Partner moved himself in WITHOUT my say so

[Girlgamer]

So my partner moved himself in last night… he literally walked in with his bags packed and said he’s moving in. Made himself at home. I was shocked, because we’d not had the conversation yet about him moving in. He just invited himself in. He used to live at his parents. He’s moved into my own house/mortgaged and said he is happy to split the bills and pay his way. What do I do? Because I’m not sure I feel ready for him to move in, and I’m shocked that he’s just come on his own, saying it is a “surprise” for me…

Ask him to leave, explaining you are not ready to make this step.

Tell him to move out again, too much of a surprise, and to wait until he's asked (if ever).

I don’t think you need to search very far for the answer to this!

At the risk of over-reacting this would make me question the relationship - how could he read it so wrong and what part of all this is acceptable.

Total lack of respect for you and your home.

Erm ... ask him to leave and if he won't change the locks when he goes to work and put his stuff outside and then ditch him.

Christ on a bike - the nerve of him!

You've got to tell him (ASAP) that he needs to go back to his parents.

And dump him - this bloke's a loser.

He needs to move straight back out again. Complete lack of respect. Likely nothing to do with being desperate to live with you and much more about being fed up of where he has been until now.

Just pack his stuff back i to those same bags and put them and him in the other side of your front door.

That's not an equal relationship, he sees you, at least in part, as a convenience, or is jealous of your independence and feels entitled to it

Say no!

He's not a partner.
He's a freeloader.

There's so many cocklodgers on MN they need their own section!

Careful if he stays a while and contributes financially he might legally own part of your equity at some point.

I would take it as an early indication that his communication and decision making are not very partnership oriented!

this You've got to tell him (ASAP) that he needs to go back to his parents.

And dump him - this bloke's a loser.

Tell him to leave, and that you'll have a conversation about it once that's done.

How long has he been your partner for?

You’ve got yourself a hobosexual there.

tell him to leave and dump him on his way out

Do you think something has happened to cause this? How does he get on with his parents? Could they have asked him to move out? Whatever, it's NOT his decision to make. Pack his bags and tell him you haven't agreed to this. His response will tell you everything.

Absolutely tell him to leave. Then end things. This is shocking behaviour

Quite. Excellent word BTW.

Boundaries OP, boundaries. He's trampling them, you need them. Off he fucks.

I am being absolutely serious when I say this - I would tell him to leave and break up with him.

(and thank my lucky stars that this came about to show me how little respect he has for me and my home. Decided himself indeed! Total arseswipe)

Did his parents kick him out?
Not on, I'd tell him to move his stuff out

Tell him to do one.

Has no respect for your boundaries, your spaces, your wishes and feelings.

What an absolute fucktard.

LTB

Pick up his bags and put them outside and say “Thank you for playing “Cocklodger Dodgems” - I win.