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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Emotional manipulation in mediation

4 replies

Yulelogish · 16/12/2024 13:29

Divorcing and in mediation to sort out finances. I've realised there's been a lot of emotional manipulation in my marriage and stbxh is now using it in our mediation sessions. Any suggestions how to deal with this? He's saying he has massive stress and anxiety from the divorce proceedings and his job, and he doesn't know how he is going to afford to live. I've grey rocked over the 18 months, but he's ramped up again now he has an audience. I feel it looks like I'm a heartless bxtch sitting there not reacting while he appears to be falling apart.

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 16/12/2024 13:50

I had similar. But in my case it was the mediator who was taking his side and they were deciding things without my input.

so I withdrew from the process and told him to talk to my solicitor.

the courts just want to know that you have at least tried mediation. You don’t have to stick with it if it isn’t working.

Yulelogish · 16/12/2024 14:38

Thank you. Trying to avoid paying £££ to solicitors when I'm just looking for 50/50. Did you get the outcome you were looking for?

OP posts:
OhBling · 16/12/2024 14:42

Agree that you can pull out if necessary.

But I'd also suggest that you try to be as calm and factual as possible without getting drawn in.

"I'm sorry that he feels stressed, but these are the finances as per our respective disclosures and I porpose x and y."

DarkAether · 16/12/2024 14:46

Yulelogish · 16/12/2024 13:29

Divorcing and in mediation to sort out finances. I've realised there's been a lot of emotional manipulation in my marriage and stbxh is now using it in our mediation sessions. Any suggestions how to deal with this? He's saying he has massive stress and anxiety from the divorce proceedings and his job, and he doesn't know how he is going to afford to live. I've grey rocked over the 18 months, but he's ramped up again now he has an audience. I feel it looks like I'm a heartless bxtch sitting there not reacting while he appears to be falling apart.

but if he is correct about how he feels even if you dont believe him, and or he may be making it up, its still showing from his part hes making an effort with the mediation, sessions .

plus is it possible he really does feel those feelings ?

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