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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

TW & TMI - Is this SA?

4 replies

FiveFourThreeTwoWon · 16/03/2025 07:54

Trigger Warning

Name changed but regular user.

I've been with DP nearly 10 years. We have 2 DC and a mortgaged home together. Relationship a bit up and down over the years but for the sake of DC I've stayed.

DP is well endowed and knows that he needs to be careful so as not to hurt me. Certain positions are not possible for me. TMI sorry but he can't go too deep.

Our last time having sex was over 6m ago. He really hurt me. Mid sex he went really deep/hard with no warning. It was excruciating. We stopped and he finished by himself.

The next day I spoke to him about it and asked why he did it. He was smiling and very jovial about it saying it makes a man feel good. I asked what he meant and he said something about knowing he was so big makes a man feel good. I explained how it really hurt me and if he was hurting me physically in any other way it wouldn't be acceptable but he just sort of laughed it off.

I feel like he has absolutely no respect for me or my body.

OP posts:
Itisallgoingtobeok · 16/03/2025 07:59

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. Yes, it is SA. He knew you did not consent, but he did it anyway to boost his own ego. His reaction when you raised it with him is all you need to know. Please think about leaving this man. It will likely only get worse.

blcakgaragedoor · 16/03/2025 08:09

I’m really sorry this has happened to you. I think you know yourself this was wrong and his reaction
when you discussed it proves that. Given the ups and downs in the relationship you may well be better off on your own.

category12 · 16/03/2025 08:15

No wonder the last time was 6 months ago.

By his response, he obviously doesn't care about hurting you and took sadistic pleasure in it. You didn't consent to that form of sex.

He sounds like someone to split up from.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 16/03/2025 08:17

Do not remain in such a relationship simply for the supposed sake of the children. They will not say thanks mum to you for doing that to them.

What do you want to teach them about relationships and what are they learning here?. You would not want them to be in such a relationship and it’s not good enough for you either. Better to be on your own than to be so badly accompanied.

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