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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Gifts sent to our home from DHs female work colleague

446 replies

lolaflores · 25/03/2026 15:18

On Saturday a parcel came to the house addressed to DH. It said "Easter surprise inside!"
I assumed it was an early gift from family and thought no more.
He came down and looked surprised and thought it was family as well.
He opened it up and went scarlet! You could have fried rashers on his face. Then he started giggling and showed me. It was a box with 3 packs of M&Ms. On the front of it was a photo of DH and a woman who works with him. Printed on the side was "Happy Easter *, you're the best".
She did this at Xmas with expensive hamper but there was no message or at least nothing that stood out.

I gave it a few minutes and expressed my discomfort at this. The way the message was phrased and the photo of them on the box. She'd also made sure it was 3 packs of his favourite M&Ms.

He works away every other week. So does she. I've over heard her in the background while he was on the phone to me after work a couple of times telling DH everyone is off to the restaurant "r u coming? Ill save you a space. Shall I get a drink for you?"
She is a project assistant so he is her boss.

To me this feels inappropriate. I don't like that she has sent this to our home. The photo felt really off. The phrasing "you're the best!" All of which I expressed. What business has she using our home address when she knows exactly where he will be week to week?

In my working life I've never done this or even thought of doing this? Is it out of order? He played it down but it's been playing on my mind. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia 3 years ago. Our life has changed a lot and I often wonder if he wouldn't be happier with someone who isn't disabled.

OP posts:
LittleCrumblyBiscuit · 25/03/2026 15:19

Did he have any explanation for why he went scarlet?

TheThingOnTheIce · 25/03/2026 15:21

Bang out of order op and his face literally gave it away

Lmnop22 · 25/03/2026 15:21

I would say the fact it’s coming to your house is good evidence it’s not untoward because then it would be hidden surely?

But it does cross the line if it makes you uncomfortable so he should ask her not to send anything to the house in future!

Thentulip · 25/03/2026 15:22

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Mumlaplomb · 25/03/2026 15:22

I think it’s inappropriate to be honest OP. it’s not something I would do for a colleague of either gender unless we were very close mates outside of work.

TokyoSushi · 25/03/2026 15:22

She wants you to know she exists, in what capacity, I don't know, but she wants to be 'known.'

Thentulip · 25/03/2026 15:23

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RoughGuide · 25/03/2026 15:23

Lmnop22 · 25/03/2026 15:21

I would say the fact it’s coming to your house is good evidence it’s not untoward because then it would be hidden surely?

But it does cross the line if it makes you uncomfortable so he should ask her not to send anything to the house in future!

Exactly. Is the colleague just a bit tragic and the type of person who goes about demonstrating her devotion to people in all kinds of well-meaning, clumsy, embarrassing ways?

I mean, sending three packets of M and Ms to someone's home address with a puppyish message (and long before Easter) is about as redolent of erotic intrigue as getting a Smarties egg from Auntie Maureen.

TheThingOnTheIce · 25/03/2026 15:23

TokyoSushi · 25/03/2026 15:22

She wants you to know she exists, in what capacity, I don't know, but she wants to be 'known.'

yup
otherwise she could have just handed them to him at work
which I still think would be inappropriate
can’t imagine his male colleagues would be giving him gifts like that

lolaflores · 25/03/2026 15:24

I didn't ask why he was embarrassed to be honest. I was so taken aback

OP posts:
Thentulip · 25/03/2026 15:25

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HJ40 · 25/03/2026 15:26

It’s definitely weird. Two possible explanations spring to mind:

  1. It’s dodgy. But I actually think this unlikely as she’s so brazen
  2. she’s a bit keen and doesn’t know restrained British work etiquette. Is she young and or culturally different?

Either way he needs to knock this on the head, and probably do so following up in writing to cover his ass.

I wouldn’t outright distrust him on this alone, but it needs dealt with.

lolaflores · 25/03/2026 15:26

His description of her is as someone who is a pushy, ambitious type. I don't know whether to put it down to shameless brown nosing .

OP posts:
Thentulip · 25/03/2026 15:27

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lolaflores · 25/03/2026 15:27

I did. I gave him a detailed list of reasons why this pissed me off. Then I took the sweets to kids up the road for Eid.

OP posts:
Thentulip · 25/03/2026 15:28

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CanaryLibra · 25/03/2026 15:28

How does she have his home address?
And a photo of them together?

It could be that she wants you to know about her.

RoughGuide · 25/03/2026 15:29

lolaflores · 25/03/2026 15:26

His description of her is as someone who is a pushy, ambitious type. I don't know whether to put it down to shameless brown nosing .

Well, if sending kiddy Easter gifts to her line manager's home address is her idea of getting ahead, I think world domination (or even promotion) is still a long way away...

lolaflores · 25/03/2026 15:29

She is Polish and in the name of objectivity I gave some room for a difference in approach to work etiquette.

I trust him. I really do and he's never given me cause for doubt but I know enough in life that anything is possible.

OP posts:
lolaflores · 25/03/2026 15:31

I left it at that.
He seems to think the matter is settled.
It's not really been laid to rest for me but I want an assurance that she's been told bot to do that again

OP posts:
Dweetfidilove · 25/03/2026 15:31

TokyoSushi · 25/03/2026 15:22

She wants you to know she exists, in what capacity, I don't know, but she wants to be 'known.'

Yup!
She's pissing all over your husband, right inside your home.
Whatever her motive, even of she's the most unaware person alive, your husband should have shut this down straight away.
She's done it twice, and this time is more personal.

user1492757084 · 25/03/2026 15:31

Hint to DH that you think the work mate has the hots for him and he needs to be prepared to cool it right down.

He needs to behave with complete indifferent professionalism.
He needs to be quite warey. Good on you for sending the sweets up the street.

RudolphTheReindeer · 25/03/2026 15:32

That's very weird. Does she know you exist? How has she got the home address?

If one of my colleagues sent something to my house like this I'd be wtf, rather cross if it upset my partner and would not be going scarlet unless I knew one of us fancied the other, or both.

StiffAsAVicar · 25/03/2026 15:32

Ur calmer than I! Id leave in the night with the kids never to be seen again 😂😂

Thentulip · 25/03/2026 15:33

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