for 17yrs, my daughter recently told someone I am the person who inspires her most. So I'm good with that.
And for the record, I'm not interested in dating anyone even twice my daughter's age - I'd like to wake up next to someone who remembers Prof Yaffle and Arthur Skargill ... though possiblely not while we're in bed. 😲

And on that note, I really must spend my daily 5 sole destroying minutes on Match.com
As Neitzsche said, to online-date is to suffer, but finding a monogamous life partner with whom to share interests and housework is to find meaning in that suffering.

(* T&C: I dare say I have my areshole moments - who doesn't?!)

@IHE cracking post 😁

Diolch.

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 too!?

Yeah. And I realise, for some people, that may be as big a red flag as not earning £100k+. But I can't do much about either.

Married 🤷‍♀️

My BF (56) and I(47) have been friends for a long time. After our marriages broke up, we started talking about how to get on the apps.

needless to say, neither of us made it that far…
and we are both very happy!

@IHE

@MysticalChipmunk Whilst I appreciate the photographic evidence, sadly, an ability to use Google's image search isn't conclusive evidence that you are a REAL nice 50-something, single female, rather than one of the women I usually get contacted by on Match (pneumatic chest, look like they're 30, have a PhD but can't spell and suggest exchanging photos in their opening message). So I'll be insisting on at minimum of one phonecall and 3 dates before you've got even a remote chance of getting into my pants ... and the drinks are on you for at least one of those*.

(* I think there was a related comment somewhere around p5 of this thread.)

@IHE

What evidence would you like? My birth certificate? I was born early 70’s. Same year as ABBA 😊 🎶 🪩. I was around in the summer of 1976 when it was very hot and we had a plague of those little insects. I remember Bagpuss (and Emily) very well 😌. Also, The Wombles.

I am REAL. Not plastic, not rubber and I’m definitely not a robot. I have a nice & real chest, no dodgy implants 😂, thanks very much. I have 2 degrees. No PhD but I have a BSc and MSc in something scientific.

I’m also single and nice. I’m not on Match as find OLD soul destroying.