How to approach this

[brightblueeyes36]

i could really do with some advice on how to ask my wife if she’s had an abortion ?

Without causing to much upset as I appreciate she must have a reason why she didn’t want to tell me

I think people will need a bit more detail in order to give you advice. Eg Do you think your wife has had an abortion during her marriage to you, or before she met you? Do you have children together? How old are you both? What has led you to think she has had an abortion? Would it be her first, as far as you know? Have you talked about having children/more children? What is your relationship like? Why do you think she might not tell you if she has had an abortion?

Echo the above.

Whats the reasoning behind you asking?

Do you think she had one while she’s been married to you and didn’t tell you about it?
Or before you were together?

If it’s the latter, without sounding like a dick: it’s really nobody’s business but her’s.

Before she met you? If yes then it’s none of your business.

I can understand wanting to know if it's while you were together but... do you really want to know? Is it going to rip a hole in your marriage?

And why do you suspect? If in reality you already know & just want it confirmed, what do you hope to achieve?

If it was before, none of your business.

An abortion is quite an unpleasant experience for a woman both physical and psychological, it's one of those things you simply keep to yourself and don't talk about. If this happened before your marriage then none of your business but if it happened during your marriage there's plenty of reasons why she would keep quiet about it and none of them are good (a few examples: she's planning a separation, she doesn't trust you enough so feels quite vulnerable with said information, she doesn't wants kids but you do etc...)

Why do you think you need to ask her this?

Before or during your relationship?

I’d advise you not to ask.

If it's before she met you, it's nothing to do with you. If it's during then you're within your rights to broach it, but you've not given any detail as to why you suspect this is the case, so hard for us to advise you.