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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Possibly meeting OW face to face for first time

35 replies

SimpleSummer · 28/05/2024 15:15

My husband received an invitation to an event at a place where he is likely to bump into a woman with whom he had developed a close relationship and/or had an affair with a couple of years ago.

The problem is that he seemed keen to go to the event, but also seemed keen for us to go together. I would like to ask others how I should cope with this should we see her because neither him nor this woman have the first idea that I even know of her.

OP posts:
somethingwickedlivesnextdoor · 28/05/2024 21:26

I wouldn't be able not to say something to my h if I suspected he'd had an affair!!

Lampslights · 28/05/2024 21:29

Are you saying he went away for a weekend with this woman, took hee with him when he went to see his kids and stayed in a hotel with him and you said nothing?

Lampslights · 28/05/2024 21:30

SnuffyAndBigBird · 28/05/2024 16:00

I’d go along, and if I had to, make polite convo with her. I’d watch them both, then just before I left I’d follow her into the toilet or walk past her and stare her out and say “ I know”.

She’s hardly likely to do that, as she doesn’t seem to wish her husband to know she knows.

KhakiShaker · 29/05/2024 15:24

This is bizarre. Why are you even considering going and putting yourself through it?! I’d be telling him neither of you are going and telling him exactly why. You may not have wanted to confront him at the time due to circumstances, but that doesn’t mean he gets a free pass and you pretend it never happened.

Lou98x · 29/05/2024 15:33

I agree with previous posters; I would go and be extra polite and lovely, but keep an eye on how they interact when they’re together…

Tigrela · 29/05/2024 15:45

If it was me I would want them both to know that I know so I would try to find a way of dropping their visit to that area into conversation, "Do you live nearby? We live in XX but our DC lives in XX, did you get chance to meet them when you were both there?"

That's just me though, I would want to watch them squirm.

SimpleSummer · 29/05/2024 16:02

Tigrela · 29/05/2024 15:45

If it was me I would want them both to know that I know so I would try to find a way of dropping their visit to that area into conversation, "Do you live nearby? We live in XX but our DC lives in XX, did you get chance to meet them when you were both there?"

That's just me though, I would want to watch them squirm.

Saying the first part about DC living in XX is a good shout. I wouldn't say the second part because I don't want to give myself away. I think observing is the way to go.
I'm not really sure why he wants me to go with him as he could go by himself and he doesn't need to go anyway.

OP posts:
FrancisSeaton · 29/05/2024 16:04

Christ there are no end of mugs on this forum it would appear

Chatonette · 29/05/2024 16:10

@SimpleSummer just wondering….what is the reason for not wanting DH to know that you know?

kcw000telford · 30/05/2024 14:49

Why is he so keen to go? Is it because he wants to see her and this is the only opportunity? Why does he want you to go in that case ruining his opportunity of talking with her?

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