Does this mean DH is messaging a woman on Instagram?

[grace989]

On husbands lock screen on iPhone it shows stacked widgets for all sorts of apps there was Instagram widget and it shows insta profile pic of woman and says 'message...' and her name. Does this mean that he has been direct messaging her and it's the algorithm picking this up? Or could it be just a random suggestion? Am I being paranoid or not?..

I get unsolicited direct messages from bots and porn profiles frequently. Could be that.

Would it be an inherently bad thing for him to be messaging a woman though? Could be someone he knows. Could be someone whose account is about a shared interest - gym, cooking, whatever. Could be that he’s a reply-guy, in which case he is gross but doesn’t have a hope of cheating with this woman!

He goes paddle boarding and it's a woman that goes. I just thought it was odd as I know with fb widgets it shows you things you are already interacting with. I just don't know why he would need to be instagramming messaging her. Just feels a bit weird. Maybe I'm overreacting though.

If it says message it means she’s sent him a message.

I'm not particularly familiar with Instagram but I would have assumed she has sent him a message.
I would also say that if your instincts feel there is something weird about this then I would listen to them.
Have you met this woman ? Does he talk about her a lot?

It said 'send Helen a message' and her insta profile pic

Never met her no...I have Facebook and my brother and I send memes loads and sometimes I get a fb widget saying send Mathew a message. It's almost like it's the algorithm wanting you to interact with the social media app

You can just press the widget and send a message straight away...

It means that's an action he's had with her before on that app and it's asking if he wants to do it again. Shortcut practically

Or a widget for social media might say 'Sarah added a photo' or something like that to make you press on it. But this one said 'send ..a message'..

@Cas112
Yes! this is exactly what I mean... dos it means he is direct messaging her....

I would think so but could it possibly be something innocent relating to the hobby or something?

Pretty sure it says that if she's just joined insta and it's picked up she's a contact.

As a previous poster says though, it means nothing. People of opposite genders can have conversations without their intimate areas becoming entwined...

Click on it. It will then bring up a message thread with her (which you obviously wouldn't type on as you don't wish to send her a message) BUT it will show any & all previous messages to & from her

Why don’t you ask him if he’s messaging her and why?

Do people actually live in relationships where the very prospect of their partner conversing with another woman (over a shared hobby!) sends them into a tailspin?? To the extent that they’d confront them, or snoop on their phone?

Yes, I know men cheat. I’ve been cheated on. But I’d never be in a relationship again if I couldn’t handle my man having contact with other women.

Well it very much depends on what is going on in the relationship doesn't it?

Of course if everything is fine in the relationship and the person is open with his partner about messaging women about his hobby then no problem.

But if there are other things at play - changes in behaviour, history of cheating or inappropriate behaviour , and of course secrecy about the messaging etc - then of course this could be problematic in the relationship.

Only OP knows what's going on in her relationship and if she is finding it feels weird that her partner is messaging this woman then she would be silly just to dismiss her instincts

'Oooooh look at me'

If people are happy to live like that crack on. It wouldn’t be for me but I don’t think that makes me better!

I doubt whether anyone's " happy " to live like that.
But if the alternative is being blindsided and made a fool of then sometimes people have to follow their instincts and not take everything at face value.

Is he allowed to message female friends?

But context is everything, isn't it?

Maybe OP knows he's got a massive boner for Helen, because he mumbles her name in his sleep. Maybe they are working on their relationship after the string of affairs with female paddle boarders he had last year. Maybe Helen is a vile racist or something other type of person she would hate to see him associate with; maybe she is the OP's sworn enemy and got her sacked from a job.....

If all was well in their relationship and Helen was just a nice paddle-boarding pal of his, messaging with some paddle-board chat, I doubt OP would be worrying...

I admittedly do have a problem with jealousy, but it's one I am committed to working on. There are nonetheless women who, because of who they are or the nature of our past interactions with them, I would consider it valid to object if I found my partner messaging them. There are men I wouldn't message for the same reasons - because they would try to cross lines with me if I did. Helen may be one of those......

Why Instagram and not WhatsApp what age are they?

I would take up paddle-boarding pdq!
I’ll put my tin hat on and say H has never had female friends (colleagues yes) He’d hate me to have male friends (colleagues yes). Perhaps we are just old fashioned or just irrationally jealous but messaging other women (or men in my case) would be such a big no in our relationship - just for context we’ve been married donkey’s years, always have access to each others phones, always shared a bed and never had the kids in bed with us unless it’s a Sunday morning - we get up early all the other days due to work/kids hobbies. Don’t shoot me it works for us.

Why don't you just ask him?

What does that mean? Instagram messaging is a normal thing for all ages isn't it?

I dont have an iPhone so don't know what widgets mean but out of interest I googled why Instagram would suggest sending a mesaage as I've never had that and there are lots of results explaining how their algorithms work. Have you done that @grace989