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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Give my head a wobble

6 replies

Givemyheadawobbleplease · 23/07/2024 20:46

I've been married fir 19 years and have six kids. My husband is a police officer who works long shifts, very unpredictable. Christmas day 2022 I was looking in his pocket and found a Christmas bauble which a colleague had given him with a picture of him and her on. He swears this picture was cropped from a group picture.

Obviously we argued and relationships were strained, but in the end, he convinced me to give him a chance, that she was just a colleague. I agreed on the basis he had no more contact with her and didn't work with her.

Easter 2024 my daughter told me he had been texting her regularly ending messages with x. He admitted it and said he didn't know why. He said he would work to prove we could trust him. He tried for 4 weeks and looked like he would have some kind of breakdown. The girls didn't relent.

He won't let me see his phone and is always on it
He has made no effort to save his relationship. I can't keep doing this.

OP posts:
BCBird · 23/07/2024 20:48

U can't OP. He is not being fair. Put yourself and ur children first.

Ilovelurchers · 23/07/2024 20:50

I am so sorry you are having difficulties.

Just for further clarity, do you believe your husband to be having an affair with the woman (whether physical or emotional). Or do you think it is just a friendship but one you are unhappy with?

Either is valid - just thought greater clarity would be helpful in terms of the responses you get.

Givemyheadawobbleplease · 23/07/2024 20:53

I honestly don't know what to think. I set boundaries and he didn't keep them. It just makes me uncomfortable and on the defensive. I want to set a good example to my kids and at the moment the two oldest girls can't stand him

OP posts:
Grazianoscubanheel · 23/07/2024 20:59

Who's the woman? Need to know what her situation is. Ideally if they're knocking about together after work.

Ilovelurchers · 23/07/2024 21:02

Has anybody seen the content of the texts to this woman? Would be good to know where you stand, and what exactly is going on.

He may claim she is just a friend, but in my opinion he ought to listen to what you are saying about it making you uncomfortable....

What has your relationship been like in other ways?

Givemyheadawobbleplease · 23/07/2024 21:15

Relationship has been pretty shit. I'm a sahm and he works all hours. I've asked him to put some effort into home life and nothing has changed. His job always comes first. I have kids with additional needs and it is all left to me to deal with mo support

OP posts:
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