Using dating apps like porn

[NotQuiteDone]

Heard this from someone in my friend group today - her OH has dating apps on his phone and says he just uses them as visual stimulation for masturbation - essentially using them as porn. He let her look through the apps and he has just been saving down pics and not messaging anyone but - to me - this just seems a bit yuk and not right.

It's not like there are no other sources of pictures of women if he wants to just look and imagine, right? And the women on the app put pictures up to look for a date, not for somebody to wank over without them knowing. I guess they aren't going to know this is happening but that's not the point for me.
Obviously people know if you put your pic out there, then it's out there and you don't really know who is looking and why but it doesn't sit right with me!

Just curious what others think - if it were me, and I was ok with the general concept, I still think I'd be saying to leave the bloody apps alone!

I'd say it seems odd. Why not just use actual porn, where the women are naked and doing sex related activity? I'm presuming the dating apps would mostly be fully clothed or swimwear at a push. I reckon he probably is saying that as an excuse when really his intention is to cheat. He just hasn't done it yet.

What a wanker - literally!

Dating app photos are usually fully clothed, normal photos.

He might as well be knocking one out over peoples holiday photos on FB .

Honestly I swear some men could have a wank over a stray dog if nothing else was available.

And btw I reckon he’s lying to her and his wank fodder is chats and videos with women from dating apps.

I’m going to guess he has dating apps on his phone because he’s cheating, and has come up with this bizarre explanation to cover himself, whatever your friend thinks he has let her see about his supposed lack of messaging.

Beyond that, adults need to understand the same things about the internet which (I hope) they teach their children: once you put information about and photos of yourself on the internet, anyone can do whatever they like with them. Don’t post anything online which you wouldn’t want anyone to see and do whatever they want with, because they can and they will.

Oh pull the other one...
He's taking her for a mug!

No man ( unless very strange ) is going to wank over photos on tinder, hinge , bumble etc. there’s no point when there is an abundance of real porn online.

I suspect he’s using apps like WAX where you join groups , a bit like a WhatsApp group , and explicit photos can be sent within the group. As the app is geared around ENM sex the dating side of it can and often does show explicit photos as well.

you can’t screenshot though.

that said, if he’s in a monogamous relationship, then he shouldn’t be on there anyway!

She saw his folder of saved pics and there were loads of bikini pics - think the app was Bumble, if that makes any difference.

That surprised me too - I don't have experience with dating apps but would think that bikini pics aren't the first thing you'd put up there -as people have said, you'd expect clothed pics where you look nice...but I thought maybe I was just being old!

I do think it's likely he was wondering about making the next move...cheating...but also wondered if it was just adding a layer of "ooh, I could actually meet this women" rather than just looking at someone unattainable.

Not that I was putting bikini pics on FB recently but definitely made me think again about what I would put out there!

Is your friend alright with this?!

It’s a very deliberate blurring of fantasy and potential reality. Wanting to masturbate over engaging in sexual activity with ‘Kate 3 miles down the road’ and then telling your partner about it like it’s totally ordinary? An absolutely entitled, odious specimen of a man.

I think she was gauging our reaction over dinner last night, to be honest, and is not really ok with it. He didn't tell her like it was normal - more like she picked up his phone to check his calendar or something and saw the app in his "recently used" so he got caught and this was his explanation.

I would not be ok with at all in her shoes and said as much but not too harshly 'cause she was just figuring out herself whether and how bad it felt to her. Ugh...won't be able to look him in the eye next time I see him.

Bit odd to select dating apps when there are plenty of Onlyfans woman all over Instagram displaying mild porn.

Unless she is in a non- monogamous relationship why on earth would she want to be with someone who is getting his sexual gratification from other women?

What a disgusting creep.

She must be absolutely desperate if she accepts this as normal in a relationship.

Agree with the majority of the posts, why would you masturbate over pics on dating apps when porn etc is so easily accessed. Sounds more like he’s using that as an excuse for why he’s looking at dating apps

I hope you all gave her your support and told her he's a wanker.

Men definitely do this. Same with facebook, Instagram etc. I assume it's that these are real, local women who they assume they'd be in with a chance with 🙄 and also assume they're 'gagging for it' because they're on a dating app.

It's gross and incredibly disrespectful

Yeah, @Gymbunny2025 this makes sense, I think. The more I think about it, the less I like it (and I did not like it much in the first place!).

I don't think it's fair to say she's desperate @Alwaysbackandforth ! She only just came across this and is coming to grips with where she stands on it.
I also (due in part to my own marriage's murkier elements but also just because!) would be very slow to judge any woman (or man) for staying in a relationship. It's not always easy or possible - whether financially, emotionally, logistically, culturally, psychologically - to just leave or end a relationship so I am all about a listening ear, advice and opinion if asked and support when needed.

A friend met up with a guy on a dating site who was very clearly into this -very practised /approached older women (who presumably he thought would be flattered) requested lots of pics and many of them sent them. He admitted all this to her after they had met up, had sex (she thought she was special) and he made lots of excuses as to why they could only do video sex rather than meeting up again. When she found out he was actually married (no surprise, Sherlock!) he told her they it wasn’t really cheating on his wife as he had no intention of having an actual relationship with any of them… 😡

Honest to God. Nothing surprises me anymore with men and tech. So it could happen as many are gross. However, sounds like he is minimising something that she definitely would consider cheating ...as a somehow less bad scenario.

Less bad to him. To me it's fucking grim. And I'd dump his ass immediately.

Well I assume most women wouldn't even try to " get to grips " with it!
I assume most women would end the relationship straight away.

Agree, totally.

At this stage dating men is not a viable option if as a woman you want happiness, peace, and a life where even the small moments which are separate from your relationship or dating life do not become polluted with the hum of "why did he do this?", "why did he say that?", "is he lying?", and so on.

The best course of action would be for your friend to dump this twat.