Will narcissistic type people only make an effort with people if they have a use to them?

[Happyfarm]

I’m sure I have one in my life. I’m pretty sure I am being totally ignored by them. To me it seems that they keep people in their life that they get things from.

Getting ignored is a good thing as they can sense that you won’t feed them maybe?

if they behave like a twat, distance yourself

don’t waste time navel gazing about whether you can give a label to their thoughtless behaviours

I have distanced myself physically and working on emotionally.

for a start…. stop trying to dignify their behaviour with a label

they behave like a thoughtless twat. The end

The craziness is that they behave like a thoughtless twat to only select people. To others they are the total opposite.

not least bit surprising

they are thoughtless twats to some and not to others.

and they may have other ways of being unpleasant to the ones you think have it good

Yes, a real narcissist will surround themselves with people they can use or manipulate to their advantage and will be dismissive of those they deem less than

So if you are ignored by one they actually believe that you are less than them?

In my own situation I feel that if they like you then it really means something as they only like particular people.

Yup. Got a situationship that's definitely a narcissist. Good for a bit then 'needs space' (translation..I've got a new girl but won't admit it). Then the breadcrumbs, stonewall and gaslight start. Rinse and repeat. Trying to cut him out but it's hard

@Happyfarm

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/communication-success/201608/8-common-narcissist-lies

I wonder if those that have a higher self esteem they are scared of so they instantly don’t like them.

again you’re navel gazing

stop giving them brain space

Probably. I just don’t understand why some people are treated so well and others like myself ignored.

i suppose they simply care more about some more than others. Or at least care more what some think of them more than others.

I hope that you don’t try to instigate contact with anyone who ignores you op. They are ignoring you for a reason. And if they wish to instigate contact, you ignore.

life’s too short

To those saying just ignore or cut them off it’s not always that easy, especially if a family member or someone unavoidable. I have a narcissistic parent and they simply won’t let me cut them out. They are hot, cold, bombard with texts, messages on all platforms, send old photos looking for reactions. I’ve not seen them since May (most relaxed, drama free summer of my life!) and I’m in their sights once more because they’ve realised how long it’s been…

The ignore for various reasons.

For example to deliberately show you they see you as beneath them. Eg: the snobby narcissist at a party who ignores those not dressed in designer clothes. Or the hot narcissist who ignores 'ugly' people.

They also ignore people they've previously been close to (eg, current partners) as a form of punishment. Usually when you've failed to kiss their ass in some way they think to punish you for it.

They don't have a problem with people with high self esteem imo. Narcissists often have fellow narcissist friends for example.

But they do not like being told no. Or people who call them out on their bs.

Ah ok it could be any number of reasons in their head they could be ignoring for. Whatever standard they base their importance on. They are so very judgmental.

I get the impression that this person (sorry it is my MIL, I know lots have MiL issues) thinks I am beneath her somehow. She gives approval to some and not others, I’ve no idea what she bases her approval on. It hasn’t made me feel good. She ignores our daughter also, her granddaughter. I think she may have an issue with me being previously married. Her son doesn’t so I’m not sure what her issue is but I’m definitely not good enough to be part of the pack!

surely you just block?

your partner needs to get involved
and fast
its shit that he allows his mother to make you feel like this

If she knew you’d started this thread and had spent the day responding and thinking about her and her personality

she would be SO happy

you have to let this go op

I think about it because I worry really about my kids and how this will affect them. They will soon start to realise they are treated differently and all because of whatever issue the mum has with me. I class myself as a good person, not perfect but decent enough to get on with people.

I had one friend like that. Only interested in people if they could gain some sort of credibility, partake in something beneficial or gain financially. Otherwise they would just brand people losers and saddos unworthy of their friendship. Of course I stopped contact.

Talk with your children about bullying. About how to recognise nasty people. About staying away from bullies. About kindness and compassion but also about having it for themselves. Not staying with 'friends' who bully others. Choosing to be with people who make us better people.

Revisit this conversation often.

Tell them you are always there for them if they need to chat.

If their mother does something that upsets them, do not make excuses for her. Simply 'I'm sorry she did that, I underatand why you are upset. Im always here if you need to talk'. Don't demonise her, but always valadate their feelings. They have every right to be hurt by hurtful behaviour.

Thanks. At the moment they are uneasy around them. The little one turns her head and won’t say goodbye or give a kiss. I think they must be able to sense the fact that there isn’t really a relationship as they spend no time with them. She thinks it’s me but I have said nothing it’s just the consequence of not seeing them. MIL won’t even let me take a picture of them with her. She turns her head, it odd.