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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Does he really love me or just the idea of me?

11 replies

Notshit · 13/06/2024 02:08

I have been with the same person for pretty much 25 years. I did leave and divorce him after 18 but then he said he had changed!! He has always blamed everything that has happened in our marriage on me. He is disability and has been most of our marriage! I have been there for him through numerous surgeries, addiction, jail and he even left the state where we live for awhile because he was on probation and couldn't stay clean. I took care of everything! We got back together and I am now the one who is disabled and he refuses to give me any kind of emotional support and is constantly putting me down. He says very mean things and knows that he is hurting me and instead of stopping he says he knows he will do it again! I have tried different approaches and no matter what I do it's always just another reason why I am the reason. What do I do??

OP posts:
PlainChipsandIpads · 13/06/2024 02:12

Divorce him?

Pallisers · 13/06/2024 02:15

divorce him.

RogueFemale · 13/06/2024 02:15

Leave him and find a better life.

Rania78 · 13/06/2024 06:32

Go to therapy? And of course leave him (hope you haven’t re-married.

Bananalanacake · 13/06/2024 06:43

Well if you are the reason you need to leave him.

PiggieWig · 13/06/2024 06:48

You leave. You can’t change him and he doesn’t sound much like he wants to change himself.
You have the power to feel good about yourself. Don’t hand it over to him.

persisted · 13/06/2024 06:49

They are clearly not the actions of a man who loves you.
So I'd be packing my bags and telling him to clear off.

WhisperGold · 13/06/2024 07:20

Doesn't sound like he loves you or the idea of you. He sounds like a waste of your life.

cheezncrackers · 13/06/2024 07:29

Who cares what he thinks? He sounds utterly vile.

What can you do? You can leave. And this time, don't go back.

Olika · 13/06/2024 07:37

Leave.

TotalAbsenceOfImperialRaiment · 13/06/2024 10:30

He doesn't sound very loving, no. Why do you keep going back to him and putting up with him? There are plenty of men around who have managed to avoid both addiction and jail, and there is no law that says you have to have one at all.

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