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Original poster

Dating apps Q

10 replies

TheDutchHouse · 09/03/2026 21:22

Is there a reliable dating app where you don’t have a photo up for all to see before you want them to ?

OP posts:
Brightbluesomething · 09/03/2026 22:01

The purpose of dating apps is usually to find someone you’re attracted to and want to meet. If you’re not ready to put a photo up then you’re probably not ready to date.

Original poster
TheDutchHouse · 09/03/2026 22:16

I’d be happy to share a photo once I feel confident that he’s not my ex stalking me .

OP posts:
Original poster
TheDutchHouse · 09/03/2026 22:16

I am ready, after 6 years to date though

OP posts:
carrotcake1234 · 09/03/2026 22:22

Pay premium so you can go incognito . Only people you like will see your photo

Original poster
TheDutchHouse · 09/03/2026 22:28

carrotcake1234 · 09/03/2026 22:22

Pay premium so you can go incognito . Only people you like will see your photo

Thank you, is premium something on most apps ?

OP posts:
RavenFinch · 10/03/2026 00:42

TheDutchHouse · 09/03/2026 22:28

Thank you, is premium something on most apps ?

Show quote history

I don't know the answer to that (someone else on Mumsnet might) but I can tell you:

  1. Plenty of Fish does have the incognito option for Premium subscribers (as POF is owned by Match.com who also own Bumble, Tinder and Hinge the chances are likely their algorithms and systems work in very similar ways).

  2. You won't attract any attention at all, not one single response without a photo.

  3. With the POF incognito Premium option only users who you have liked, or messaged can interact back with you (and be aware of your profile). Your presence on the app remains hidden to all the other users.

  4. However this option is more often used by men who like to be the hunter, doing the choosing, selecting only ladies they like to send a first message. Women being the person who initiates contact never goes down well or gets any response (in my experience). So for a woman to take the lead and be the first to initiate contact is likely to take men by surprise and put men on the back foot.

The choice, however, is yours.

Original poster
TheDutchHouse · 10/03/2026 01:10

RavenFinch · 10/03/2026 00:42

I don't know the answer to that (someone else on Mumsnet might) but I can tell you:

  1. Plenty of Fish does have the incognito option for Premium subscribers (as POF is owned by Match.com who also own Bumble, Tinder and Hinge the chances are likely their algorithms and systems work in very similar ways).

  2. You won't attract any attention at all, not one single response without a photo.

  3. With the POF incognito Premium option only users who you have liked, or messaged can interact back with you (and be aware of your profile). Your presence on the app remains hidden to all the other users.

  4. However this option is more often used by men who like to be the hunter, doing the choosing, selecting only ladies they like to send a first message. Women being the person who initiates contact never goes down well or gets any response (in my experience). So for a woman to take the lead and be the first to initiate contact is likely to take men by surprise and put men on the back foot.

The choice, however, is yours.

Show quote history

Thank you .
it does seem a minefield!

OP posts:
NowStartingOver · 10/03/2026 14:18

Tinder changed their rules so that people had to have a photo on their profile, because the people who didn't have photos of themselves (and photos of landscapes etc) were likely to be scammers.

NowStartingOver · 10/03/2026 14:20

RavenFinch · 10/03/2026 00:42

I don't know the answer to that (someone else on Mumsnet might) but I can tell you:

  1. Plenty of Fish does have the incognito option for Premium subscribers (as POF is owned by Match.com who also own Bumble, Tinder and Hinge the chances are likely their algorithms and systems work in very similar ways).

  2. You won't attract any attention at all, not one single response without a photo.

  3. With the POF incognito Premium option only users who you have liked, or messaged can interact back with you (and be aware of your profile). Your presence on the app remains hidden to all the other users.

  4. However this option is more often used by men who like to be the hunter, doing the choosing, selecting only ladies they like to send a first message. Women being the person who initiates contact never goes down well or gets any response (in my experience). So for a woman to take the lead and be the first to initiate contact is likely to take men by surprise and put men on the back foot.

The choice, however, is yours.

Show quote history

Well I'm not sure how Bumble existed then, because with Bumble the woman is forced to message first (I know they've slightly changed this with prompts).

If men don't like to be messaged first, then I suppose no one ever met anyone on Bumble?

RavenFinch · 10/03/2026 18:56

NowStartingOver · 10/03/2026 14:20

Well I'm not sure how Bumble existed then, because with Bumble the woman is forced to message first (I know they've slightly changed this with prompts).

If men don't like to be messaged first, then I suppose no one ever met anyone on Bumble?

Show quote history

Women can only message men on Bumble who have matched with that lady. Therefore:
● if the man has pressed match / like / favourite ....
.....then the woman can send the first message.

But men are (sort of) still doing the selecting - as women cannot message any man she likes the look of.

It's a sleight of hand deception to let women feel they are in control on Bumble (admittedly women on Bumble won't get inundated inboxes full of messages from prize chumps as much as other apps) .... but the women can only message a small number of men who have seen their photos and chosen to match with that lady.

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