Partner moved himself in WITHOUT my say so

[Girlgamer]

So my partner moved himself in last night… he literally walked in with his bags packed and said he’s moving in. Made himself at home. I was shocked, because we’d not had the conversation yet about him moving in. He just invited himself in. He used to live at his parents. He’s moved into my own house/mortgaged and said he is happy to split the bills and pay his way. What do I do? Because I’m not sure I feel ready for him to move in, and I’m shocked that he’s just come on his own, saying it is a “surprise” for me…

No no no. This is not a good sign.

Your house, your decision!

Tell him to leave but be prepared for it to get messy.

Must add, although he says he has gone and the relationship is over, for him it probably isn't.
Be aware he will still try to manipulate you in to restarting the relationship.
Be prepared to avoid him otherwise you will slide into a relationship that will take up your resources and energy.
Speaking from experience here x

This happend to me. My bf of a couple months asked if he could stay while he found another place.. 3 years later I insisted he left. He went to solicitor who said because he had contributed I couldn't just throw him out. ... luckily everything was in my name via direct debit and he gave me cash. No evidence no crime... off he went.

@Girlgamer i know it’s only been a few days but am curious , has he been in touch?

This says you can't read...

Girlgamer · 29/07/2024 18:00
For context, he is 29 (almost 30) years old. We’ve exchanged a few texts and a call today and he has said he’ll be giving up on the relationship if he has to leave. I said I’m happy for us to continue dating, talk about things, and he can stop over the odd night like he’s currently been doing. But he said he’s had enough of stopping over and he’s ready to move in and if I’m not ready, then it’s done for him. Regardless I will be asking him to leave tonight as I am not ready at all to share my space.

You will be feeling awful just now, but he’s
done you a favour! Nothing should happen in a relationship until you’re ready, and any decent partner will respect that. X

This.

Grieve for the relationship that you thought you could look forward to.

Grieve for the future with him that you now will never have. (Would never have had had you let him stay.)

Allow yourself some tears as you destroy any prospect of his return and you will thank yourself.

There is something called the HOOVER when someone who wanted to use you but got thwarted, makes a return appearance and bends over backwards to charm the arse off you. Then, the minute they've got you where they want you, they're 10 times worse than they ever were.

Think of it from his point of view: lovely lady with lovely home and the ability to make life sweet is just what he wants. He thinks that you were his for the taking.

Of course he's going to come back. It's like walking past a gold ingot and leaving it for someone else to claim.

You are golden so take special care of yourself.

Jesus, the audacity! Tell him to pack up and move back out!

This!

It's a huge Red flag. I'd be questioning the whole relationship. That's a huge overstep and little hint of what's to come. Ideal for him if you own your own home. You didn't say what his situation is but he could easily become your cock lodger. He has not taken your wishes into consideration at all.

Sorry, quoted the wrong post. Have asked for my previous post to be taken down.

This exact story just popped up on Bored Panda 🐼. Kinda crazy how these threads are farmed.

Give HIM** a surprise. Tell him to repack his bags and do one. He's absolutely out of order moving in without asking.

Haven't you noticed, he's already gone?!

The fact that he dressed this up as a "surprise " for you shows either a level of manipulation, in order to make it difficult for you to refuse this "gift" or an inflated level of self worth that far exceeds his regard for you and your opinions, views and input, especially in important decisions. I would seriously question whether this is what you want in a partner, your home and life.

OP, I know it must be very upsetting to have the relationship end, but that's just the neurons in your brain experiencing withdrawal. Attachment is part hormonal and part habit.

Without that attachment, you would see this bloke for the canyon-sized twat that he really is. I simply cannot believe he barged in on you like that and told you that you were now living together. Who DOES that? It's so tone-deaf it would be funny were it not so disturbing.

That is just all kinds of wrong. I don't even know where to start. Here's a word jumble from my brain about this:

Respect/boundaries/abuse/power/control/social skills/user/money/space/threaten/tantrum/consent

Jesus. You dodged a BULLET.

Do NOT take him back. He's not normal. And he ended the relationship because you wouldn't let him live with you WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT?

I actually wouldn't feel safe until I'd changed the locks. You can get your key back but he could have copied it.

Christ alive. I cannot believe that people like this exist.

Wow. So he didn't really want you for you...just wanted a nice comfortable home set up, presumably with sex on tap and you washing his smalls and paying all the bills, whereupon at some point he'll try to stake a claim on what you own and have built up yourself. You are well shot of that freeloader. Yuck. A total manipulator and cocklodger for sure. Bet mummy and daddy are so proud!

Throw him out sounds like a control freak. Change locks get another partner. Definitely repack his bags put them outside and wave bye bye. There is no way I would allow this. He sounds creepy - get rid.

I didn't see the updated post but for the OP's sake, I'm very glad he's out.

That "surprise" of his was wrong on so many levels.

It's going to hurt, but he's shown his true colours. You've done the right thing.
I do wonder if this came about due to him having a massive fall out with his parents.....had nowhere else to go, hence the cruel ultimatum he gave you. Stay strong. Some other poor soul will have to deal with it if he ever finds someone! ;) xx

He's got a brass neck. Also, don't forget to tell him that he has a brass neck, before telling him [not asking him] to leave.

FFS why won't people take a few seconds to read all the OP's posts before they reply?
🙄

It's terrible isn't it I can't believe this thread is still going!

Please come back and update us op before the thread is

Locked