I think my dad may have abused me. But I’m not sure.
I don’t remember much of my childhood, however I’ll write the things that I recall.
I had to play a game called Wriggly Worms. My dad would lie on the floor on his back and I had to wriggle up the length of his body until my feet had reached his head.
When we were on the sofa he ‘d want me to cuddle up to him and he’d be squeezing/grabbing my arse the ENTIRE time. The anxiety was insane. I don’t think I was allowed to move away.
When trying on clothes in a changing room in a shop I’d have to come out for him to see the clothes. If I was trying on jeans/trousers he’d then grope my arse to check the clothes fit. Other customers gave me pitying looks but no one intervened (was the 90s).
My mum was largely absent throughout my childhood (working, mental illness, television) so I don’t know if she noticed or picked up on anything. She was pretty abusive in her own way (Almond Mum - enjoyed criticising my appearance).
I’ve gone through some shit recently and gone NC with my parents as a result. But this has ALWAYS been at the back of my mind.
Was this abuse? Or just normal 80s/90s parenting? I’m feeling really conflicted and I need to spend some time getting my thoughts organised so I can deal with them.