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Original poster

Bf sent me a link to swingers site

15 replies

Pbjsand · 02/04/2025 22:27

Bf of 4yrs in late forties texted to say that he just read an erotic story which turned him on. I asked him to send it to me. He did, and the link to the story was within a swingers website.
I know he has fantasies of swinging (particularly watching me with another man), and I indulge him by going along with his scenarios when we are intimate, but it’s not something I have agreed to or will do in real life and I’ve told him this. I looked at the website and you can sign up and search for other swingers and the tagline intro is that it’s an “online dating and alternative lifestyle site for the adventurous”. So….does this mean he’s on dating sites? Has he crossed the line? Don’t know what to think.

OP posts:
Neveranynamesleft · 02/04/2025 22:29

Crossed which line ? If swinging is his thing then maybe you need to ask if it's for you or not....

Easipeelerie · 02/04/2025 22:31

I think he’s testing the waters to see if he can get you into swinging, He sounds dodgy to me.

Original poster
Pbjsand · 02/04/2025 22:32

Crossed a line in that he’s on a dating site without my knowledge. Possibly signed up. It’s not my thing, but he will pretend that it’s not his thing either snd he was just curious, so I don’t end it.

OP posts:
AltitudeCheck · 02/04/2025 22:35

If he was looking for titillating stories about swinging to get off to then it makes sense he'd end up on a website that is focused on swinging. It sounds like you can read posts / stories without signing up to dating or even making a profile. I read stuff on literotica but I don't participate in the forums or dating parts.

However... if he was looking to meet swingers, date swingers etc he'd also end up on the same websites... so it comes down to whether you trust he was just there for harmless titillation or if you suspect he has overstepped?

Original poster
Pbjsand · 02/04/2025 22:38

@AltitudeCheckthat’s exactly it. Don’t know if he was on there for the stories or looking to meet and date. We broke up last year because I found out he was communicating with women on Tinder (I know, I know 🙈) , so my back is up.

OP posts:
MoonWoman69 · 02/04/2025 22:41

Hmm, it's a tricky one. Knowing that swinging is his fantasy, it's not much of a stretch of the imagination that he's either a) looking for someone to hook up with or b) looking for someone for you both to hook up with.

I think you need to find out why and if he's regularly on this site and what it means for your relationship and you as a couple.

I'm saying this, as I had a friend years ago, who's OH started out with this scenario as a bedroom fantasy, which she was fine with, fantasies are supposed to be just that.
But it then became an obsession with him. Her compliance, going along with it in the bedroom, seemed to give him the green light that she actually wanted to do it! They literally couldn't go for a night out without him trying to engineer something with a stranger and coerce her into fulfilling his "fantasy". It became really stressful and upsetting for her, to the point that she had to break up with him.
Hoping it's not the same for you.
Wishing you luck OP 🌷

Easipeelerie · 02/04/2025 22:43

Pbjsand · 02/04/2025 22:38

@AltitudeCheckthat’s exactly it. Don’t know if he was on there for the stories or looking to meet and date. We broke up last year because I found out he was communicating with women on Tinder (I know, I know 🙈) , so my back is up.

Well there you are then - not a good person.

Mom2K · 02/04/2025 22:52

Pbjsand · 02/04/2025 22:38

@AltitudeCheckthat’s exactly it. Don’t know if he was on there for the stories or looking to meet and date. We broke up last year because I found out he was communicating with women on Tinder (I know, I know 🙈) , so my back is up.

This is an easy one. Dump him. Now.

Should have dumped after catching him on Tinder and frankly I would still do it now no matter how long ago Tinder was. He can't be trusted. Given he has form for this, the assumption should be that he is on these swinging dating sites to find people, and not for the stories. Even if he says the stories are the reason, he will at some point cross the line. It's the type of man he is.

PriscillaQueen · 02/04/2025 23:28

Pbjsand · 02/04/2025 22:38

@AltitudeCheckthat’s exactly it. Don’t know if he was on there for the stories or looking to meet and date. We broke up last year because I found out he was communicating with women on Tinder (I know, I know 🙈) , so my back is up.

This tells you everything you need to know. He’s not monogamous. He’s talked to other women behind your back and if he could get you to do it, you’d both be swinging. If this isn’t for you then I think you need to re-evaluate your future with this individual.

RockyRogue1001 · 02/04/2025 23:37

If it looks like shit, talks like shit, quacks like shit, then it's probably shit!

TomatoSandwiches · 02/04/2025 23:38

You took him back so now he feels comfortable pushing your boundaries again and taking the piss.
He isn't a good one, you know what you need to do.

ChaToilLeam · 02/04/2025 23:38

Throw this one back!

AboogaBooga · 03/04/2025 00:26

Pbjsand · 02/04/2025 22:38

@AltitudeCheckthat’s exactly it. Don’t know if he was on there for the stories or looking to meet and date. We broke up last year because I found out he was communicating with women on Tinder (I know, I know 🙈) , so my back is up.

So make an account and see if you find him on there. I mean, duh?

or dump him because you can’t trust him anyways.

TillyVanilla · 04/10/2025 18:10

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Mollydoggerson · 04/10/2025 18:17

Dump.

He ll be wanking to videos and pictures too. He ll be crossing lines.

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