How to leave DH

[JollyOchreLurker]

Name changed as Dh has monitored my internet use in the past.
Reached the end of the road with him, he is financially and coercively controlling.
The kids have grown up and one is living away from home, one still at home.
I want to buy a house for me and the remaining child without DH knowing.
I can afford a small mortgage and eventually the family home will be sold but I have to leave before that happens.
How do i do this without him knowing?

It’s certainly going to be difficult. Perhaps start with new secret phone, set up a new email address on that so you can search/ message without him knowing. Keep it at work? At your parents house? Arrange an address you can get post sent to?

perhaps the citizens advice bureau have better advice? Or domestic abuse charities? Unfortunately situations like yours are not rare.
wishing you lots of luck

Domestic abuse charities will be better than Citizens Advice about practical steps to leave abusive partners.

You'll need to rent or share with someone for a while. Get a new email address and a new mobile phone and a PO Box.
Keep calm at home with him and don't let him know.
Start quietly collecting paperwork. Copies of bank statements etc.

If you buy a new house for yourself while still married, he will own half that house

Have you got a running away pot saved?

Realistically I thknk you're going to have to rent first, in order for him to have no claim on your property.

Agree, new secret smart phone (do all internet searches on this) new secret e-mail address.
If you need to forward documents to solicitors/ mortgage brokers put them on a memory stick and send them from a computer that he can’t do internet history searches from, eg internet cafe etc

Good point

DO NOT BUY A HOME WHILE YOU ARE STILL MARRIED. It will be considered a “marital asset” when it comes to the separation of assets and may alter the percentage of them you get at best, or have your husband getting a part of it as, legally, if bought during the marriage, it will belong to him as well… unless you specified in your marriage contract that the assets/finances stayed separated.

Ps. If you were asking how to buy a house without him knowing the answer is simply, not possible (unless buying abroad) a simple check at the property register will show you are the owner.Unfortunately, the cleanest way to go through this is to start the divorce process and do not add more expensive assets to be divided.