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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this coercive control

10 replies

Tom42 · 05/04/2025 18:27

During my relationship with my ex-wife she isolated me from freinds and family, she encouraged me to work harder so she did not have to work, she coerced me into having sex, she joined my business without me wanting her too, she set rules a few times, and called me names infront of her family. After I seperated from her, but while we still lived together for 8 months, she provided me false figures for the buisness VAT returns, she further isolated me from family members. After we seperated, and after she thought that I had started a new relationship she started to make serious false allegations against me of domestic abuse and child abuse to the Police and Family Court, she took a large amount of money from me and put me into severe dept, my son started to allege to the Police and others that she was physically harming him, she appeared to emotionally abuse him, she stopped me from seeing my children for 9 months, and then witheld child benifit money from me when my son came to live with me for 8 months. She has repeatedly breached our child arrangements order and recently made new false allegations against me to court (within our first hearing last week, the case that she brought was described as being without merit by the Judge).

OP posts:
Theuniversalshere1 · 05/04/2025 18:28

Sounds like fraud falsifying vat returns

BobbyBiscuits · 05/04/2025 18:33

Is she still involved in your business? How did she keep you in the dark about the company's dealings and accounts if you were the director? How did she become involved in the business without your consent?

It sounds awful and I hope you can just continue down the legal route. I'm not sure what you are seeking from us by your post?

Tom42 · 05/04/2025 18:33

@Theuniversalshere1 thank you

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Tom42 · 05/04/2025 18:52

@BobbyBiscuits I became aware that she had provided me with false figures about a year after she left the buisness, when HMRC started in investigation. After she was fired from a job, she asked to join my buisness and I said no a few times, as it would have meant that I had to work a lot harder, she then set up an identical buisness in my officer and repeateldy asked me to teach her how to run it, and then she kind of joined my buisness but I don't remember how tbh. Coercive Control seems quite difficult to have recognised by the Police etc. and I was just wondering if the events I have described looked like Coercive Control?

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Tom42 · 05/04/2025 18:52

@Maitri108 Thank you

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BobbyBiscuits · 05/04/2025 19:42

Tom42 · 05/04/2025 18:52

@BobbyBiscuits I became aware that she had provided me with false figures about a year after she left the buisness, when HMRC started in investigation. After she was fired from a job, she asked to join my buisness and I said no a few times, as it would have meant that I had to work a lot harder, she then set up an identical buisness in my officer and repeateldy asked me to teach her how to run it, and then she kind of joined my buisness but I don't remember how tbh. Coercive Control seems quite difficult to have recognised by the Police etc. and I was just wondering if the events I have described looked like Coercive Control?

I'm not sure about the whole business thing. I don't really see how she could've just taken over without you knowing or being complicit? It feels like you need to take some responsibility. In terms of the company.

But overall she sounds horrible and unpleasant and you're better off apart.

nc43214321 · 05/04/2025 19:50

She sounds awful, defo should have had stronger boundaries from the beginning. The old rose tinted glasses and not seeing the red flags 🚩 hope your okay and will hopefully get your life back on track after court case 🙂

Tom42 · 05/04/2025 20:37

@BobbyBiscuits thank you

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Tom42 · 05/04/2025 20:37

thank you

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