Gifts sent to our home from DHs female work colleague

[lolaflores]

On Saturday a parcel came to the house addressed to DH. It said "Easter surprise inside!"
I assumed it was an early gift from family and thought no more.
He came down and looked surprised and thought it was family as well.
He opened it up and went scarlet! You could have fried rashers on his face. Then he started giggling and showed me. It was a box with 3 packs of M&Ms. On the front of it was a photo of DH and a woman who works with him. Printed on the side was "Happy Easter *, you're the best".
She did this at Xmas with expensive hamper but there was no message or at least nothing that stood out.

I gave it a few minutes and expressed my discomfort at this. The way the message was phrased and the photo of them on the box. She'd also made sure it was 3 packs of his favourite M&Ms.

He works away every other week. So does she. I've over heard her in the background while he was on the phone to me after work a couple of times telling DH everyone is off to the restaurant "r u coming? Ill save you a space. Shall I get a drink for you?"
She is a project assistant so he is her boss.

To me this feels inappropriate. I don't like that she has sent this to our home. The photo felt really off. The phrasing "you're the best!" All of which I expressed. What business has she using our home address when she knows exactly where he will be week to week?

In my working life I've never done this or even thought of doing this? Is it out of order? He played it down but it's been playing on my mind. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia 3 years ago. Our life has changed a lot and I often wonder if he wouldn't be happier with someone who isn't disabled.

Why are there so many deleted posts on this thread?

I've noticed that too. I haven't complained about any comments. But it seems this afternoon there's been a bit of a flurry. Whatever people think is up to them unless MN HQ think its out of line.

I agree.

She has a crush and is letting it be known to you.

I don’t know why those posts were deleted as they were normal messages and supportive.

Probably PBPs.

Taking a step back from her ordering personalised sweets and getting your home address - why the fuck did she want a pic of them in the first place? Precisely for the sweet order or just on general? Bit odd wanting a pic of someone else's dh..
Given she has issues with alcohol and drugs should she have a job in their firm anyway? Isn't a exactly a good look. Gossiping about your drug taking with colleagues..

REALLY??? 😳

"This should have gone straight to HR. Phone the company and report it yourself,"

You cannot be serious, surely. 🙀

I agree with everyone who has said they believe this gift is a statement about herself and her, maybe, imagined importance in DHs life. It's my belief he does not reciprocate and he's assured me of that. Yes. I've seen the instances where this has bitten people very deeply not too much later. I have to trust him at this moment otherwise will drive myself round the bend but that little bit of unease I had about her before seems to be grounded in fact. I'm not imagining this.i don't think she should be in any closer contact with him and I don't want her round him without another person present until the project ends just in case she decides she doesn't take a firm no very well and is resentful.

I'm travellung out with him to the other location for a visit. This was decided long before the gift turned up. He'll take a couple of days off and we'll do some tourist stuff around the city which we've said we'd do before the project ends.

So that's where we stand at the moment.

She's trying to get to you

Why does she have your home address? I wouldn't be at all happy either about the hamper or the M&Ms. Actually this latest gift seems worse as more intimate somehow. Your DH should give them back to her and tell her firmly that it's inappropriate

Send her a text message saying "Thank you for the sweets! I really enjoyed them, but for future reference my favourites are (name some expensive chocs). Oh, and the kids say thanks too."

And do you have the authority to demand all this at his workplace ?
I'm sorry op but you seem a bit controlling.

There was a thread on here recently where the OP thought it was perfectly ok to give her male married colleague presents, and text him loads out of work. She wouldn’t have it that the vast majority of people thought she was out of order. Is this the same person I wonder?

If there was nothing in it he wouldn’t Have reacted the way he did. As for her how brazen especially when you’ve mentioned her shouting to him when he’s clearly on the phone to you as well. I’d be very suspicious and dig deeper if I were you. Do you have access to his phone/emails/social media?

And me. Although I'd have probably eaten the sweets first, or taken them with me.

Good on you for sending them up the road for Eid celebrations, OP

Personally I would contact HR at the company and explain that if she wants a good review, sending gifts to her boss at the home address is a) creepy b) inappropriate and c) could be considered bribery

I have been working for ca. 20 years and have had some really great bosses that I got on with as friends, had a drink with at times and went on work trips with. Absolutely never ever had it even entered my head to send a gift to their home address, let alone a photo of myself! Wtf?! They would all think I'm some creepy stalker and refer me to HR. She has a crush on your husband and wants you to know they are more than just colleagues!

Does he realise how dumb this sounds?

I have been working for ca. 20 years and have had some really great bosses that I got on with as friends, had a drink with at times and went on work trips with. Absolutely never ever had it even entered my head to send a gift to their home address, let alone a photo of myself! Wtf?! They would all think I'm some creepy stalker and refer me to HR. She has a crush on your husband and wants you to know they are more than just colleagues!

She obviously wants to cause trouble between you and your husband. She is definitely out of order in sending him stuff to his home.

I would give your husband a long, thorough talking to

They say there's no smoke without fire.

Tell him if he doesn't get is sorted.You will contact his company's HR Dept and report the incident.

Good Luck.

yeh she's definitely trying to mark territory - what a psycho. Sorry you're dealing with this OP. Hopefully she's just overstepping and being massively unprofessional rather than anything else going on.