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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why the sudden change of heart?

10 replies

Feelingpathetic4 · 24/07/2024 20:07

I've not been on the dating scene for years so need some help to make sense of recent events.

A few months ago I met a guy through mutual friends who has really keenly been pursuing me (showering me with compliments, being openly affectionate, introducing me as his girlfriend etc.)

I told him that although I really like him after past experiences I want to take this really slowly and he assured me there was no pressure. Long and short of it is we've been having a great time with lots of messaging, nights out etc.

We were messaging on the weekend and he was his usual chatty and affectionate self. Come Saturday night we both go out with separate friends as we both had events arranged. At the end of the night he is really stroppy with me for no apparent reason and come Sunday tells me he's no longer sure he wants to date.

After a day's breathing space I ask whats up and he says he's stressed and no longer wants to pursue a relationship and wants something casual. I say fine, It was me who originally asked for this to be fun and move slow and I was fine with this. He then makes it clear he doesnt want anything casual with me.

What the fuck? I am so so hurt and confused. Hes been the one all over me, actively pursuing me and I'm struggling to understand the sudden change of heart. Would appreciate different perspectives on this as I currently just feel really stupid and down on myself :(

OP posts:
LilacRaven · 24/07/2024 20:12

Sounds like maybe he was casually chatting to (dating) more than just you and maybe things have progressed further with them?

Dating can be so shit and emotionally draining. Don't let it effect your self-esteem. Don't think anymore into it and move on x

Sisterdeloris · 24/07/2024 20:15

Maybe his friends put him off during his night out?

Maybe he had a better offer?

Had you DTD at all?

cupcaske123 · 24/07/2024 20:17

I'd say he's met someone else.

Mumwithbooks22 · 24/07/2024 20:23

He definitely wasn't talking to anyone else - he's exceptionally close with my sister and she says she knows hand on heart he wasn't.

My thoughts were meeting someone else too :(

Alicewinn · 24/07/2024 21:46

Sounds a bit like mixed messages. I think you need another conversation if possible, you’re both blowing hot and cold, I feel confused

Babbahabba · 24/07/2024 22:38

@Alicewinn how is it mixed messages? He's said he doesn't want to see the OP any more.

Save you dignity OP, delete and block. Have a cry, lick your wounds, spend times with friends and when you're ready, get back out there.

AzureBlue99 · 24/07/2024 22:43

Nail fail @Feelingpathetic4

AzureBlue99 · 24/07/2024 22:44

Name fail! Plus typo for me.

Alwaysanotherwine · 24/07/2024 22:46

i don’t think it means someone else

more someone’s out doubt in his mind

maybe his mates taking the piss etc

Feelingpathetic4 · 24/07/2024 23:02

Thanks @AzureBlue99 - not too worried about the name change - life's changed a bit for me in the last year! X

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