Girl I’ve been seeing doesn’t want me to ‘pull the rug out’

[Monzo235]

I’ve been seeing a girl for 2 and a half months. She’s 36 I’m 29. Today she sent me these messages:

‘Trying to think of the best way to say this - but will just say there’s always the small part of my brain that’s afraid of the rug being pulled out from under me from someone I like’.

I said I think everyone feels that to some extent. And she replied: ‘But here’s where you also to some extent (even if it’s not truthful) tell me you’re not going to do this to me suddenly one day’.

thing is. I’ve told her multiple times now that next year I might want to move abroad. I’ve told her I want kids one day and I’m worried about timelines with our age difference. She’s told me to chill out and live in the grey for a while.

I said to her ‘That’s okay. I mean this is kinda why I’ve said the things I’ve said before. I don’t want you to feel blindsided. The last thing I want to do is hurt you’.

I’m really starting to feel a lot of pressure. If I want to break up with her at some point, I will. I don’t want to be told I can’t. And that feels like basically what she wants me to say?

Can anyone help with this?

You like her, she likes you, you are still getting to know each other, the future is uncertain.
All relationships are like this, you can worry, or go forwards with optimism. It’s up to you.

True. I guess it’s just more do I like her enough to have kids and never date another girl again. And have a much more compressed timeline for that

Have a complete personality transplant 😂 😘

Time will tell. All relationships are uncertain at the start because you don’t know each other well enough.

You’ve been dating for ten weeks, and only three of those have been exclusively.

Over many, many threads you’ve talked negatively about her “blasé” attitude, you’ve shown resentment that you feel you’ve done “all the emotional heavy lifting”, you’ve been annoyed that she isn’t paying attention to the red flags “warning signs” you’ve been holding up, you’ve implied she’s stringing you along, you’ve said she’s “weird” for dating you at all (because of the age difference), you’ve been irritated by her asking for reassurance from you, and you’ve even posted her messages to analyse them. Your ‘honeymoon period’ in this relationship has consisted mostly of anxiety-riddled conversations and anguished handwringing about the future, while compulsively posting on every forum you can find to discuss all of the many ways you can see this failing horribly.

This isn’t how somebody who has met the love of their life behaves.

Either calm down, go with the flow, allow this to develop naturally and see how you feel in a couple of years…or end it now. If you’re determined to give it a go, stop the immature teenage dramatics, and don’t be so bloody immature about wanting children with a woman you’ve just met.