Found condoms in his overnight bag.

[totalshockIneedaHandhold]

We don’t use condoms as I am on the pill. He’s at the gym now and I am going out with my DD. I’ve read so many posts like this but never thought it would be me. I am going to confront him tonight, and ask he hands his phone to me . Even if I don’t think any messages ect, this does mean he’s cheating right? I need a sense check here before I end it. 5 years, no kids together, seperate houses. A few financial things to tie up if I end it. Any advice, or a hand hold would be most appreciated.

When did he last use, or when will he next use his overnight bag?

What made you decide to check his bag?

You’ve found the evidence. Anything he says will be a lie.

Don’t let him gaslight you in to believing some nonsense about them being over 5 years old etc.

check the date on them if needs be, condoms don’t have a long shelf life.

Any chance there was an initiative at the gym and the local clinic were handing out free condoms? My gym do that maybe twice a year.

Yeah I was gonna say , check the date on them

Sealed packet? Expiry date? Does he often use that bag? How tidy is he generally?

I’ve had things kicking around in old bags for years before.

@totalshockIneedaHandhold he's cheating.

When you confront him, start with "is there anything you want to tell me?" and that will make him stumble. Then go in with "you were seen. Again, is there anything you want to tell me?"

More often than not, the semi-truth blurts out.

He'll say he was using them to wank.
He'll admit he bought them and that the other woman was only a ego boost or flirtation and he was never going to do anything.
He'll admit he's been chatting online to other woman but nothing has happened...

Eventually, when he sees you are not a pushover, he will admit there is another woman (or more) he was going to meet for sex.

Dump him and move on. Don't believe a word he says or any excuses.

Men who cheat are not men in love.

Get him dumped asap.

At least he may have had enough sense to use protection, my OH didn't in the 5 years (that she admitted to, quite probably more), that she was shagging around.

Gosh what a stretch to try and find an explanation. Surely if someone is handing out condoms and you do not use condoms you say ‘no thank you’ not take some and put them in your bag? Someone’s giving out free ginger shots at Charing Cross the other day, I don’t drink them so o don’t take one.

OP I don’t think you can demand to see his phone regardless of what he may or may not have done but I do think how he responds to you asking what’s going on will be obvious if he is lying or not. You don’t need proof or evidence, if you don’t trust and think he has been up to something you are free to end the relationship

L T B

but they’re not making you take them ?

Why should he grab them?he don't need them.

I would be very confused if my husband came up withthat explanation.

What ever happened to blind faith hey. ? I was with my best friend and husband and this guy we know came up to us and handed a condom to my husband. My husband had already bought a box of condoms. So flung it in his bag. Idiot husband decided oh yes we use this guys condom 🙄🙄 which had obviously been tampered with. It’s him and boom I find out I’m pregnant. So cheating wouldn’t even come into my wavelength

Sorry but what has this got to do with Op's situation?

They don't use condoms.

She has found multiple condoms in his over night bag. A totally different scenario to the one you are describing.

And one with no possible innocent explanation imo.

Check the phone, he needs to hand it over if he wants to try to prove he is innocent. You absolutely have the right.

Very true, I was probably being stupidly optimistic!

This thread sounds very similar to thread i read last week.

Its mumsnet all men are cheats.

I know it's supposed to be a Mumsnet myth, but I once met a man who used condoms for a clean and tidy nightly wank.
Very rare though.

I was at an event all afternoon with family and friends with my dd who I’ve just dropped at her dad’s. Sottinh in the car reading all the messages… ther is no reasonable reason why he would have a condom in his overnight bag. He last used it as far as I’m aware, 2 weeks ago when we were on holiday. It’s a solitary condom, the ones we usually used and I gave a few in my bedside table and so does he at his house. When I go home I’ll check the date of the condom and compare how sad is life if I’ve been reduced to this? In answer so how I found the condom. I wasn’t snooping, the bag was unzipped and I caught a glimpse of it. I feel like I will be walking into a fire when I get home. I am breathing so fast now. It def isnt a condom for a posh wank, he’s far too messy and careless.

any last words of wisdom welcome.

I read one similar last week.., little did I know it would be me next :(

It’s exactly this . Thank you for putting it so sensibly. I’ve just parked up now, going to make a herbal tea and ask him .

I hope you’re doing okay . 💐

Keep us updated, OP. Regardless of how this goes, it all will end well for you💜

OP you've already made up you're mind on this, regardless of whether or not you find anything, as there's no coming back from your focus has come back from this and the responses have been from your posting. Even if there's nothing to you finding condoms in his overnight bag, no illicit messages in his telephone, you'll always be looking and waiting for something to come about to confirm what you thought to be correct in the first place. You'll never be satisfied until you do, so you might has well just go ahead and end it now and, complete as you put it, "A few financial things to tie up."

What happened @totalshockIneedaHandhold ?