Gifts sent to our home from DHs female work colleague

[lolaflores]

On Saturday a parcel came to the house addressed to DH. It said "Easter surprise inside!"
I assumed it was an early gift from family and thought no more.
He came down and looked surprised and thought it was family as well.
He opened it up and went scarlet! You could have fried rashers on his face. Then he started giggling and showed me. It was a box with 3 packs of M&Ms. On the front of it was a photo of DH and a woman who works with him. Printed on the side was "Happy Easter *, you're the best".
She did this at Xmas with expensive hamper but there was no message or at least nothing that stood out.

I gave it a few minutes and expressed my discomfort at this. The way the message was phrased and the photo of them on the box. She'd also made sure it was 3 packs of his favourite M&Ms.

He works away every other week. So does she. I've over heard her in the background while he was on the phone to me after work a couple of times telling DH everyone is off to the restaurant "r u coming? Ill save you a space. Shall I get a drink for you?"
She is a project assistant so he is her boss.

To me this feels inappropriate. I don't like that she has sent this to our home. The photo felt really off. The phrasing "you're the best!" All of which I expressed. What business has she using our home address when she knows exactly where he will be week to week?

In my working life I've never done this or even thought of doing this? Is it out of order? He played it down but it's been playing on my mind. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia 3 years ago. Our life has changed a lot and I often wonder if he wouldn't be happier with someone who isn't disabled.

If it were ME I would complain to whoever is your husband's boss about the inappropriateness of it, the violation of privacy, the crossing of boundaries, the intrusion into your life and the life of your children. I would demand that she be talked to and warned not to do such things in the future and that she be told eyes are watching her and his behavior and that if further boundaries are crossed there will be repercussions. I'd emphasize how I and my children were impacted by the intrusion and how unprofessional it was and how it reeks of an improper relationship. If my husband got a talking to I would just shrug and say "well now you know your bosses are watching you and her so you better toe the line." Then I would smile at him. So he knows I am not the one to trifle with.

There is no way your dh’s boss would engage with you, so none of that would actually happen.

Of course you would. And the entire bus would burst into applause.

If a man did this to a woman I think I would be reacting much stronger to this. She really has crossed a line here and it’s bad.

And then the boss would know the wife is batshit crazy and think no fucking wonder he prefers the colleague.
And proceed to ignore everything you said.

I just got a painful flashback of being 22 and with my bf who was 20 years older, in a pub in Camden , on his birthday. The woman who I had suspected of him cheating on me with had sent champagne to our table with a note saying she wished she could be there. He was cheating with her.

The brass neck on your husband’s colleague to even send these to your house, and how does she have your address? It’s as if she is toying with you.

**20 years older 😳

Right the first red flag was a man in his 40s dating a 22 year old.

Funny how OP says “request” and you say “demand” - not quite the same thing or tone is it.

You're not sorry at all so don’t even bother saying it. Just put your boot in and own it.

Good lord could you BE any more condescending and patronising about Polish people? Fucking hell.

Plus OP has already said she’s not young.

Nooooo this is so bad, I’m cringing. OP has far more sense and dignity than to do anything like this, I hope.

M&Ms are haram 😱

Oh, that had occurred to me subliminally after the OP had posted that! Still, I'm sure they got passed onto non-Muslims...

Interesting. Is there gelatine in them or something?

Maybe the family didn’t care and accepted them anyway.

I know Muslims who eat pork and drink alcohol . I can imagine they’d definitely be okay with M&S.

It's the carmine/cochineal. I agree, I know many Muslims and some are more devout than others. Same with other religions too, I guess.

I see - I had no idea!

Yeah true.

Doesn't change the fact that gifting is much more a part of the culture in many EE countries. Do you actually have any Polish or Lithuanian mates? I do and spent years living with them in my early 20s.

If OP was a bloke issuing his wife ultimatums over a box of chocolates he'd be seen as controlling. I couldn't be with that insecure a partner.

@GaIadriel
The issues I not the gift itself, but the sending to the home address (GDPR breach) and the selfie of the husband and the sender.

Best reaction IMO or I would send a thank you note to her at the office saying what a lovely surprise for you and your DH but that you gave them to neighbours children,I would return the photo also xx

I dunno. Sounds to me like the gift is the problem. OP didn't start the thread to moan about data breaches.