Do some people remain in a Narcissistic relationships forever? My family member is and can’t see it.

[Littlelove9]

I have a family member who to me and others is in a narc relationship. He provides money wise but he does nothing else. She is effectively a single mum. She now has no friends and is very cut off, only goes outside when he is home. They have been together for over 10 years. She is extremely insecure but no one can get to her anymore. She is happy to live like this and says this is all she has ever dreamed of. Do some people just live like this forever?

I can’t any really see any evidence of narcissism

Yes.
Unless she reaches a place of wanting things to change, all you can do is be there and maintain the truth of what you see. Also it's important to remember we are all to some extent damaged and incomplete, so if she's happy it's really not up to you to try and change her.

Provided she's not actually being abused.

She probably doesn't know she's in a narcissistic relationship or that she's being abused. I've been in one for 30 years and didn't realise for 27 of them. Now I do realise, I'm still finding it almost impossible to find the courage to leave it and despair I'll still be here in 30 years time. All you can do is try and be there for her and hope she finally realises what's going on I think.

Thanks. No one can be there for her as she shuts everyone out. Doesn’t want relationships with anyone but him.

I haven’t given any evidence.

She looks happy on social media posts but in real life she suffers terrible anxiety and insecurity. She has just shut the door to everyone.

You said it!

Just sounds like an unhappy sahm purely on basis of what you have said

She confides all this to you? But then also says how very happy she is?

She did and it’s so very obvious. Her closest family have now all fallen out with her over the partner. She can’t say boo without him saying so. She doesn’t leave the house without him.

I’m confused

on the one hand she’s saying to you that she’s leading the life she always dreamed of and how happy she is

but on the other hand she’s confiding In you how anxious, insecure and alone she feels?

She doesn’t leave the house without him? How old are their children? She’s a sahm? How do you ever get to talk to her?

It concerns me that she has withdrawn to such an extent and posts on SM that he is all she needs.

Firstly… SM means squat all.

Secondly you haven’t answered my questions that are somewhat relevant!

Well if she’s openly confiding in you (on the one hand how deliriously happy she is and on the other how awful and lonely she feels) …. She’s not completely cutting herself off!

She loves her narc. He loves her. As long as they’re happy.

I suppose. I can’t see how you can be happy like this. Pushing everyone away and being alone. But if you are then you are.

But you have said she’s confided in you how alone and anxious she is

Everyone is a narc these days

The word they're looking for is abusive or controlling or both

Co dependent maybe?

No I haven’t said she has confided in me. We know she is extremely anxious and insecure. She always has been but it has got worse.

What I have been told by closer family member is that he has told her that people are jealous of her because of what they own so she should keep away from people.

My partner isn’t narcissistic. Genuinely isn’t, I’m not blind to it.

We also have a very limited social circle, because we’re very busy with our child and general life. We do very little without each other, because we get such limited time together I’m not sure why we would.

I can be a very anxious woman, and he is my safe space, so frankly I would rather be at home with him than elsewhere with someone else.

I’ve never been told I’m not allowed a separate social life. I don’t want one. It’s a choice that I willingly make, to spend the little time I do have, with my preferred person.

Some people just prefer their partners company to other people’s, for reasons other than abuse.

So in the past, she’s been anxious and insecure and you’re presuming the same now. Ok.

when was the last time you actually saw her Op? Or actually even spoke to her?

So she opened up about her supposed happiness being fake to this family member?

She’s a sahm… how old are the children?