Gifts sent to our home from DHs female work colleague

[lolaflores]

On Saturday a parcel came to the house addressed to DH. It said "Easter surprise inside!"
I assumed it was an early gift from family and thought no more.
He came down and looked surprised and thought it was family as well.
He opened it up and went scarlet! You could have fried rashers on his face. Then he started giggling and showed me. It was a box with 3 packs of M&Ms. On the front of it was a photo of DH and a woman who works with him. Printed on the side was "Happy Easter *, you're the best".
She did this at Xmas with expensive hamper but there was no message or at least nothing that stood out.

I gave it a few minutes and expressed my discomfort at this. The way the message was phrased and the photo of them on the box. She'd also made sure it was 3 packs of his favourite M&Ms.

He works away every other week. So does she. I've over heard her in the background while he was on the phone to me after work a couple of times telling DH everyone is off to the restaurant "r u coming? Ill save you a space. Shall I get a drink for you?"
She is a project assistant so he is her boss.

To me this feels inappropriate. I don't like that she has sent this to our home. The photo felt really off. The phrasing "you're the best!" All of which I expressed. What business has she using our home address when she knows exactly where he will be week to week?

In my working life I've never done this or even thought of doing this? Is it out of order? He played it down but it's been playing on my mind. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia 3 years ago. Our life has changed a lot and I often wonder if he wouldn't be happier with someone who isn't disabled.

This is definitely territorial. Don’t give her the satisfaction of knowing you’re pissed by insisting your husband makes her aware. If it were me I’d be thinking right if that’s your game let’s see how you like this. Then frighten the bejesus out of your husband by saying you really need to watch yourself there hun, if she doesn’t get what she wants, which might just be your job, you could find yourself accused of sexual harassment and we all know what happens to men that get accused of that even if it’s not true - career over. He won’t want to believe it but the seed of doubt will be sown.

I would be paying close attention to what he is doing, truth is, how does she even know what his favorite m and m's are, unless he has told her. it sounds a bit suspect and i personally would be getting a private investigator to trail him when on a work trip. something doesn't add up. but go with your gut feeling that is always right

I think, if you don't watch out, he'll end up banging her. Tread carefully.

There's always 2 ways to skin a cat. I can do "f" all about her in real terms but I can make it very clear to him how it ot only looks to me but the potential problems this can cause for him if it all goes off the rails and now is the exact moment she is stopped in her tracks.

I told him this was way too close for me to simply ignore in the hopes she's just being friendly and it's a lovely gesture and not take into account the possibility she has ulterior motives. He's had the wind put uo him from me but from the point of view of how it could backfire.

Tell him you fancy a cosy Friday night retro movie with some nice wine and snuggling.
Put on 'Fatal Attraction' as the movie of choice!

Very weird. Snacks of an OCD Play Misty For Me Vibe. Could turn nasty

The power play between 2 females, who thinks they have the advantage.

Nevertheless this should have not got to this point, she clearly feels confident or mad enough to send this highly personal present, and in both cases he should have kept her at arms length and been professional.

He enabled or encouraged her.

Or is she trying to tell his wife something. Not sure either way.

Yes I agree,she’s doing this so that contact between them doesn’t look out of place and becomes the norm.
A woman at a company where my ex used to visit daily gave him cakes for our kids which I thought was weird..they are now married!
You say they are both away with work at the same time? If something’s not already happening between them it soon will be.

Have you ever received thoughtful personal gifts to your home from a male colleague that would cause your husband to be concerned?

What did DH do about it?

Oh hell noooooo!!!

i have some questions…

1. why did he go red instead of being completely confused why such a thing was sent to him, AND his home address?
2. Whats happened that made her think that was appropriate to do?
3. And why does she think he's the best?

Major line crossed, id be fuming.

😅🤣 that film got mentioned this afternoon with a wry eyebrow lift.

Jesus Christ Almighty????? My bloods just ran cold. You see this is what I mean. Totally harmless looking "what a lovely gesture' can slide right under the radar and Bibs your Uncle, Fannies your Aunt, shes got the new kitchen and curtains planned.
It's not out of the realm of possibilities

This

There's been a conversation with his boss and her about it. She's been told its out of order. Not to happen again. Any more of her nonsense and it's off to HR with her. She was embarrassed apparently and gave the shit about "but it's just a gift" and made it clear it was about sending it to the house and the intrusion.
Many apologies.
I didn't sit in on the conversation so Inhave to accept these were the events. It was a Zoom meeting DH is WFH today

She is Eastern European but she's not young. She is younger than him but not decades younger. She's worked in a British company for 20 years but I don't know if this is her first brush with the authorities shall we say. She's been out of order in a couple of other situations as well, so maybe she's had to be told to smarten up.

Ask yourself the question why would you send packets of sweets through the post to someone you work with? Even if she wanted it to be a surprise she could have left them on his desk etc and why would she send a photo of them together? It’s not so much that a photo of them exists but she’s obviously had it printed and wrapped the parcel up to send.
If you can please check his phone or invite her and her husband/boyfriend/whatever around for drinks/bbq and show her how happy and in love you and your husband are!
Her and your husband’s body language will give you the answer..Good luck xx

Aye to all of this. It definitely has the “he’s mine now bitch” vibe to me, sorry OP!

Gotta love the bonkers but predictable conspiracy theories (she's making sure you know about her). 🤣

Gifting is a well known practice in many European countries, to a much greater extent than it is here.

Google answer:

Yes, Polish people frequently give gifts, as it is a deeply rooted part of their culture to show respect, hospitality, and appreciation.

Yes, Polish people do give gifts to bosses, but it is typically handled with professional discretion and usually reserved for specific occasions like Christmas, Easter, or the end of a project. Gifts are viewed as tokens of appreciation, with a preference for items reflecting quality or culture, such as high-quality alcohol, coffee, or sweets.

One has to wonder how many marriages have been destroyed by the shit stirring on here after a PA gives her boss a tin of Quality Street. 😆

There's a whole world of difference between popping a tin of quality street on your boss's desk at work and sending some weird creepy package (with a photo) to his home

At this point I'd be telling any partner to fuck right off! Whether or not there's anything on the phone the trust has been lost at the point where they insinuate you're a cheater. Imagine if there wasn't anything on there!

Yeah, defo more likely that a confident young woman wants to shag her middle aged boss than the possibility that she's just doing what people in her country do, whilst trying to score some brownie points at the same time. It's not that different to sending an xmas card really. Fuck me, it's a bag of M&M's. 😆 Hardly Victoria's Secret level raunchiness. People on here are bonkers.

This is so wildly inappropriate, I would really not like this and she is out of order for overstepping or whatever she is doing
If she genuinely wanted to get him something which is so weird anyway, she should have got him something for you both or kids but even that would be a massive stretch.
it’s unprofessional and bizarre. He needs to tell her to stop. How would he feel if you had a male colleague do the same?

Also please don’t put yourself down about being poorly . I hope he is supporting you x