Where are all the nice 50-something, single males?

[MysticalChipmunk]

Are they hiding? I can’t find one. OLD is dire and not for me. What can I do?

I think you have missed my point
upthread somewhere someone said the bar is set low for men as all they need to have a house & job etc ( to be functioning adult ), but isn’t that just the same as men look for in women?
so surely men are looking for the same things in women- to be a functional adult- so the bar is set at the same level for both genders

More what? I want specific "more" and I don't think Wayne is available 😁

If he was available?

Wayne Rooney doesn't have his own hair or his own teeth! He probably does have a house though.

He has someone else’s hair at least 😆, that must count for something

Honestly I think your best bet is to cultivate your inner Lesbian. Isn't it supposed to be the case that we are all a bit Bi, but were railroaded into heterosexuality by cultural expectations? Make a start with watching Gentleman Jack on iPlayer and see how you go?

Not in a pink fit. He lacks character.

Back when I was OLD I had several dates with different women around my age whose primary topic of conversation were subtle / not-so-subtle attempts at trying to work out how much money I had. NAWALT of course; it's only a small minority.

But just as I'm sure women get very attuned to spotting the men whose primary purpose in dating is for a quick shag, if you're a man then you do start to notice that some women are really only interested in your money.

And yes, for the avoidance of confusion I find that just as distasteful and shallow as men who perve over women young enough to be their daughters.

What on earth?!

No, you completely misunderstood what I was saying. Someone said her friend had found a man with a house, job, own hair and teeth, and I said the bar was set pretty low if those were the only criteria for a successful match.

You just felt the need to jump in to prove Dunning- Krugers' hypothesis.

Unfortunately there seems to be a lot men on OLD like Wayne Rooney (minus the millionaire status). Unattractive, poor communication style, history of cheating/using sex workers, that type of man. I think those of use in our 40s & 50s have usually had past long term relationships that didn’t meet expectations so have higher standards. Being single is preferable to having a partner who drags us down.

Goog to see self serving bias in action

I met a 52 year old (who looked younger) on a night out and age only came up on our first date (I’m 39)
he told me that he pretends to be 49 on dating apps so he can still be in the catchment of younger women but it’s ok as he tells them AFTER they meet up and his cut off is 42!!! As he’s ’just not attracted’ to women 43 and over. And here’s the kicker - he already has two grown up kids and doesn’t plan on more! I never saw him again.

Probably because they had just left a debt ridden gambler and don’t want to take any risks with their hard earned assets again!

In fairness when I was OLD I was selective insofar wanting to date fellow professionals in decent careers, financially independent, own homes etc. I really did not want to subsidise a grown adult.

@HowardTJMoon I find your post really interesting because you are likely the type of man I would initially want to date.

So, on that basis, I'd be enquiring as to how much money/assets you have. I wouldn't attempt to be subtle about it either, I'd just straight up ask.

You see, there's a point to my dating - an end goal if you like - I'd like to have a husband at the end of it. It's all very well dating, chatting, getting dressed up, arranging nights out, meeting each others family and friends, etc. but thats kind of exhausting and time consuming and not sustainable in the long term so it's why I have an end goal.

Now, bearing in mind I've got assets of my own, I'd like someone to have an equal amount of assets too because I've got children I'd like to leave my money too and getting married might alter that.

My question to you is .why would you mind if I want you to have the same amount of assets as me? Genuine question and genuinely interested in the answer.

@HowardTJMoon I find your post really interesting because you are likely the type of man I would initially want to date.

So, on that basis, I'd be enquiring as to how much money/assets you have. I wouldn't attempt to be subtle about it either, I'd just straight up ask.

You see, there's a point to my dating - an end goal if you like - I'd like to have a husband at the end of it. It's all very well dating, chatting, getting dressed up, arranging nights out, meeting each others family and friends, etc. but thats kind of exhausting and time consuming and not sustainable in the long term so it's why I have an end goal.

Now, bearing in mind I've got assets of my own, I'd like someone to have an equal amount of assets too because I've got children I'd like to leave my money too and getting married might alter that.

My question to you is .why would you mind if I want you to have the same amount of assets as me? Genuine question and genuinely interested in the answer.

@Onadark when I was dating my end goal was to find someone who was kind, smart, funny, trustworthy and who I could see myself falling in love with. Their financial status was always of way less importance than their attitude to money. If they don't have much money because they're a single parent (been there, done that) or have a worthwhile career that just doesn't pay well then that's fine. If they don't have money because they're a spendthrift who's run up huge debts on stuff they don't need then that's not fine.

If I'm on a first date with someone whose main focus is finding out my financial position then that smells like they're less interested in me as a person than me as custodian of my bank accounts. That makes me suspect they have ambitions to end up being the female version of a cock-lodger. The trope about "no-one falls in love faster than a man who needs a roof over his head" applies to some women, too.

Sure, if you're dating someone then at some point you're going to need a conversation about shared financial attitudes and goals etc but when it's the lead story of the first date, that's when I see a red flag.

As an older woman, I completely agree. To discuss finances on a first date is beyond crass imo.

I can’t imagine most of the age group this thread is about are looking for marriage so as long as you can both afford to live a similar lifestyle and neither is looking to freeload other than that finances are irrelevant

In complete truth, I would not discuss finances on a first date, but they would be very important to me. I am quite well-positioned for my age and want to be with someone similar in terms of salary, pension, and lifestyle. No interest in cocklodgers. So- how do you find this all out before you get emotionally invested? I do screen for what people do, sorry, but I do, especially as I'm older so it's not as if we will be growing our careers together. I wouldn't date a guy with a crappy job in his fifties, and it did put me off when I met a lovely man who had no pension and had been living in his former partner's house (why hadn't he saved up for a deposit and bought something himself?)

The manosphere has ended up making a lot of men paranoid about women taking advantage of them financially, but often they don't acknowledge the career hit of being a carer for kids or didn't support their wives in their own careers properly, they are then very angry after divorce. I even met one man who started ranting on to me about how we'd have to share travel costs before we'd met! Strangely, my desire to meet him evaporated right there and then.

If someone told you it would cost you £5k to meet the love of your life, would you pay? If so, why are you resentful about the price of a meal out? Men who bang on about money are usually not very wealthy or generous IMO I'm looking for someone who is upfront, open and generous from the start. I am then generous back. I am completely financially independent and don't need their money anyway, I just like generous people. I hate stingy people who are calculating how much your dessert is costing them.

"So- how do you find this all out before you get emotionally invested? I do screen for what people do, sorry, but I do,"

I do too @Springspringspringagain I also offer to go and pick them up so i can see their house - not because I want their house but because I don't want them to want my house! if that makes sense.

I also try to ask questions like "i'm shattered! I've been working in the garden all day today. Do you spend much time gardening?" and then it's revealed they live in a flat or something. I sound really mercenary but I'm not - I don't want anything from a man, I just don't want him to want something from me lol.

I do not think it is soley the 'manosphere' that makes some men paranoid about being taken advantage of financially but rather just observing life and putting in place prudent safeguards. If you are in yoir 50s the chances are you have witnessed a fair few of your social circle or siblings go through divorce and irrespective of who was to blame for said break up the chances are those people will be living in reduced circumstances and having to retire later. Starting again at that age is a huge burden so you are going to be a bit more wary when you go back to dating or looking for a life partner. Women are constantly advised to maintain their financial independence and/or firewall any assets they have, its hardly surprising some men feel the need to do some due diligence as well.

Sorry, could you rephrase that sentence, because it makes absolutely no sense.

No-one can take advantage of you financially if you don't let them. If you date for a bit and then decide they are too interested in your money, you can break up. Going into every encounter highly suspicious, angry about money and worried if you pay £30 for a dinner out you might suddenly lose your millions isn't a nice way to proceed. I have had men literally rant by text about this stuff before they've even met me.

Everyone who has assets, who has a reasonable job, who has a pension, is in the same position; no-one wants to be with someone after their money, but everyone wants someone with a bit of money so they can enjoy life.

I very much doubt there are women queueing up to marry men they don't like for money these days, if anything, all the data suggests women are opting to continue single life more than men, even though it would financially advantage them to share costs.

@ChamonixMountainBum I do agree though that doing due diligence is necessary, it's just you can't do it on a first date, more's the pity!

I think we are all aiming to avoid getting together with a hobosexual, or even someone who will take advantage of of us. I have been there twice, and now screen men to see if they are able to support themselves. I am not willing to financially support a man (and offspring) as I have done my bit in that respect, while never having been supported by a man other than my father. I am too old to start doing that now.

All this fear of 'gold-diggers' is misplaced, especially if you are looking for someone your age, with similar background and similar success in life. If you (female of male) are looking for a toy-boy (m/f) much younger and prettier to stroke your ego and THEN you find they are interested in the contents of you wallet, then you should not be surprised. There is a trade-off between finance and youth, and it goes both ways. If I would get together with someone who is >10 years older than me, I would need some compensation too for the fact that they are less attractive, not as fit, not all parts may may be working. The fact that they may be more emotionally mature at 65+ does not compensate for that.

I was not aware I felt that way until I set my age range >10 years higher (it was +/- 5 years of my own age), and found myself looking for status signature (job/education)