Gifts sent to our home from DHs female work colleague

[lolaflores]

On Saturday a parcel came to the house addressed to DH. It said "Easter surprise inside!"
I assumed it was an early gift from family and thought no more.
He came down and looked surprised and thought it was family as well.
He opened it up and went scarlet! You could have fried rashers on his face. Then he started giggling and showed me. It was a box with 3 packs of M&Ms. On the front of it was a photo of DH and a woman who works with him. Printed on the side was "Happy Easter *, you're the best".
She did this at Xmas with expensive hamper but there was no message or at least nothing that stood out.

I gave it a few minutes and expressed my discomfort at this. The way the message was phrased and the photo of them on the box. She'd also made sure it was 3 packs of his favourite M&Ms.

He works away every other week. So does she. I've over heard her in the background while he was on the phone to me after work a couple of times telling DH everyone is off to the restaurant "r u coming? Ill save you a space. Shall I get a drink for you?"
She is a project assistant so he is her boss.

To me this feels inappropriate. I don't like that she has sent this to our home. The photo felt really off. The phrasing "you're the best!" All of which I expressed. What business has she using our home address when she knows exactly where he will be week to week?

In my working life I've never done this or even thought of doing this? Is it out of order? He played it down but it's been playing on my mind. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia 3 years ago. Our life has changed a lot and I often wonder if he wouldn't be happier with someone who isn't disabled.

Thought it was funny to find his home address and send it there? I don’t think so. She’d have given him it at work.

Yeah I wouldn’t find it funny!
Calling to him about coming to the restaurant when he’s on the phone to his wife is rude too, it’s easy to feel insecure when you are not well physically and you are at home and he’s in a social setting with others.

Exactly. GDPR laws are in place to protect people. Just because an office is full of banter, doesn’t mean that employees can break privacy protection laws.

The most concerning aspect of this is the gift being sent to the family home, breaking GDPR.

With a photo of the two of them on the box.
To me, that’s what really tips the balance.

I was in a very similar situation to you OP and it didn’t end well.

Here’s what I’ve learned. You cannot deal with this, your husband has to.

in my case it was a client and my ex was the builder. Long storey short they are together now. In the beginning I said how I felt to the point the women actually reached out to me and told me how they were just ‘friends.’

What I regret now is not realising at the time it wasn’t for me to sort.

I don’t think it’s brown nosing I think that’s a convenient narrative for your husband. They shouldn’t have photos together like how did that even happen? You have a husband problem. He’s made it come across that she is welcome it’s plain and simple. Photos together crossing boundary, discussing his favourite confectionery and her wanting to surprise him. My ex would come home with gifts all the time and like you, you question it and what seems harmless adds up. The amount of times I was told she was really nice and just like that.

Him not wanting to sort it. Again similar I was told I was making a big deal out of it and guess what no boundaries in place just resulted in them crossing more of them.

At the end of the day he needs to sort this but probably enjoying the ego boost. Good luck

OP it sounds like your husband has actually been really decent about this and has done everything possible to reassure you. Most of the stories on here like this end up with the husband telling the wife they are being jealous and dramatic rather than being supportive like yours has been.

People are really winding you up but it just really does sound like this woman is a bit over the top.

How did you hear about her other behaviour at the hotel bar and talking about sex parties?

Probably not a popular option but I would call her on the phone and say ‘I noticed you sent my husband sweets and a photo, we had a good laugh at you. Why are you communicating to our home address? I ate all the sweets thanks but what is your address so I can post you back your photo tomorrow. Ready to copy’

Well I wouldn’t like it .
Also I wouldn’t like that he works away every other week with her , is he gone for the full week?

That would just make you look like the kind of person who thinks a normal Saturday night involves pulling someone’s hair outside a club while rolling on the ground and screaming ‘Hands off my Darren!”

You might be right 😂

Imagine me backing away…

Send her a thankyou card and say you and your husband both appreciated the chocolate treat but are going on a diet and don’t want anymore signed Mrs ?

Sent to your home, the modern way to send gifts, things we who don't work in offices do, mutually not organised. Overthinking is pointless, also many of us do.

Op if your dh doesn’t like getting his photo taken why did he let her do it and why does she want it. I could not ever stand that close to my manager and do that I could if it was my close friends very very close but just a colleague definitely not. I really hope he’s not lying to you because it was inappropriate being so close. Op if this was the other way around and she wasn’t comfortable she would be reporting him to hr. No one needs photos of their manager on there phone why would you want to look at them when you spend so much time together. Eew no no no.

She books his taxis to/from home. Of course she knows his address.

I could not ever stand that close to my manager

Good grief.

I know that. It is against GDPR laws to use the data she had access to for business reasons (taxis) for personal reasons (personal gifts).

If this is true, it's a case of the law being an ass. GDPR is supposed to protect data privacy. There's no breach of data privacy in someone who knows a colleague's address ... knowing the colleague's address.

Disagree. You should be able to feel safe in the knowledge that information needed for work isn't used inappropriately to make you feel uncomfortable. Would you think it was okay for, say, your male boss to start sending unwanted gifts to your house just because you've had to provide your address upon commencing employment? That would really creep me out!

If my boss engaged in behaviour that creeped me out and didn't desist when asked, I'd follow the usual routes (HR, then police) for dealing with creepy behaviour. Doesn't matter whether he knows my address, which train I catch or where my desk is.

Tell me you haven’t done corporate GDPR training without telling me you haven’t done corporate GDPR training.

To be fair, she could know the address because he told her where he lives 😁

I miss the laughing emoji!

What you think it’s ok to lean over your boss take a selfie. op said dh doesn’t like having his picture taken maybe I’m like this because I’ve had slimy creep bosses who can’t keep there hands or innuendos to themselves. Don’t judge me.