Partner moved himself in WITHOUT my say so

[Girlgamer]

So my partner moved himself in last night… he literally walked in with his bags packed and said he’s moving in. Made himself at home. I was shocked, because we’d not had the conversation yet about him moving in. He just invited himself in. He used to live at his parents. He’s moved into my own house/mortgaged and said he is happy to split the bills and pay his way. What do I do? Because I’m not sure I feel ready for him to move in, and I’m shocked that he’s just come on his own, saying it is a “surprise” for me…

"I've been thinking about you moving in. In not ready for that yet. I've packed your things"

If that's a deal breaker for him, you don't want to be in thia relationship. Actually you don't want to be with this man anyway.

Absolutely this!!!

And @Deserthog is right too!

Total lack of respect for YOU.

Definitely a cocklodger in the making.

Clearly doesn't give a shite about your wants or needs and doesn't think huge things like this warrant a DISCUSSION and INVITATION!

Throw the whole man in the bin. No exaggeration and no joke.

Yes! We can call that part of MN “The CockLodge” where all the cocklodger threads are housed 😄

but seriously. It is a combination of entitlement that would put me right off. Is he often controlling/ overbearing, @Girlgamer ?

You're "a bit worried asking him to leave will end the relationship"?

I'd be ending it anyway! He's just walked all over you. I can understand your shock at the time, but really - as soon as you get home, tell him to go back to his parents' house. TELL. DON'T ASK.

Any reluctance on his part to leave, definitely end the relationship.

He is attempting to steamroller you and relying on you being unable to turf him out. Prove him wrong

I think it's a bit early for cuffing season!

Christ on a bike, wtf have I just read. Sometimes when you think you have read it all on here, bam, comes a thread like this one. Op, get a backbone and send him packing jeeez!

Don’t hang about thinking about it. Pack his stuff up and leave his bags on the doorstep. Double lock the door and switch off your phone.

That's a relationship ender for me

He's counting on you being too 'surprised' and 'polite' to show him the door.

Moving in together when you're not ready makes it so much harder to end a relationship, even a bad one.

I'd tell him to go back to his parents, you didn't agree to living together and you don't want to right now. Better yet, pack his things up and drop them off at his parents and text him you've done so while he's at work. Hope he doesn't have a key!

My first thought is that his parents have kicked him out. How old is he and why he still living at his parents ? It’s not on OP, but then you know that. If you own the house and are the sole mortgage payer he may be hoping to muscle in on that. I’d kick him straight back to his parents.

I've been thinking about how you thought it was ok to just move into my house without even a conversation. It has just reinforced for me that I don't want to live with you yet, especially now and I need some time to think about the relationship as a whole

dont be a pushover - send him home!!!

giant red flag there!! get him sent back to mummys!

Text him the above, pack his things.

That level of cheeky fuckery is one of the most stunning I've read on here.

I'd tell him my husband would be home from his lengthy prison sentence soon and he'd be upset to discover him in the marital home.

I think you need to act fast and confront this head on. If you don’t then it will get more difficult as time moves on. It will also set you both up for a very bad dynamic going forward because it appears he currently thinks he doesn’t have to take your needs into account at all.

No no no... who does he think he is? You don't just get to move into someone else's place. Have a brisk conversation about boundaries and how he has crossed yours.

No no no, he's trying to railroad you into something for his benefit. Put his bags back outside while he's at work.

That would end the relationship for me tbh because the next thing you know he'll be trying to claim on your house. Not only has he crossed (unspoken) boundaries it's bloody cheeky and beyond inappropriate. This is going to end badly. You need to nip this in the bud ASAP and get rid of him.

Bin him off.

Thanks all, I was really shocked and quite disappointed how he just showed up out the blue with his stuff. I haven’t asked him to move back yet cos I’m just a bit taken back and a bit worried asking him to leave will end the relationship
Stop being so wet and stand up for yourself.

He can move straight back out WITH your say so.What a bloody cheek!

OP it should be a relationship ender. He’s trampling all over you and taking it for granted that he can just move in on spec, without any prior agreement, financial discussions or boundaries set. If he’ll do that, what else is he planning ? I don’t think you need to think about what you’re going to say to him when he gets home from work. His bags on the doorstep say it all !!

Stop being so wet and stand up for yourself.

Not everyone can. You know nothing about this tosser except that he has moved himself in.
I think whether she is too 'gentle', overshadowed or scared OP needs someone with her.

Yep, I favour the police the second he gets arsey when she asks him to leave !!

How is that even possible?
End "partnership", Police.
🤯