Partner moved himself in WITHOUT my say so

[Girlgamer]

So my partner moved himself in last night… he literally walked in with his bags packed and said he’s moving in. Made himself at home. I was shocked, because we’d not had the conversation yet about him moving in. He just invited himself in. He used to live at his parents. He’s moved into my own house/mortgaged and said he is happy to split the bills and pay his way. What do I do? Because I’m not sure I feel ready for him to move in, and I’m shocked that he’s just come on his own, saying it is a “surprise” for me…

Has he unpacked yet? Because I would be packing up all his stuff and having it ready for him to take back to his parents. Or I would drop it off and text him to say that’s where it all is. How bloody dare he?

He literally thinks you'll moan less about picking up his shitstained pants than his mum does.

That's why he's here.

DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE TOLD IT'S BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU.

Men who love women in a grown up way would never

So, he's a selfish wanker, who trampled all over your boundaries? Get him the fuck out. He is showing you who he is, and you should pay attention.

Surely the time to say something wa there and then and along the lines of ' what on earth are you on about'
I do t get how he's your boyfriend but you were so shocked youu couldn't open your gob and say ' I don't think so matey'

@Girlgamer

and a bit worried asking him to leave will end the relationship.

It bloody well should! He is a total prick. Please don't piss us all off by whining. Just get rid. NOW.

Bet you anything he’s been kicked out by his parents. Probably for not paying his way or showing any respect.

There was a thread on here recently about a man who moved into the poster’s home and immediately denied ever offering to pay his share of bills.

Chuck him.

He needs a new mummy whilst the dust settles. Don't fall for it.

I am wondering that, but you never know...

AS @DownThePubWithStevieNicks says, OP. Go and read that thread where the poster is having to extricate herself from a relationship with a man who moved in saying he'd pay half of everything, denied saying any of it and has been living without paying a penny ever since.

This guy only moves in WHEN YOU SAY SO. Not because he's tired of Mummy telling him to keep the noise down.

Sure he did.

Tell him to move back out.

Do you even need to ask?

Why would you even want to look at him after this? Honestly.

Unfortunately even if I'd wanted him to move in, this would be enough to change my mind and tell him no. He has told you very clearly that he sees his wants and needs as priority and that he will do as he chooses and you will fit in. He is taking you hugely for granted, not giving you a voice or a choice in your own relationship and acting as though he is entitled to treat what's yours as his. This is a very poor indication of how he would behave as a life partner.

This is it. Nothing lie or less.
Act swiftly OP, the cocklodger radar detector is off the scale here!

Big girl pants on and put your foot down with a firm hand (and other such cliches) ...

Tell him to move back out again.

Yeah, I'm starting to wonder. Just really hard to imagine this actually happening!

Do you have a car? Or an available friend with a car? I think the best thing to do is simply drive his stuff back to his parents now, and text him to say you have done so.

I wouldn't be surprised if you turn up there with his stuff and they tell you they have thrown him out, but wither way, his stuff stays there.

This isn't only red flags for cocklodger (and that ONLY is doing a massive amount of understatement, as it is) this is also red bunting for an abuser.

You need to get him out of there and sever all ties while you're at it. He is an abuser. This is abusive behaviour. He is acting as though your life and your property is at his disposal. This is what abusers do.

It's only going to get worse from here.

I don't think I've ever hoped someone was trolling more.

Mrs Terry said it best: « off he fucks » (delivered in a light, cheery tone)

I mean his behavior is quite comical. It can only be met with an amused « no ».

Don’t worry whether you showing him the door will end the relationship. You don’t need a relationship with this type of person!

Also don’t let others call you a doormat. You’ve been caught off guard and need a few hours to gird your loins with the correct reaction. Best of luck when he gets home

Accept this and you’ll be setting yourself up for misery op. If telling him no one moves in with you without discussing and agreeing it, it’s a huge concern that he didn’t think he needed to ask and he needs to move straight back out is a relationship ender then that’s for the best really!!

Oops I mean best of luck when he gets « home »

Big red flag here. He hasn't bothered to discuss it with you or ask, and does it in a way that makes it hard for you to say no. What's the next thing that he will strong arm you in to? Giving him money, having a baby? That might seem like a stretch but it's worrying that he apparently has so little respect for you, and you eel unable to impose boundaries and say no to him. If the relationship ends because you stand your ground, then you know you dodged a bullet.

Relationship aside (and you do not want one with him) are you afraid to tell him to leave?
Do you need someone there with you?
If he thinks he can just move into your house, what else does he think he can do?
He has to go today. He cannot leave anything there.
I do not want to insult you, but I think you cannot handle this alone.