Shocked and sad at my Son's choice to be with much older woman.

[moderdy]

My 25 year old son has just been here to tell me he is in love with and moving in with a woman in her mid 40's, younger than me by a couple of years.

I don't know what to do or feel about it. He was until recently with a lovely girl his own age, they split up and I now know it was due his feelings for the woman he is now with. She is the widow of one of his fathers friends, a man who passed a few years ago now. His Dad and I have been separated for 20 years now and he has been living with his Dad for the past 7 years. I don't think my son has known her that long just a year or so, they got close when his Dad sent him round to help her with stuff in her house.

I don't think I can do anything about this can I? I just need to let it run it's course, he's an adult of course but I just feel so disappointed and angry at this woman she is 20 years older than him. I just don't think it can last.

I need to go to work now I just needed to write something.

Yes thats mathematics,

Jennifer Saunders is 66 years old, and Helen Mirren is 79 years old…..

Conversely Robert Jenrick is only 43 years old….

Even though I am straight I personally would rather have sex with Jennifer or Helen… especially if the lights are on!

😂😂😂
I wonder why.

Why is it gross?
They're not related, she wasn't a family friend growing up.
You'd have nothing to do with her because her husband happened to die?
Widows should hide away and rot?
He met her because his father knows her, that's how people used to meet, through mutual connections.
I realise that the norm is now swiping left or right and it must seem strange to some people.

He's young enough to want kids and she's old enough not to want them
He's happy so let it alone. You can't make choices for him.

Yes, it's gross that his Dad had a mate who died and now his son is in her pants.

And no, I would not be friendly with a woman my age who was, again, shagging my son, widow or not!

Edit - I'm 53. I have never swiped left or right.

I'm 47, my DP is 29. So a little older than your DS, but the gap is similar. He doesn't want children, and I don't want any more, and maybe your DS isn't sure about kids or has decided against them - my DP found it harder dating women his own age as many did want to have children, so I guess we work, and he doesn't mind more of the stepdad role. His mum is 8 years older than me, I was a bit concerned how she might feel, but she is happy as he is happy. Of course, no-one knows how long any relationship will last, but it would be better to be happy for him regardless, or there's the risk he could pull back a little.

@Onceuponamoonlitnight Tbf, we don’t know whether she was a family friend growing up. The OP and her ex have been separated for 20 years so she could’ve known their son since he was in primary school.

Personally, I’d steer clear of my friends’ adult children and I hope they’d do the same with mine!

My first long-term partner was a good 25 years older than me and we adored each other.. The only reason that the relationship ended was because of an appalling accident that killed him.

Age difference does not always count.

Spot on

Yep agree with this. Fairly shocking TBH.

Oooh you are funny....really

I don't think you're being judgemental, just realistic. Plus it's extremely unlikely he'll be able to have kids with her, so that may be a disappointment.

The flying helmet and the wet celery.

However hard it might be, you absolutely must not show you disapprove. Keep very neutral and non judgemental about it. Anything else and he might stop communicating with you entirely.

@moderdy wonder if your still here?!

Someone has resurrected your thread and saw the title and s*it myself for a minute as it was very similar ages to me and my partner, but it was a year ago he told his mum/family about me.
Thankfully she welcomed me with open arms (and my children) and said she knew he'd end up with someone older.
He has never wanted children but is so very good with mine.
Curious to know if your still here and if you managed to come around and support your son.....not interested to know whether they are still together, thats kind of irrelevant its more about your take on it.
Hope things are all good for you both

He's enjoing the perks. He'll be home soon.

Gosh the (internalized) misogyny on this thread is unbelievable🙄.
BTW Agatha Christie's second marriage with a man 13 years younger lasted way longer (actually 46 years until her death) than her first marriage with a man her age.

When I was 18 an old school friend started dating a man who was 55 so almost a 40 year age gap. We were all baffled by this decision, not in the least because he was bald and fat and just not attractive in any way (we all said if he were George Clooney or something then maybe).

Her mother rejected the relationship entirely, went as far as not speaking to her anymore and at the time I remember supporting her and saying her mum was a bitch etc. Now I’m older and wiser, I can see why her mum felt so angry obviously but I looked her up on SM last year and they’re still together almost 15 years on, married and actually have a child. He’s nearly 70 now and she’s 32!

So I don’t know, sometimes these things work out for whatever reason. I think your DS’s 15ish year age gap isn’t so bad and would be much worse if he was a teen or even early 20s. At his age I’d say he has more idea of what he’s doing and is clearly taken by her. It might fizzle out so I’d just leave it.

Similar for me, I'm 48 while DP is 30, he absolutely does not want kids but is very good with my two teenage DC. We've been together 18 months, at Christmas I met his mum for the first time (she lives far away and made a trip over) and we got on so well. She's 8 years older than me. I'd spoken to her on the phone several times before, and she was happy that he had a good partner who he was happy with, and also thanked me for being there for him when she can't see him herself. She also said he always liked older women 😂 His last relationship ended as she wanted to have kids, so it works for us.

Pleased to hear 😊
14 years between us, best relationship ive ever had (and all mine prior have been long term)

I personally find women who date men young enough to be their son are gross and mentally unstable. It is not normal at all. I find it the same vice versa but for me it’s worse when it’s a woman as we are supposed to have maternal instincts.
Who knows if it will last? Some men want a motherly figure and some women want a man they can nurture.
sorry OP. I feel for you.

He’ll probably move on in a couple of years. It’s often the Mrs Robinson thing - it’ll pass. Just let him get on with it.

I wouldn't be thrilled myself and honestly think that level of age gap is a bit grim but would probably suck it up and tell him it's his choice etc
Not sure I'd be rolling out the red carpet either though .

The thing with this relationship is that this is pure selfishness on the womans part. It’s an ego boost that might last a few years/decade but at some point, they must know, that they are not a forever couple.

Maybe atm he doesn’t appreciate or refuses to acknowledge the implications

As soon as he realises that she won’t be able to give him children and at some point in his life he will entertain the idea of children this relationship is going to end.

Whilst a lot of relationships will break up. They don’t start with the knowledge they will be breaking up.

I have known successful relationships between older women and much younger men. The difference being that all have had children together