Partner moved himself in WITHOUT my say so

[Girlgamer]

So my partner moved himself in last night… he literally walked in with his bags packed and said he’s moving in. Made himself at home. I was shocked, because we’d not had the conversation yet about him moving in. He just invited himself in. He used to live at his parents. He’s moved into my own house/mortgaged and said he is happy to split the bills and pay his way. What do I do? Because I’m not sure I feel ready for him to move in, and I’m shocked that he’s just come on his own, saying it is a “surprise” for me…

He's showing you that your opinion doesn't matter - he makes the decisions and you're expected to go along with them. Your boundaries don't matter. He sees his moving in as a massive prize that you are expected to be grateful for. He's even "happy to split the bills" - which is big of him.
If it were me, he'd be immediately dumped.

What they said. It’s not clear why you didn’t tell him no he bloody isn’t.

I would also (pause dating?) and do some work on your boundaries, self esteem, self confidence and assertiveness.

The fact you had to ask the internet if this is OK is not OK!

I mean this with compassion - truly.

And you said…….?

This is outrageous! I don't think I could stay in a relationship with someone like this. At the very least I'd ask him to move out.

He'll be treating like the family home next and you'll be mummy!

that he’s just come on his own, saying it is a “surprise” for me…

Tell him you've got one for him and throw him and his bags out the door.

It’s a no from me.
In the bin with him OP.

Complete lack of respect. Probably stropped off from his parents because they asked him to tidy up after himself or pay rent.

As per PP, it’s great you found out so early on what an arse he is. Pack his stuff while he’s out. Drop it off at his parents. Text him to tell him. Sigh

💐onwards

What did he say after you had told him no?

You would an absolute FOOL if you allow him to stay, and an even bigger one if you don't break up with him immediately. How dare he do this? This shows exactly how little he respects you. If you don't take immediate action and kick him out, there is no hope for you.

@Girlgamer absolutely tell him that you are not on the same page here. He needs to go back to his parents or wherever else today

this is a HUGE red flag, nobody does this! Nobody who isn’t up to something or trying to manipulate and control you.

You could say to him, you’ve thought about him moving in and youre just not ready for this. Its too soon and you would like him to leave. Say hes got 24 hours (he can go back to parents). If he refuses either pack his stuff for him or ask someone to be with you when the 24 hrs is up. Do not give him a key to any door and do not leave keys lying Round that he can take copies of. Are you ok op?

Thanks all, I was really shocked and quite disappointed how he just showed up out the blue with his stuff. I haven’t asked him to move back yet cos I’m just a bit taken back and a bit worried asking him to leave will end the relationship. But I’m really unsure if I even want him here, I like my own space. He’s currently at work so I have time to think about what I’ll say to him when he’s back.

That is a very large, very bright red flag.
He hasn’t moved in, because you haven’t invited him to. He’s just turned up with his stuff.
It would be a dumping offence for me, but if you really don’t want to break up, tell him no he can’t move in. His reaction will tell you all you need to know.

🤣🤣🤣

You tell him that this is not his decision to make, and the fact that he thought it was shows that his communication and life skills need some work so you are rethinking the relationship.

Why in god’s name would you want to continue in a relationship with someone who tramples on boundaries like this? It’s a huge sign of who he is. He needs to go. For good.

How long have you been together?

You are worried that asking him to leave will end the relationship?

What sort of relationship do you want - one where he rides roughshod all over you, treats you like a doormat, and does what he likes without even talking to you about it first?

The entitlement and audacity of that would be enough for me. Honestly send him back to his parents and move on!

Oh come on OP, you just stand there watching while someone moves in to your home? Surely you say "Eh, what do you think you're doing?" or similar. You don't just watch mutely like you have no say in the matter.

Tell him you have no idea why he feels he has the right just to turn up and move in. You are absolutely not agreeing to any such move so he needs to move himself and his stuff back to where they came from..

This is terrible - that he's not only moved himself, but put you in a position of fear like it's make or break if you don't suck it up! That's absolutely not the way for any relationship to run. There needs to be communication, not one person upping the ante massively and selfishly so the pressure is on the other to put up with it or it's over. Just no. Push that fear aside and dial things right back down. It's your home. This is not how couples decide to move in together. By doing this, he's demonstrated he's not ready for a mature relationship living together, and you both need to go back to how things were before this came out of the blue. There is absolutely no reason for you to be fearful and put up with this. Stand your ground or you won't have any ground left.

I’m just a bit taken back and a bit worried asking him to leave will end the relationship

You should WANT the relationship to end. Him doing this shows you exactly what kind of man he is and how little he cares about you as a person.

Pack his shit up and leave it on the doorstep!

Fucking hell the nerve!

Did he have a fight with his parents, or did something happen that he doesnt want to talk about? Very odd to suddenly impose himself on you like that.