Partner moved himself in WITHOUT my say so

[Girlgamer]

So my partner moved himself in last night… he literally walked in with his bags packed and said he’s moving in. Made himself at home. I was shocked, because we’d not had the conversation yet about him moving in. He just invited himself in. He used to live at his parents. He’s moved into my own house/mortgaged and said he is happy to split the bills and pay his way. What do I do? Because I’m not sure I feel ready for him to move in, and I’m shocked that he’s just come on his own, saying it is a “surprise” for me…

Tbf I think if you had continued to date him, you would have further processed things over the next few weeks and things just wouldnt have sat right with you so you would have dumped him anyway.

I mean, you can't trust someone like him. He's sly and icy af. And you'd be nervous moving forwards always looking out for the next lot of bs from him.

So don't feel bad that he's left even though you were considering continuing the relationship. You wouldn't have, ultimately. And this way, he thinks he's decided it so hopefully he'll be more likely not to retaliate for his perceived slight of being told 'no'.

You don't ask people like this to leave.
You TELL them.* *

your money and house mattered more to him than you.

It's a blessing that the relationship is ended. If he had accepted the idea of moving out but continuing to date the outcome would have been worse either way - he would have continued to push your boundaries and try to exert control until you either gave in and submitted (terrible for you) or got fed up and ended it (putting you in same position as now but x months older, ££ poorer from appeasing him, and probably more traumatised).

Please confirm if the locks are changed so I can stop worrying about you.

I’ve got the ick and I haven’t even met this bloke.

i hope it’s catching.

lick your wounds for a bit, then get some ick.

He'll be back. As sure as eggs is eggs. He's 'teaching you a lesson'. What a prince.

You are much better off.

Why would you want someone who gives you no agency over your own life?

Love this!

Thank fuck for that.

He'll be ok though. He'll find someone else to move in with it. Hobosexual.

And good for you for stating and sticking to your boundaries.

He might try but it's just as likely he'll find someone else to fall in love with as quickly as possible, creating a melodramatic sob story involving the OP making him homeless to ensure he gets housed as quickly and cheaply as possible.

Hobosexual! This is perfect description and the reason I'm on MN!

Thats the best out come. You will be ok

I agree that this is not the end. He'll regroup and be back, probably when you're feeling low. Just be prepared.

Alternatively, just as she's starting to feel good again. They don't like thinking you've got over them and aren't thinking of them anymore.

And, once our own cups are once again filled up, they figure there's more to leach from us again.

yes !!

I absolutely think he will be back, claiming he was wounded and upset, trying to sweet talk his way back in.....unless he has found somewhere/someone else to use.

It is so worrying that you would want to continue on with such a loser, very worrying.

Cocklodger. Get rid

Definitely pack his bags. Call police if he doesn't go. As someone else said he will claim half your house. Dump him

Congratulations!!!!! Does that mean youre Engaged?????????
Considering that HE is navigating a ' relationship' with no boundaries I suggest YOU start to creat some; starting with Congratulations on your engagement. Say youre considering yourself ' Engaged' with all that entails. PLANNING, RINGS, looking for a family house with garden. Discussions about children. THIS DISCUSSION MUST TAKE PLACE. You must keep a diary now and hide it because you are not going to believe what is about to unfold. Try to get some advice from a trusted friend otherwise you are going to end up feeling CONFUSED, POWERLESS. This is s bad move on your behalf. You are now on a vulnerable place with not knowing what you really want. I can tell you Ive been there. In my case He persuaded me to Sell, purchase another bigger property then get me evicted with minimal recompense and He kept the house.!!!!

Similar happened to me when I was much younger. Dating someone for just a few weeks; he stayed over one night, as was normal, and then just didn't leave. When I asked when he was going back home, he told me he'd given up his flat as he assumed he'd moved in with me! No conversation about it (or contributing to bills), and he still only had the one bag of stuff with him. No idea what happened to the rest of his belongings, if he even had any - I'd never been to his place. Not sure he even had a formal rent agreement on a flat, looking back, as he certainly didn't give the required notice.
I told him to get out and that we were over.
Anyway, yes, it/similar happens.

Wow.

I'd personally tell him to get out and then end the relationship to be honest.

Get him the hell out, then dump him. What's he going to take without asking tomorrow?

He needs to leave today. He wants half your house.

Sorry just read your update, thank goodness he has gone.

B. T. W. In addition to my answer: this cretin has no rights in UK LAW. You did not ask him to live there anyway YOU are owner occupier- anyone else in the property ' while you reside there' has absolutely no property rights!!!!. ( Just in case he tries to throw that at you). You have a right to evict, or change locks while hes out. Just a thought. Stay calm next time you see him and when hes not looking HIDE HIS KEY.