Hi everyone.
I am 28 and have been with my partner (30) for 2.5 years. We live in his flat which is currently up for sale as we were looking to buy a place together.
Admittedly, our relationship began quite quickly after my previous one (8 years with my ex, found out he cheated, had to sell the house we had together).
The relationship started well. He made me feel worthy and we had lots of fun, which was a great distraction from the darkness going on in my head at the time. He helped me through a lot emotionally and stood by my side throughout everything I suffered.
However, as the relationship took it's course, I noticed that it became like a roller coaster (up and down and never steady).
I feel that he can be incredibly stubborn and at times hot headed.
I am staying at my parents this week dog sitting, and was due to pick him up this evening from an event he is attending. This morning I called and asked what time the event finished, so that I knew when to leave so that I could pick him up. He was then due to stay at my parents with me (it has been a very lonely week). He became snappy (huffing) and said something along the lines of "I don't know - you always ask silly questions - this isnt 120 questions"
I responded by telling him not to talk to me that way (with that tone) and reminded him that me picking him up was me doing him a favour. He then responded with something along the lines of "fine, don't pick me up and I won't come to stay - how about that?"
The argument just estated from there. I told him how hurt I get by his tone of voice and the way he speaks to me and that I feel I am owed an apology. To which he says "you snapped at me back, so you're no better off". He then said that he apologises for the "part he had to play" in the situation.
I questioned him asking which part I possibly had to play? I shared with him that I feel sad that he never seems to take full accountability and twists things so that I end up apologising. Then he deflects with "everything can't always be my fault"
I was at work by this point (I am a teacher) and grew incredibly frustrated with him on the phone. He said that I just want someone to apologise when I click my fingers and that if that's what I want then maybe he isn't the man for me.
I read this as him basically telling me "I am not going to change or take accountability for my actions, so like it or lump it." To which I said that I couldn't do this anymore and that it is over.
I know this isn't right on my part, but I say this to him a lot because I feel boxed into a corner with nowhere to go. I so desperately want him to change and want this to work. Even though our relationship can be so toxic, I still love him more than anything and can't see life without him.
... I know this says a lot about me. And if it were a friend, I would advise them to leave. It really isn't easy - I've been heartbroken before and it took me so long to rebuild life again with this person, I don't know what I would do if I were back to square one on my own again.
He has gone to his event and we have not spoken since. I am not picking him up and he is not staying at my parents. I just don't know where to go from here.
I'm so scared to lose him, but do not want to lose myself in the process of being with him.